Ep 85. You Are Worthy of Your Dreams

I am Kym Showers, and this is Reinvented After 40, episode number 85: You Are Worthy of your Dreams.

Hey, friends. Welcome to Reinvented After 40, a podcast for all you women in the second half of life who are ready to take responsibility for your own well-being and create a life you love living.

I’m your host, Kym Showers, and after spending the first 40 years of my life people-pleasing and following all the rules, I was exhausted and ready for a change. I reinvented myself. I stopped outsourcing my happiness. And I’ve been brave enough to live a different kind of life.

I’ll be here each week to help you do the same thing. It’s going to be fun. Let’s go.

Hey my friends, welcome back to the show. I hope you are having a beautiful day, a dreamy day, a day that is absolutely your favorite. I already am and it is only seven o’clock in the morning. I got up at four, of course. I went to the 5:00am Orangetheory class which completely kicked my butt, you guys. Did you know it’s National Squat Day today? Oh, my gosh. I have never done so many squats. My legs are already sore, my butt’s already sore. So I probably will be crawling tomorrow morning out of bed, crawling up the stairs. It was so fun though, so good.

I came home. I took my bath. I made a beautiful dark green juice and a bowl full of raw nuts, cashews, almonds, walnuts, pistachios and then a scoop of sugar free dried cranberries. You guys, it’s so delicious with my green juice. It was my breakfast this morning. And then I set up my little podcast station here at my corner window where I can see the beautiful bright blue ocean and see the palm trees kind of moving with the breeze. And so here I am talking to you, all of my favorite people.

So what I want to tell you today for sure, 100% is that you are worthy of your dreams, you deserve all of your dreams. Anything that you can dream up, anything you’ve been longing for in your life is not too big, I promise you it’s not. You are supposed to create whatever it is you’re dreaming of. That is available to you and you’re 100% worthy of the biggest dream you can imagine.

So our biggest problem, the thing that is in our way when we’re women in the second half of life, and this has been kind of surprising to me, but you guys, most women in the second half of life have never really learned how to dream big, big dreams. And that is kind of surprising to me because I’ve always kind of been a big dreamer. I don’t know if I’ve had subconscious thoughts and I probably have that I’ve obviously been unaware of, that maybe I’m not worthy of the biggest dreams I can imagine. And so maybe I don’t dream as big as I could.

I think I have overcome that. I have recognized because of this thought work in the last five years, oh my gosh, I’ve awakened so many times to these unconscious subconscious thoughts that have kept me playing so small in my life. It might have been feeling unworthy like it wasn’t for me. Maybe I don’t deserve this big of a dream. I don’t know. But now where I am something clicked in the last five years. And I know without one doubt I am worthy of the biggest dream that I can conjure up in my mind.

And I have gotten so good at dreaming, of thinking big thoughts about me and what really is my responsibility to create. Not only do I deserve it, I deserve it, you deserve it. Have you even thought about that word? You and I deserve our biggest dreams, our biggest wants, our biggest desires. That just sets us free. But here’s the thing, most of us think we don’t deserve it, that it’s for someone else, that we’re not worthy of it. Those are just thoughts that your brain has circulated over and over and over until you just believe that.

And so it just limits you and what you think is possible for you in the second half of life. And what I want to offer you today my friend is that not only are you worthy of the biggest thing and the greatest thing and all the happiness in life. Not only are you worthy of it, not only do you deserve it, but I truly believe it’s your responsibility to go and get it. It’s my responsibility to go and get it because I’m worthy of it. I deserve it and it’s my responsibility to create it.

So I want you to start jiggling this around in your mind because once we start thinking different thoughts we start loosening up these limiting beliefs that maybe we were told by our husbands in the last 25 years, 35 years, 45 years. And we’ve just kind of subtly been married to someone who isn’t a dreamer, we just kind of agreed this is what we’re capable of. We’re just going to stay here. This is what we’re going to do the rest of our life. We’re going to play it safe. We’re going to play it small. We don’t want anyone to notice us.

I just want you to notice if that’s you, notice if that’s what you’ve been going along with quietly, this is what we’ve got, this is what we’re capable of, this is what we’re worthy of, this is all we deserve, we don’t deserve any more. Why can’t we just be happy here? Why do we have to create anything more than this? So if this sounds familiar to you, I want you to know it’s very familiar to me. And I’m not saying that it’s wrong.

I mean if that’s what you want and that’s where you’re completely satisfied and happy. You can truly say you’re happy and you are living your dream and you recognize you’re living your dream. And that’s the biggest dream that you’ve ever wanted and you’ve arrived and you’re 100% satisfied for the rest of your life. Then girl, I am all in on you. Go enjoy it to the fullest. I love that for you. But if you’re like me and you love where you are and you realize right now you’re living your dream, because that’s me. I am fully living my dream life right now.

And also I want more. I’m creating more. I have even bigger dreams than this. So I want you to know this year right now this is my dream. I am living my dream. My past self, five years ago only dreamt of what I’m doing today right now, staring at the ocean in my, how old is this house, 40 year old white clapboard cottage overlooking the Pacific Ocean. I have a life coach business filled with women just like me who want something more. I went from my goal last year was to go from one-on-one coaching to group coaching which is kind of a big transition in business.

And I had to do a lot of mindset work to be uncomfortable. It’s so uncomfortable because my one-on-one coaching business was phenomenal. But what happens is that I wanted to reach more women and work less. So we don’t want to burn out, we want to know that we can actually create a thriving business in the second half of life. We can make more money and work less. It’s all being creative and being uncomfortable and changing our thoughts about it, our beliefs about it. So that’s what I did last year.

So that was my business goal last year was to transition from one-on-one to group coaching which I did and I’m so proud of myself. And then this year my goal with group coaching, so last year my max was 15 clients. So 15 clients at a time so that means I coached 15 hours a week. And then this year right now I have 25 clients and I have four groups and that adds up to 25 clients and I only coach four hours a week. So you see how much more efficient it is, much more powerful it is. I’m such a believer in groups, of groups of women.

And how powerful knowing that in the second half of life we’re all pretty much the same. We are never alone. We have all the same thoughts. Our brain is delivering to us on repeat, but we think we’re the only ones suffering from lack of self-confidence. We think we’re the only ones that are suffering from people pleasing, from worry. But we’re all the same that way and group coaching is the solution for all of our concerns, our troubles, our sufferings in the second half of life.

And so my four groups, I’m so proud of all of us. So I achieved that. That was my dream last year. I went out, it was uncomfortable, I had to work hard at it and I did it and I’m so proud of myself. And there’s no better feeling than being proud of yourself, let me tell you for sure. So then my dream this year was to continue building my groups and also to create in person events.

So I decided I am going to have this first event, I’m calling the Dream Big Retreat. And right now we have 20 women coming, and they’re all my clients and they’re flying in from everywhere and driving in from everywhere. And we’re going to be together for two and a half days. And we are going to dream big. We’re going to open up our minds and have some big brain shifts in learning and practicing how to think bigger, how to take responsibility for our dreams. And then how to take the first and second and third steps towards creating them.

And that’s what we’re doing in my very first, I’m calling it, what’s it called when you have a very first voyage? My maiden voyage retreat. I’m so happy. Every single woman I’m madly in love with. I know them all so well. And I’ve spent a lot of time with them on Zoom, but I have never been with them in person. And I just am dying of happiness that we get to be together. It is so life changing to actually be in person together in a beautiful setting, filled with lots of good encouraging, inspiring new ideas and thoughts.

And then we just start changing our mind about things and get excited again about things. So that is happening in a couple weeks. And that is my dream for 2023 and I did it, do you see that? So right now, you guys, I’m living my dream, my business dream and my personal dream. I am also living in my personal dream. And because of everything I’ve created in my business, I have come so far in every area, but the most important thing is in my self-concept, my ideas about myself, the thoughts I have about myself.

And Jeff and I go on Wednesdays when we can, we go and watch Goldie and Dolly take swim lessons. And yesterday we went and oh my gosh, you guys, they’re so adorable. I think I smiled the entire 30 minutes just watching them take their swim lessons. They’re just unbelievable little magical unicorn girls. I love them so, so, so, so much. They’re just yumminess, 100% yumminess all the time. It’s so funny and so fun and so daring and so brave. We’ve been watching them learn how to swim. And especially with Goldie yesterday, I was like, “Oh my gosh, it’s clicked.”

And I said that out loud, I go, “Something clicked with her.” Because all of a sudden, you guys, she’s swimming. She’s just swimming and she’s taking breaths and swimming again. So it clicks at a certain point, something clicks. And when their teacher, they call her Teacher Ashleigh and we just love Teacher Ashleigh, she’s amazing. She’s been teaching them for a while. And she’s hilarious. And she’s the perfect fit for them. But yesterday I said, “Gosh, good job, Teacher Ashleigh. I can tell with Goldie, it just clicked.”

And she goes, “Yeah.” She goes, “And that’s what I told her dad yesterday.” She goes, she has several of course, several kids that she teaches. But she has another little boy or another little girl, yeah, she said it was another little girl who takes lessons on, I think on the same day or the day before the girls. But she said the dad came for the first time and she said the dad came over and just started drilling me like when is she going to start taking breaths? When is she going to do her strokes and learn how to jump in and swim to the side or whatever.

And Ashleigh goes, “I just told him, I go, “Well, you can’t pressure the kids, it’s just going to click. She’s going to keep practicing and then one day it’s going to click.”” And so that’s what I want to tell you guys today. So for me, this is what I’ve noticed, I keep noticing this about myself. Things just will click at a certain time and I don’t even know exactly when it is, but I will have this awareness like I’m not bothered by that anymore. I can’t even remember the last time I was bothered by that. Maybe it’s something that I used to be so bothered by on the regular.

And nothing circumstantially changed, but I just find myself not even thinking about that anymore, something that I used to spin out in. So I was telling my clients this week, and I gave them this example. What I noticed that has just clicked sometime in the last year for me that has made such a huge difference in my life is that I don’t indulge in self-doubt anymore. Not that my brain doesn’t offer me doubtful thoughts about me because it does, but I don’t indulge in them, meaning I don’t attach to them and then start thinking them and believing them over and over and over.

Something like, you’ll never do this, it’s not right, something’s wrong. You’re not doing this right. It’s just not going to happen for you. You should just quit. Those are examples of what your brain will offer you on repeat about anything that you’re wanting to try that’s new or any goal you’re wanting to reach. And you just think it’s not happening fast enough and you should be further along. It happens for all of us. This is the way our brain works. But instead of attaching to that thought, meaning I just attach to it and then I start thinking it over and over and over, it’s not working. Why isn’t it working?

And then I start feeling really bad and then I take, as my new friend, Leanne Morgan says, I take to the bed. And if you haven’t watched Leanne Morgan yet, just a side note, go to Netflix and watch Leanne Morgan’s comedy show. But she’ll go, “I take to the bed.” So that means that I’m just indulging in self-doubt. I want you to be aware of when you do that. And I want you to know it is an option. You don’t ever have to do that again if you start noticing it, becoming aware of it and accept that that’s what your brain does. And it doesn’t have anything to do with you.

And those thoughts aren’t true at all because if you just keep practicing, one day it’s going to click. And all of a sudden you’re going to be jumping in and swimming to the other side of the pool and breathing all on your own. One day it’s going to click. If you keep practicing this mindset work, one day it’s going to click. And all of a sudden you’re going to realize that you don’t indulge in self-doubt anymore. You just watch those thoughts in your brain go by like you watch clouds in the sky. You don’t attach to them. You don’t grab at them and indulge in those thoughts.

That’s what we do. That’s what causes us so much suffering, that it’s optional. We don’t have to suffer like that. We don’t have to be so mean to ourselves. Because listen, my friend, you deserve all of your dreams. You deserve every single ounce of happiness that you can even imagine. Did you know that the number one, I want you to pay attention to this, the number one regret of the dying person, the dying woman is I wish I would have let myself be happier.

Just saying that to you, chokes me up. I wish I would have let myself be happier. That will not be my regret. do not let that be your regret on your dying day. Let yourself be happier now, dream bigger now, create it now. Stop attaching to mean thoughts about yourself now. It’s all up to you, it’s your responsibility, it’s why you’re here on planet Earth. It’s why I’m here. It’s why I have this podcast. I’m here to create so much goodness in the world and so are you. And it starts with us. It’s an inside job.

And anything you can imagine, if you want to live on a hillside and look at the ocean like I have always wanted, all you have to do is start dreaming it and believing that it will happen. And then set yourself in motion to start creating it. If you want to build a big business and help lots of women or whatever your dream is, set yourself and believe it, get coaching first. Come join my next group. This is what we’re all about. Set yourself in motion, put yourself out in uncomfortable places that don’t feel that safe to you, but you will create your own safety there eventually, I promise you.

It takes so much bravery to create a dream life. I feel brave. I am so proud of myself because I keep working so hard at it and it’s so worth the work. I love, love, love my life. I love it every single day. There’s not one day that I don’t love it. And I want you to know, if you can’t say that right now it is 100% possible for you to get up every single day and love, love, love your life.

And know that you are creating all of it and you’re able to feel not only all of your optimistic good feelings but you’re capable of feeling all your negative feelings too not making it mean that anything has gone wrong or anything is wrong with you because I promise you, nothing is wrong with you ever.

And you’re worthy of every good thing. You deserve all of the happiness in the world, all of it, you deserve it. And you’re responsible to create it, to create your dreams, to create your happiness, to create the most beautiful, favorite life that you can dream up in your head. Alright, that is what I have for you today my friends. I’m so fired up. I had the dreamiest, well, Jeff and I both had the dreamiest time in Louisville, Kentucky. We got home on Tuesday afternoon and we spent a few days there. We had the best hotel, the most yummy food. I did not find any green juice or pretty much greens of any kind.

I mean I had a huge skillet, homemade cinnamon roll for breakfast one of the days. I had the most delicious homemade rolls topped with sea salt and she said that [inaudible] make their butter. Oh my gosh, you guys, we had the best time. My husband was in bourbon heaven, and I learned so much about whisky and bourbon. And you can only call whisky, bourbon, if it’s been made in Kentucky. So he was in heaven.

And then I went to my 200K Mastermind event which was all day Monday and it was fire. I was so energized. It was kind of an intimate group, there were only about 50 of us, which is pretty small for this group, which I completely loved. I saw some old friends, I met some new ones. When you get 50 life coaches together there is so much talking and good energy and dreaming and we know how to dream. Let me tell you this, life coaches know how to dream.

And so I just had the best day. I learned so much. And I’ll tell you more about that, but Louisville, Kentucky was beautiful. If you have the chance to go, you should go. The people were unbelievably charming and gracious and I just loved my entire experience there. It was so fun to get away. And of course, always my favorite thing is to get home. So I just love my life and I think it is worth saying that you definitely want to create a dream life that you never have to escape from. That’s not what vacations are for.

I love getting away, going and having new experiences but not because I don’t absolutely, like, totally obsessed with my life here. I love coming home. I love routine. I thrive in routine. I love sleeping in my own bed and going to my Orangetheory and my days are just filled with joy and spaciousness and intentionality. That’s a good word for you, live an intentional life and know without one doubt that you’re worthy of your dreams.

Alright my friend, I love you so much, so dearly. Thanks for showing up today. Have the happiest dreamiest week, get that brain popping this week and I’ll see you next Thursday.

Thanks for listening to Reinvented After 40. If you want more information or resources from the podcast, please visit KymShowersLifeCoach.com.