Ep 124. Think Bigger

I am Kym Showers and this is Reinvented After 40, episode number 124, Think Bigger.

Welcome to the Reinvented After 40 podcast. I am your host, Kym Showers, and I’m a certified life coach for women in the second half of life. Each week I’ll bring you direct advice and inspiring, practical wisdom to help you live your very best life and create a future you’re absolutely obsessed with. It’s going to be fun, let’s get started.

Hello, my friends in the podcast land. I am so happy to be talking to you today. I’m just lit up and energized by my own life and my own brain. Oh, my gosh, I am just thinking so dang big these days. And really, you guys, I just want to pass on these thoughts that I have and this energy I have to inspire you and motivate you today to know for sure that if you have a bunch of ‘problems’ in your life and I’m putting problems in quotes, I want you to know that you can literally stop thinking about those things as problems and think bigger than that.

Because our brain has just been programmed to dwell, focus and dramatize so-called problems in our life. And then we get together and just exchange complaints and worries and problems and leak all of our energy to the wrong people, the wrong places, the wrong direction and the wrong thoughts. So I have just learned a particular set of skills in this work that I do. And I am a different woman than I was even a year ago. I’ve been listening to some old podcasts. I’m so proud of myself. I get so many ideas from some of my old podcasts, they’re so good, you guys.

If you’ve just found me, I want you to go back and just start listening from day one. There are so many useful tips and stories and tricks and tools and ideas that I share with you on all my podcast episodes. So the more I grow and expand and challenge myself in my business and in my podcast and all the work that I’ve done in the world and all the work that I’m doing in my own brain and my own spirit, in my own body, in my relationships. The bigger I think, the more ideas I get. And I just want to always pass them on to you out in podcast land because I want you to think bigger.

I want you to feel better. I want to empower you in your own life to know that you can be in charge of how you think and feel and show up every single day. That matters so much. And I want you to know that challenging yourself is always a really good idea. I was telling my clients this week that I’m so grateful for this business.

And every year that passes, I just create more and more and more goodness in my business, in my coaching business. And I was telling them that I am looking for a coach right now. I have always had a coach for the last six to seven years.

I’ve always been working with a coach and I’ve loved them all. They’re all amazing. But I’m looking for someone very specific and I don’t even care how much she charges, but I want a one-on-one coach. I’ve always been in kind of group programs, kind of like what I offer, which is amazing. And by the way, you can hire me to be your one-on-one coach, your private coach. I want you to know that I have that offer quietly available. It’s not on my website, but you can reach out to me and say, “I want to hire you privately.”

I am telling you this because I want you to know I equally value private coaching and group coaching. I even have clients who are in groups right now who have hired me privately as well because they want to just double down on their growth. And I just see so much incredible progress in them as we move along. So I want you to know there’s more available to you than your brain is letting you think. I want you to know you can afford any single thing that you decide you can afford.

I want you to know that you are your best investment. I want you to start thinking bigger and know that you’re playing small because your brain is limiting you. And because you’re a woman over 40, you have certain ideas and stories and rules about you and yourself and your life and what you’re capable of, memorized, you think this is who you are and you think this is how life is and nothing bigger is available to you. In particular I want you to break free from all of that nonsense. Every single thing that you can imagine, everything you see in someone else that you admire is available to you.

So back to I want to hire a coach, a one-on-one coach. I’m looking for someone very specific, someone like me, but who is ahead of me. And I do not care what her offer is. I know she’ll be worth whatever she is offering because I’m going next level, but this is what I want you to know. I decided to think bigger in this interim where I’m looking for her and I don’t have her yet. I have decided to become her.

I have decided, all the attributes that I’m looking for in this woman coach, the confidence level that I’m looking for, the body identity that I’m looking for. The style I’m looking for, the amount of money she’s making that I’m looking for, the way that she shows up consistently in her business, the kind of energy she brings that I’m specifically looking for. I’ve decided I’m going to be that for myself right now and I want you to know this is how I do it. I just show up as the woman that I’m looking for right now. I push myself to that level and challenge myself and I decide to think bigger thoughts.

So I don’t think of my life as having problems. If you asked me, “Tell me the problems in your life right now.” I would honestly tell you I don’t have any problems because I don’t exchange problems with anybody. I do not talk about my so-called problems because problems are made up in our mind. I just call it life. Maybe I’ll call it challenges. I have things that I’m working on that are challenging to me, that I love, that I’m choosing to work on because I want to take care of myself in an extraordinary way.

And you can’t be a 62 year old woman without things that you’re working on to be the best you can be. I’m always striving to be my very, very best. And that requires me to think bigger than what the thoughts my brain is offering me. So when my brain is saying, “Well, this is a problem, this isn’t going to go well. You’re not going to be good at that.” I don’t believe any of those thoughts that my brain offers me. I think on purpose. I think that’s not a problem, this is not a problem. I’m going to figure it out. It’s going to be better than even what it is now.

I’m going to just show up for myself and I am going to have some fun with it. I’m going to meet some new people. I’m going to learn something new about myself and about the world. So whatever it is that I may be challenged with, whatever it is that’s on my schedule, anything that’s in my future that I’m working towards. I never think of it as a problem. But if my brain is trying to get me to think of it as a problem, I just don’t attach to it and this is how. I watch the thought.

I am aware of the thought my brain is offering me, but I just watch it go by like a cloud in the sky. I don’t attach to it. I don’t talk about it. I don’t think about it anymore. I don’t make it a big deal because it’s not something for me to solve in the moment.

And if it is, this is how I solve for it, I’m like, “Oh, yeah, it’s not a problem. Oh, yeah, I’m going to figure that out. Oh, yeah, I’ll learn something new about myself.” So I don’t put pressure on myself to be everything for everyone. I don’t put pressure on myself to think that I can’t make mistakes. 100% I can make mistakes, which is great.

I do everything with sweaty armpits. I’m so proud of them because I’m always pushing myself to the next level. I’m always challenging myself and I make it fun. And I think more useful thoughts on purpose. And my best, most useful thought is this isn’t a problem. So I don’t think or overthink or dramatize anything that my brain might try and get me to think is a problem. I just go, “That’s not a problem.” And then I get back to work with whatever I’m doing.

I’ve been practicing that so long that honestly if you asked me right this second, “Do you have any problems?” I’d say “No, absolutely I don’t.” And I’m not even fooling myself. I don’t have any problems, you guys. And if it is a so-called problem, or if it’s something that you would consider a problem, I would just tell you, “That’s not a problem for me.” I just call that life at 62 as a woman and I know it’s going to make me better, and I’m just figuring it out. So it’s just my life. It’s just life, which is so amazing.

I had a client say that she wanted to back out of something she had committed to this week. She’s also a coach and she said she was trying something new and she said her brain was just going crazy.

Just saying, “We’ve got to back out of that. We don’t even know what we’re doing. We overcommitted, we’re overwhelmed with everything going on right now.” But she got underneath all of those thoughts and she realized that the baseline thought underneath that was fear.

She thought she wasn’t going to be good enough at what she committed to. So it was just fear. And she said she thought about me and she thought that thought, I’m going to take fear with me. Fear isn’t a problem. So I’m offering you that thought too. Fear is not a problem. Fear used to be such a problem for me. Fear would keep me from my dreams, keep me stuck in indecision because I thought there was a right decision or a wrong decision. I thought I’d be embarrassed and that was a problem.

I thought people would judge me and criticize me and talk about me, and that was a problem. And none of those things are problems for me anymore. I am willing to make mistakes. I am willing to not be good at stuff. I am willing to learn new things. I am willing to be embarrassed. I’m willing to do everything afraid. None of that is a problem for me. I think bigger than that. I have so much faith, so much trust in myself. I know that I can figure everything out. And I look back at everything I’ve created with these particular ways of thinking and I am so proud of myself.

And I was watching the Emmys this week. The award shows are just lighting me up. I love them so much. I don’t like the commercials. I’m so spoiled. So I don’t usually watch the whole award show, but I watch parts of it. And then I, of course, catch up on, on social media. I see the highlights.

But this gal won an Emmy as a co-actress. She was so brilliant. I didn’t watch the movie because it was about Jeffrey Dahmer. Her name is Niecy Nash-Betts, I think, is her name and just a beautiful black actress. And she won the Emmy for her role in this particular movie that I will never watch. But you know what she said, she thanked God. She thanked all her people, her husband, she thanked everybody in the cast. And then she goes, “And you know who else I want to thank? I want to thank me.”

She goes, “I want to thank me for showing up for myself and doing the hard work and doing what everyone said I couldn’t do.” And I add on to that saying, “I want to thank me for doing the hard work, for showing up for myself. I want to thank me. I want to thank me for doing what my brain tried to talk me out of, tried to make me think I wasn’t good enough. Tried to get me to be too afraid and just to stop doing it.”

And this is what I want to tell you, my friend, I want to say be afraid and keep going and so that you can look back on everything you’ve created by thinking bigger than what you’re thinking now, pushing yourself, challenging yourself. Not agreeing with your brain when your brain wants a drama and your brain wants to spill out all your problems every day onto another person and just exchange drama and exchange problems, exchange gossip and exchange the woe is me. Stop all of that and think over that.

Think bigger than that. Think more dynamic thoughts, think more useful thoughts. Think like you know you can do whatever it is you put your mind to. And anything that I’m offering you on all of these podcast episodes are for you. And I want you to know I am here cheering you on and I’m here being an example of what’s possible as a woman of 62 years old, who’s happily married and has grown kids, and who is a Pippy ‘grandma’. I’m a grandma, but my babies call me. Pippy.

And I am so in love with my life and so in love with my business and my clients and their work and teaching them how to think bigger. In fact, after I record this podcast, I am preparing for their January workshop. I offer a January workshop to all of my clients, my private clients and my group clients. So every single month you get a workshop where you guys all gather on screen if you’re a client of mine and I just teach you something new.

And this month’s workshop is thinking bigger on purpose and trusting yourself and thanking yourself and being willing to be afraid and show up for yourself and never quitting on yourself ever, learning how to worry less. And this is exactly how you do it. And my friend Lisa, who is a health coach, a beautiful life coach, health coach. She talked about feeding the worry machine this week on her Instagram and that just reminded me, I don’t feed the worry machine.

I do not talk about my problems because I know that leaks all of my good energy to something I don’t want to feed. I want to save that energy to my dreams and to my ideas and to my goals. So I don’t leak any of that. I do not feed the worry machine by talking about so-called problems, because I honestly don’t think I have any. And I don’t listen to anybody’s so-called problems unless you’re a client of mine.

I even tell my kids, “Don’t tell me your problems. I’m not going to feed your problems. If you want coaching, absolutely I will coach you, but I will not get in the pool with you and feed your problems. I just don’t think you have problems. I don’t want to know your problems, so find someone else to feed your problems to and exchange problems with because it will never be me.” And my husband too.

So I’m just all about feeding my goals and my dreams, my wantings, my desires, making my life so incredible, so amazing, thinking bigger on purpose. And that is what gives me this dreamy life that I’m obsessed with every day. When I tell you I’m going to go first, that’s how I do it, that’s how I stopped worrying. I don’t feed my brain’s nonsense. I think above that. I think over that. I let my brain tell me whatever it wants to tell me, but I just don’t attach to it. I don’t believe it. I don’t think about it anymore because I think thoughts on purpose. I think very useful thoughts for me.

I’m just about my own business. I stay out of everyone else’s. I’m not criticizing or judgmental. I don’t think I know what’s best for anybody else. I only know what’s best for me. And if whatever I’m teaching, however, I’m living, the words that I’m speaking on this podcast every week, if this is vibing with you, that means you want more. You want to learn the skills and the tools that I have to teach. You want to be able to put those things into practice and I can 100% help you.

And so really, truly when we get out of everyone else’s business and we really do start practicing thinking bigger, thinking on purpose, thinking more useful thoughts, we really start worrying less. There are so many benefits to thinking bigger, and one of them is we worry so much less. We stop leaking our energy because our brain provides a lot of energy for us every day. And if we’re leaking it to the wrong place, we’re going to be mentally exhausted. And when we’re mentally exhausted, we’re not going to be able to think bigger thoughts.

So I’m going to use all my brain energy headed in the right direction. I’m not going to leak my brain energy to things that are un-useful for me. You see how that works? So I worry so much less and I create so much more. So that’s the back end of results, the really great results, one of them of thinking bigger, I worry less, I create more. I create more goodness in the world. I don’t read the news so I don’t know what’s going on. I’m not buying into everybody else’s stories about all the problems in the world. So I don’t have to manage my mind around that.

I’m not thinking that anyone’s mad at me. I’m not drumming up any of that nonsense, and I don’t believe my brain. If my brain is trying to get me to think that I need to over-invest in someone else’s life or over-text someone or over-connect with someone just so I can make sure that I am trying to manage their feelings and thoughts about me. I don’t do any of that anymore. Everyone can feel whatever they want about me and I’m totally fine with that because I’m so certain about how I think and feel about me. And that is really serving me very well.

I’ve just created so much joy, so much abundance, so much goodness in my own life, because I have the skill of thinking bigger and I do it every single day on purpose. I would love to be able to teach you how to do that. I have my group for February is already open on my website. You are very welcome to go grab your spot. I am limiting that group and I think it’s already halfway full, so once it’s filled it is filled.

So if you are thinking that you would like to think bigger, if you are thinking that you would like to worry less and create more goodness in your own life and get out of everybody else’s business, then February group is the group for you. Come and work with me. And if you haven’t, you guys, I have such a really fun thing on my website. If you haven’t already gone to my website and downloaded my habits. It’s such a beautiful PDF that you get to download and it’s just a beautiful list of all of my good habits really. I mean, we can call it the way that I think.

My habits are because I think bigger, it will be so inspiring for you, especially now that it’s wrapping up January and we’re just off and running into this new year. My designer designed it and it’s just so inspiring, so beautiful, you can just put it on your mirror and keep it on your phone. And just to remind yourself every single day to think bigger, think bigger, think bigger. It will give you the best life that you can’t even imagine right now. I didn’t even know I was going to be here.

I was hoping I’d be here right now when I started 2023. And here I am and it’s even better than I could have even imagined back then. I wasn’t even thinking big enough then, because I didn’t know how to think as big as I can think now. And I know a year from now I will be thinking way bigger than I’m even thinking now, because that’s how that works.

So we’re just going to keep growing year after year after year and loving our life more and more and more and think bigger and more useful thoughts, more beautiful thoughts, more fun thoughts.

That will give us the exact feelings that we want to create for ourselves every day. And I’m all about inspiring myself, motivating myself and encouraging myself every single morning to have the exact day, the exact life experience today that I want to have.

I have a very full day today. I am presenting my workshop to my clients, which is going to be super fun. I have guests coming into my beach bungalow this weekend so I’m going to go down and get the bungalow, all set and ready and beautiful and darling for them.

My son’s 33rd birthday is this weekend. We are all driving to Santa Barbara to take him out to dinner and to go to a really fun basketball game that his girlfriend’s son, Milo, who we are all madly in love with, his first basketball game. And we’re just going to have the time of our life, celebrating my darling son together. And I am just so in love with my life. I’m in love with you. And I’m in love with this podcast. And it’s such a privilege, such a great addition to my growth mindset that I have.

I had no idea, in fact, I have a client of mine, Amy Adams, who I’ve been coaching for years and who is just a delight and has grown and evolved before my eyes. She is putting out her podcast next week. I can’t remember the name of it right now, but I’ll definitely let you know that. Her name is Amy Adams. Well, I know she is a coach for people who want to get really good at singing and being in entertainment. So that’s what she is. She’s so good at all of that. I’m sure her podcast is going to be so incredible.

In fact, she hired my beautiful team, my beautiful podcast team, to launch her podcast and produce her podcast week after week. So I’m so glad she did that. I was just on a call with her yesterday and she said, “Oh, my gosh, I’m in love with this podcast team. And thank you so much for pointing me in their direction.” And I was like, “You are welcome because we have the best podcast team in the universe.”

Anyways, it’s all just pure delight and goodness to be filled up with. It is our choice every day. It’s our decision every day and everything’s available to us, which is really good to know at 62 years old. Okay, I love you so much. Have the most incredible week and think bigger, my friend, it will do you so well. Alright, bye.

If you love this podcast, I invite you to come work with me. Go to kymshowerslifecoach.com, sign up for my next group and retreat, and let’s create your dream life together.