Ep 46. Stop Overdrinking

I am Kym Showers, and this is Reinvented After 40, episode number 46: Stop Overdrinking.

Hey, friends. Welcome to Reinvented After 40, a podcast for all you women in the second half of life who are ready to take responsibility for your own wellbeing and create a life you love living.

I’m your host, Kym Showers, and after spending the first 40 years of my life people-pleasing and following all the rules, I was exhausted and ready for a change. I reinvented myself. I stopped outsourcing my happiness. And I’ve been brave enough to live a different kind of life.

I’ll be here each week to help you do the same thing. It’s gonna be fun. Let’s go.

Hey everyone, how are you today? Happy Thursday. I’m actually recording this on a Thursday and all my episodes come out on Thursdays. So, Thursdays I’m just kind of in podcast mode. So, I woke up this morning thinking about drinking because I have been coaching a lot on that. Probably most of my clients drink alcohol I would say. And typically, women over 40 find themselves drinking more alcohol than they would like to. So how do we stop overdrinking? Is that possible? How do we know if we’re even overdrinking, what does that look like?

Well, we get to decide that for ourselves. So, what looks like overdrinking for me and what feels like overdrinking for me might not be the same thing for you. So, I just want to tell you a little story, a little problem solving that I did for myself. I have never really been a big alcohol drinker, though I truly enjoy it. But I didn’t drink alcohol really until I think I was in my mid-30s, late 30s, I discovered wine and loved wine. And I know I’ve told you some stories about all of that.

But what happened in the last couple of years, in 2020 when everything kind of shut down and all of our lives as we knew them before came to a screeching halt, Jeff and I started drinking more than we normally do. And it just became a thing for us, kind of like the highlight of our day. And I found myself every day looking forward to happy hour. And happy hour got earlier and earlier. And it wasn’t a problem for me. It actually was fun.

And then as the months went on and everything still stayed the same I started having thoughts and I started having feelings and actions that I didn’t like that were not serving me when it came to alcohol. I found myself with low energy. I found myself gaining weight. I found myself depressed. I was just overdrinking alcohol. It wasn’t a good thing for me. And then I had thoughts that I couldn’t stop, like I don’t know how to stop drinking because I really look forward to it.

And every day at whatever time, let’s say it was four o’clock I always made sure I had a bottle of wine, or I had my favorite tequila, my favorite vodka and I would either make a cocktail or I’d pour a glass of wine. And I would have more than one. I would have two and sometimes three. And then the cycle would repeat itself. I would wake up in the morning, I would oversleep in the morning, I would feel terrible. I would drag myself out of bed. I would feel depressed about the day. I would drag myself out for a run because the gym was still closed.

And I was just in this cycle that I hated, and it scared me. And so, I started getting coaching on it. And I started getting honest with myself about it. And I would say I had a problem. I had a problem because I wanted to stop but every day I didn’t stop. I wanted to want to stop but I wasn’t committed to stopping. I didn’t know how to not have a drink every day. So, I got coaching on it.

And I really want you to know that if you’re in this cycle of wanting to want to stop but you’re not stopping and you’ve found yourself in this cycle for maybe a year now, or two years, or three years, or four years, or even 20 years. I want you to know for sure my friend that you can stop, or you can cut way back and drink a lot less. And alcohol does not have to have any control over your life. You can treat it like everything else where you have control, and you decide when you want to drink.

So, what I did is I learned the skill of allowing urges. My brain thought it was so important for me to have a cocktail at four o’clock. So, at four o’clock I started doing something different. So, I just got super honest with myself. And I decided, well, I am going to drink less and I’m not going to drink at four o’clock anymore. I’m going to do something else that I am going to practice that I look forward to instead of alcohol, that has a better back end for me. Because I say alcohol doesn’t have a good back end for us. So, we don’t feel good. We do not sleep well. We do not feel good in the morning.

We wake up with headaches, and we gain weight, and we feel sluggish, and it is a depressant. And then we have all this chatter in our brain about alcohol that just takes up so much energy and so much space in our life. So, alcohol’s fun just like chocolate cake is fun, and popcorn is fun, and going to the gym is fun, and hanging out with friends is fun, and laughing, and going to the movies is fun. But we’re not addicted to any of those things, but we can become addicted to alcohol.

And it just kind of creeps in on us when we’re least expecting it. I did not expect to have a problem ever with alcohol because I’d never had a problem with it before. So, it kind of crept up on me and then I became aware of it, and then I got in the cycle that I didn’t like. And then I decided to do something about it, and I just started practicing little steps every single day. And I got myself out of it. And coaching did it for me, I promise you because it’s all mindset work. It’s all becoming aware of what I’m thinking before I drink.

And the feeling I’m looking for that my brain thinks that I need and that I’m looking forward to. But when I know that I can manage my thoughts and I can create whatever feelings I want without alcohol, without sipping any alcohol, or without drinking, making a cocktail or any of that. If I can get the feeling I’m looking for all by myself then I don’t need alcohol ever. Alcohol does not ever have to be a need for me. Alcohol is just like a little cherry on the top of my amazing life.

Just like a beautifully crafted cocktail on a Friday night that I look forward to or a nice crisp cold glass of Sauvignon Blanc on a hot afternoon. So, I’m not drinking to feel a certain way. And another thing that I practiced too is that I made a commitment to myself that I would never – well, when I was drinking less, when I was backing off that I could have one cocktail every day if I wanted one. I would just plan it ahead. I would just go, “Yeah, you can have one cocktail or one glass of wine and then you’re going to stop there.”

If you feel like a cocktail, if you want a cocktail you can have one and then you’re going to stop there. And that’s going to be enough. And I just started practicing that and I was very committed to myself. And then I was okay if I failed. I was just honest with myself if I overdrank and I didn’t beat myself up, I was okay with it and I got right back on my commitment the very next day. And eventually you know what happened? I just didn’t need alcohol anymore. It was a practice, it was an intention, and it was a discipline, and it was a mindset.

And I just started loving myself more than I loved alcohol and the feeling that I was imagining that alcohol brought to me because when I really started paying attention, you guys, after one drink the alcohol didn’t even taste that good. And I didn’t feel that good. It was so much better anticipating it than actually drinking it. So, I want you to start paying attention to that.

Pay attention to what you’re thinking about alcohol. Write it all down, look at all your thoughts it. Most of them are not true. Most of your thoughts, your brain thinks that alcohol is a good thing but then turns around and beats you up about it afterwards. So, I want you to pay attention to that. That’s where our brain cannot run our life. We have to run our life. We have to intentionally every single day live a life we love. Do the things that matter most to us and then at five o’clock when our brain says, “This is our drinking time”, we go, “But is it really?”

What could I do now that actually would have a better back end benefit for me? Maybe I go for a run instead. Maybe I go for a hike instead. Maybe I go visit someone instead. Or maybe I just pour – and this is what I did too, I just filled up on Pellegrinos and limes and I poured it into a beautiful glass. And I still do all of this but honestly you guys, during the day alcohol is just not a big part of my life and I promise you it never will be because I’ve learned the practice and the skill of managing my thoughts and my emotions around most things.

And during 2020, during that year of the pandemic when I got a little too dependent on alcohol I learned how to break free from it. And I would love to help you do the same thing. I’m not even saying you have a problem with it but if you’d like to think about it less, if you would like to not be so attached to alcohol, if you’d like to not worry about what other people are going to think about it or what you’re going to do in social occasions, I have all kinds of ideas for you.

Kind of my rule for me is if I’m the one throwing a party I usually just pour myself one glass of champagne, or I’ll pour myself one glass of Sauvignon Blanc, or I’ll make one Grey Goose cocktail. And that’s it for the entire night and the rest I just sip, and I visit. And alcohol just is more of just a little treat that I’m carrying around. It’s not anything that I’m just gulping down and pouring into my mouth because I’m way more interested in the people I’m with and the life that I’m living than what I am hoping that alcohol does for me.

Because alcohol doesn’t just come and pour itself into you, it doesn’t just happen to you. You are the one that’s in charge of it. You are the one in charge of the pouring and the pulling the glass up to your mouth and the dumping it into your mouth. It’s you, it’s not the alcohol. The alcohol does not have to be in charge of you ever again, I promise you it doesn’t. And it’s fun to have a cold beer on a hot day, it’s fun to have a cocktail with friends. But because I’ve done this work and because I’m the example of this you literally can have one drink.

And there’s no drama around it at all because that’s your habit, that’s all you do. It would be so odd for you to pour yourself a second drink. It would be so against who you are, it wouldn’t serve you and it would be like having cocaine or something that I never ever do. So, it would just be bizarre for me to overdrink now. I never ever wake up with a headache ever. I can’t remember the last time I woke up with a headache. I mean because I don’t drink much alcohol I have a life that I absolutely love living.

Because when I was overdrinking alcohol and even though it was 2020, and it was over a year, overdrinking alcohol did not make that year better for me, it actually made it worse for me. I had a lot of work to do afterwards to get myself back on track. And so, because I did that work I just want to be open and honest with you guys, that it is so possible for you. I’m the example of that. You can wake up so bright eyed and energetic in the morning when you don’t overdrink at night.

And so, when you’re committed to early mornings that’s a really good reason for you not to drink alcohol the evening before. So, when you get to the evening before you’re like, “Well, I actually can drink as much as I want but I know how I’m going to feel in the morning.” And is it worth it to me? My answer is always no. It is never worth it to me. And I think it’s because I’ve learned to have so much respect for myself and I’ve learned to hold myself in the most highest regard.

I would just not treat myself that way. So, if you’re over 40, if you’re in the second half of life and you find yourself overdrinking and you want to want to stop I would love for you to come and work with me for six months. I can help you get everything back on track. We just start discovering what is in your brain that is creating that desire for alcohol. And we just start taking those thoughts one by one and getting curious about them.

And we just start changing everything because of it. You change your thoughts, then you change your feelings, and then you change your actions, and you start drinking less. You stop overdrinking. You start falling in love with yourself. You start falling in love with your life. And it is worth every single penny that you’ll invest in yourself. It’s worth every hour of work. I mean you guys, to live a life you absolutely love that is very productive, and worthwhile, it takes maintenance, it takes work, it takes daily work. I’ll just never stop doing it.

And overdrinking will rob you of everything that is possible for you in the second half of life. I promise you it will. And it’s so possible for you to start drinking less starting today and I can help you. So that’s what I have for you today my friends. I hope this is encouraging and inspiring for you, know that you are not alone. Know that it’s just the chatter in your brain. And the first thing that you can do, number one is learn how to process urges. Your brain’s going to offer you a thought like now it’s time to drink and your body’s going to have an urge.

And if you just stop answering that urge for alcohol, you just can name that feeling in your body and sit with it, or get on your bike and go for a ride instead until that urge passes. That’s step number one. Have something to do during the time that you normally drink alcohol. And then step number two is decide ahead of time. That’s my plan for my life is that I decide the day before what I’m going to eat and drink. So, I just stick with my plan, that’s why I trust myself.

So, it’s so fun to do this work and just see how the days start adding up. When you plan ahead of time, you can even – I was coaching a client yesterday about this, she was headed out for vacation and she was like, “Well, I love having a drink in my hand, it’s so fun.” And I go, “Yeah, it is so fun but just have one drink.” You totally can do that. Or plan ahead for vacation, for me three drinks is too much. I will definitely wake up with a headache and feel bad the next day and that’s not worth it to me.

But I will definitely have two drinks when I’m on vacation. I allow myself two beautiful cocktails or two glasses of wine. And I can make those last and totally enjoy them and be free in my mind about it and not beat myself up at all. And I know with food I can get up the next day and feel great. So, this is special occasion on vacation. But just get real honest with yourself and stick to your plan and do it because you want to love your life and you want to love yourself and this is the way of it.

Alright, well, those are some ideas for you today. If you need some help I’m your girl. And have the very best week, know that I love you, I’m here cheering you on and supporting you. And I will talk to you next Thursday.

Thanks for listening to Reinvented After 40. If you want more information or resources from the podcast, please visit KymShowersLifeCoach.com.