Ep 76. Self-Discipline is Still the Queen

I am Kym Showers, and this is Reinvented After 40, episode number 76: Self-Discipline is Still the Queen.

Hey, friends. Welcome to Reinvented After 40, a podcast for all you women in the second half of life who are ready to take responsibility for your own well-being and create a life you love living.

I’m your host, Kym Showers, and after spending the first 40 years of my life people-pleasing and following all the rules, I was exhausted and ready for a change. I reinvented myself. I stopped outsourcing my happiness. And I’ve been brave enough to live a different kind of life.

I’ll be here each week to help you do the same thing. It’s going to be fun. Let’s go.

Hey everyone, welcome back to the show. How are you today? I am sitting here in my cozy corner staring out at a beautiful blue ocean. It has been a stunning day here and I just wanted to have you picture this in your mind in case you do not have a window looking out at a crystal clear blue ocean right now like I do. It’s so beautiful and so fun. And I love recording this podcast here because truly my mind is on fire and so happy with this view.

So let’s talk about self-discipline. First of all I wanted to because I told you I was going to tell you a little bit about my Newport Beach trip. I took myself away, I was actually gone for four days. I left early Thursday morning and well, maybe three days, three nights and three to four days-ish. I came home early on Sunday and drove myself home because that’s such a good time to leave LA area is early Sunday morning. I had no traffic. I just whizzed on home, it took maybe three and a half hours I think, three and a half to four hours.

But I had downloaded a new book on my way down there and listened to half of it on the way down and the other half on the way home so I kind of lost myself in the book and it was amazing. But this trip was so fun. I love Newport Beach, I have friends down there and I had always wanted to stay at the Lido House. I’d never stayed at Lido House, the hotel there right at the marina and it was just so fun to stay there. And I did some shopping, that was amazing.

And then I have this very sweet friend that I’ve had since high school you guys, and I was just trying to add up the years. So I think it’s 40 years now that we’ve been friends and she is precious. I know she’ll be listening to this because she listens to all my podcasts. But she just has been the most loyal friend forever because that’s just her, that’s just who she is, it has nothing to do with me. And I just appreciate this long friendship and the steadiness of it and the way that she just consistently always shows up, she’s just always been a super easy friend. She’s very confident.

She has an amazing family. I adore every single person in her family. I feel super close to all of them. They’ve always treated my family so beautifully and I just want to mention her. She knows who she is but they have a darling little place down there, a little getaway. And when they bought it a long time ago, that was when I was a home design business and they hired me to go down and decorate that place and it was just one of my favorite jobs of all time. And so it’s always been a really special little place. And they have had Jeff and I there several times.

And I’ve been there with my friend Mary so many times. So Newport has become a very special place to me and to my husband actually. We’ve made some really sweet memories with our friends. But they’re in the middle of a little tiny remodel. And I told her I would help her again as a friend to just pick out a few things for the remodel. She has a really good taste and I just told her I would pick what I like and then she could decide, make the final decision. So I got to spend two whole days with her down there and that was so special.

And then she snuck in and paid for my hotel room for the weekend without me knowing and surprised me as a gift. So I’m just telling you this girl is a friend of friends and I love her so much. So it was an amazing time and every minute of it was so perfect and so full of love and joy and I just loved it. And of course it’s always so fun to get back home too. The reason I’m telling you this is because I love taking myself away. Jeff loves that I love it and he doesn’t have a problem with it. And he’d rather be home most of the time. So it works out so good for him and I.

We just have the best time together. And I told you this week on my Instagram that my relationships are so easy for me because I really just, and especially my marriage, I probably have the easiest marriage in the world. I don’t even know how we got here. I think we worked at it pretty hard for a while and maybe that’s why it’s so easy. But I am telling you that it’s so easy because I’m married to a very easy person who has a lot of self-confidence and I know it can’t be that easy to be married to me on one hand. But then on the other hand I think it’s really easy to be married to me.

So I just love that I feel so much freedom in my relationships and especially my marriage. And I get to just do what I want and it’s the best life. So it definitely took some work to get here and to figure out what I wanted. And I’m living the exact life I want. Is it perfect? No. It is far from perfect. I still have normal problems like everybody has, trust me, I do. I just don’t tell you about them because the problems that I don’t tell you about really don’t have anything to do with me so I would never talk about anybody else. But the problems that I create for myself I definitely tell you about.

And the problems that I create for myself are usually always 100% in my mind. It’s just a story. So I do think who would I be and what would this moment be and what would this day be without the story in my head. And if I ask myself that question, you guys, my days are always wonderful. I mean they’re perfect. The only thing that could ever bring a day down is a negative story that I have in my head so this is where self-discipline comes in. And this is the gift of coaching, you guys, I cannot even tell you.

I messaged my coach this morning. I said, “Hey, I have something personal going on. I really need some coaching. Do you have time in the next few days?” And she said, “Absolutely.” And she got me in right away. So I would not be who I am today if I did not have a coach, if I was not a coach, if I did not have all of these skills and tools in my toolbelt every day and especially if I didn’t have this disciplined mind that I have.

I just am the boss of my mind and I have so much self-discipline. I do not let my mind run my life, if I did I would not be who I am with so much going for me, and so much optimism and momentum, and all the great feelings that I feel every day. So I want you to know if you’ve been considering coaching, 100% you’ve got to do it. This is the time for you to do it.

You’ve got to learn how to manage your thoughts and your emotions so that you can live the exact life you want to live because so much that is going on in your life and troubling you right now, I promise you it’s out of your control. You have zero control over it. So if you learn how to discipline your mind and stay in your lane and control the things that you can control this is what coaching does for you. Oh my goodness you can let go of so much that is keeping you feeling very stuck right now.

So, first of all I want to tell you that my next group starts, I think it’s March 22nd. It will be on Wednesdays at 11 o’clock in the morning for an hour. So come grab your spot. I’m selling it right now and there is a spot for you and I want you to grab it. And then you will be invited to my retreat. That’s going to be amazing, this event is going to be life changing, two days together filled with dreaming big. I’m going to help you create a life you absolutely love and we’re going to do it in person and it’s going to be so much fun. And only my clients get invited to this.

So come get in this March group, that retreat is included. The only cost to you will be getting yourself to Shell Beach and the cost of your hotel room. But the two days with me I’m going to buy you lunch both days and it’s going to be very special. And it’s actually going to be at the Cliffs Hotel that’s on the water in Shell Beach. The whole thing will be there and I’ll have a block of rooms. You can stay right there at that hotel so it’ll be super convenient. And you can watch the sunset over the ocean. You can go on long walks on the path right there. It is just a stunning place to be.

And then we’ll have a fun little evening at my home one of the evenings. So go grab your spot in my March group and you’ll be so happy you did. I’m going to teach you how to discipline your mind and your emotions and create the exact life you want moving forward in your life in the second half of life which is you guys, the very best half of life.

So let’s talk a little bit about self-discipline and how it really is the key and it has always been the key to my life. And now I just am so upleveled because of it. So everything I commit to I discipline myself to do it. So it takes a commitment first and then it takes self-discipline. I have to actually do the thing that my brain does not want to do in the moment and that’s what discipline is. It’s doing what you don’t want to do in the moment for the sake of my future self, your future self. Our brain will always want to take the easy route. Our brain will never want to do the work.

Because I’m so self-disciplined I have created an extraordinary life for myself and self-discipline will always be the key because it’s the discipline that I have in my mind too. So I always have my future self in mind and she is so worth the work that I put in today. She is always thinking, me now for putting in the work that I really don’t want to do. So when you say you’re going to start something tomorrow this is what our brain loves. Our brain loves to say, “Let’s start it tomorrow.” Our brain hates to say, “Let’s do it today, let’s do it now.” I just want you to know this. This is a very normal brain.

So when you are self-disciplined which I know I am, this is a skill I have, this is a tool I have, my mind is disciplined and I take action from a place of knowing I’m self-disciplined, not because I am motivated, because motivation comes just behind self-discipline. Once I start doing the thing that my brain doesn’t want to do but the thing that I’m committed to doing in the moment then motivation kicks in. This is kind of the way it goes. Self-discipline first, motivation second and then momentum. Then we create some momentum.

So I just want you to know this. I want you to know that self-discipline is the queen. This is the practice, this is the tool, this is the must have in the second half of life to create what we really want. So I never ever play the victim to my life. I never say, “Well, I just can’t do that.” Because that’s just my brain not wanting to put the work in or my brain being afraid that something’s going to go wrong or someone’s going to get their feelings hurt. Or there’s not enough time, there’s not enough money, that all comes from scarcity and fear.

But once I’m already committed to something then I just am all in because I have a goal and I have a future self in mind and I am disciplined. And that’s where my notepad comes in. I’m disciplined to do everything that I say I’m going to do and I like my reasons for each thing that I say I’m going to do. So you have to know your reasons, you have to like your reasons. And you have to do it even though you don’t want to do it in the moment. That is self-discipline and the motivation kicks in, once you start on the treadmill then you’re motivated to keep running once you’ve already started it.

You’ve just got to get started, whatever it is, you’ve just got to get started with this podcast. I’m like, “Yeah, I have this on my calendar this morning so I’m going to record this podcast this morning. And my brain’s like, “Well, we’re not ready, we don’t have anything to say. We should put it off. We should wait till later.” And I’m like, “No, we’re going to do it right now.” And then once I get talking all this motivation and momentum will kick in because I know that’s how it goes.

Then I get into a flow, that’s how it goes for you too. So discipline, get yourself to a place where you absolutely are the boss of your brain, you can say honestly about yourself that you are disciplined, you are self-disciplined because you like your reason for the commitments that you’ve made. You’re doing it for your future self which is the next best version of you.

The next highest level and that’s what I’m all about. It’s so much fun to live this way, to know that there’s more for me in the future, keeps me going, keeps me committed, keeps me disciplined, keeps me motivated, keeps me with this credible momentum. Let’s say even when I get some bad news, even when I’m sad I know how to process emotions, even when I’m disappointed. I leave a space for all of it. I’m just a normal human woman just like you are. I promise you I have the exact same problems that you have but I know how to coach myself.

And I have a coach that I love so dearly, I have such a good relationship with her. I trust her. She knows me. And when I say,” I really need some personal coaching.” She’s just like, “Yeah, let’s do it.” And it helps me so much, coaching helps me so much you guys that’s why I want the same thing for you. Come get in my group, hire me to be your coach. I will help you in every area of your life, especially with the way that you think and feel about yourself and the way that you think and feel about all of your people.

I can teach you this very amazing tool of self-discipline and how you just really recognize in the moment that when your brain is trying to talk you out of things you just override that brain and you do it anyway because you’re so disciplined. And you just really start creating this new mindset about everything and you create a motivation for yourself after that and then you just get in a flow which is momentum. It’s just all of this energy just builds starting with self-discipline. I can’t say enough about it.

I have the life I have. I feel the way I feel about my life. I have the mindset I have because I am so disciplined. So don’t let anyone tell you anything different because this is true and this has been almost 62 years of me living on planet Earth and building a life that I absolutely love. And I plan to even make it bigger and more wonderful with each passing day, week, month and year. And I love and I owe it all to coaching and to self-discipline. So come get in my March group. Do not hesitate. Go grab your spot. It’s on my website. It’ll start the third week of March, it’ll be Wednesdays 11 o’clock Pacific time, California time.

I know that you can make an hour in your schedule. You can go sit in your car with your iPhone if you’re at work. You can have someone watch the kids for an hour. You can make time and space for you. It will be the best decision you ever made. I would love to be your coach and I promise you it will change your life, this group will absolutely change your life. And the retreat will change your life and the minute you sign up I’ll get your workbook in the mail immediately to you.

And you can just start working on the workbook even before the March group starts. And also you and I will have a one-on-one session before the March group starts as well. So you get so much value for your money. It’s just a no brainer. You’re worth it. Your life is worth it and all the people you love are worth it. So hire me as your coach and change your life forever, I can’t say enough about it.

Alright, I love you guys. You’re all awesome. You’re worth working on and life is work, it is, it’s just work and becoming our best selves takes intention and it takes self-discipline. Self-discipline is queen and it’s the best queen. Alright, and I’m queen and you’re queen. Have the best week. I will see you next Thursday.

Thanks for listening to Reinvented After 40. If you want more information or resources from the podcast, please visit KymShowersLifeCoach.com.