Ep 14. How to Reach Your Goals No Matter What

I’m Kym Showers, and this is Reinvented After 40, episode 14, How to Reach Your Goals No Matter What.

Hey, friends. Welcome to Reinvented After 40, a podcast for all you women in the second half of life who are ready to take responsibility for your own well-being and create a life you love living.

I’m your host, Kym Showers, and after spending the first 40 years of my life people-pleasing and following all the rules, I was exhausted and ready for a change. I reinvented myself. I stopped outsourcing my happiness. And I’ve been brave enough to live a different kind of life.

I’ll be here each week to help you do the same thing. It’s gonna be fun. Let’s go.

Hey everyone, welcome back to the show. Hope you’re having an awesome week. I just got back from my hike on my beautiful mountain right across the street for me. I ran into one of my clients which is always so much fun. I actually have only one client that lives close to me, most everybody else is actually spread out throughout the United States which is also pretty incredibly fun. But I did run into Lisa on the mountain, I love her so much. And we always just kind of catch up on our week which we just did.

And what’s really exciting is we’re both reading Brené Brown’s new book, Atlas of the Heart and just both obsessed with it. You guys, it’s so good. If you haven’t ordered it yet, order it or pick it up at Target like I did. She has a special edition. We get a little extra thing if you buy it from Target. But anyways, we also talked about her interview on the podcast, We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle. And Glennon asked Brené what the difference is between grit and grind. And she gave the best answer. And Lisa and I were both just kind of blown away by it.

And I’m going to give you my own synopsis of the answer, what I made it all mean. And that’s kind of what I’m going to talk to you about today. Grit equaling commitment to ourselves first. And that is how we reach our goals. So she says the difference between grit and grime. Grit is when you do things for yourself for the right reasons. And grind is when you do things for everyone else for the wrong reasons. That’s my interpretation. Grind is wearing yourself out with a people pleasing, hustling, exhausting, I have to prove something kind of energy.

Grit is different. Grit is when we do things for the right reason. Grit is not worrying about what people are going to think. Grit is being willing to step away from the crowd. Grit is being willing to let people be wrong about you. Grit is knowing who you are and trusting that what you want is valid, and right, and good. Grit is commitment to you. Grit is trying new things before you’re ready. Grit is being willing to be bad at it and showing up anyways. And also grit is knowing when to walk away. Grit is knowing when to quit when you’re ready to quit.

Grit is being the kind of woman who trusts herself. Grit is commitment to you no matter what. Grit is commitment to your goals no matter what. And this is what I want to teach you today. This is what I’m so excited about. How to reach your goals no matter what, this topic is so very thrilling to me. I’m a no matter what kind of woman and I want to teach you how to be the same. If you’re like most women you’re pretty good at setting goals but not really great at reaching goals. And we actually have a good reason for that.

When we set a goal and don’t reach the goal it’s because we’re not committed to reaching it. We want it and we like wanting it, we’re actually more committed to wanting it than reaching it. We want to lose weight. We want to get in shape. We want to feel happier in our marriage. We want to get out of debt. We want to make more money. We want to stop getting so frustrated with our kids. We want to stop worrying about our kids. We want to stop gossiping. We want to eat less sugar. We want to drink less alcohol.

But there is a huge difference between wanting to make the change and actually being committed to making the change. The wanting is easy. The commitment takes grit. The commitment takes intention. The commitment takes I’m going to do it no matter what. It takes determination and no excuses. Our problem is we’re in a rush to get to the goal. We think it should be easier than it is. We think it’s taking too much energy and too much time. And then we let our brain talk us into quitting.

The real reason we don’t reach our goal is because we believe our thoughts. We believe our brain when it tells us it should be easier. We believe our brain when it tells us it shouldn’t take this long. We believe our brain when it tells us it doesn’t matter and it’s not worth it. Our only problem is we believe our brain. The real reason we quit and don’t reach the goals we plan for ourselves is we’re more committed to the quick fix than we are to what we really want. We’re more committed to being comfortable than we are to up-leveling our life.

We’re more committed to self-doubt than we are to self-love. You must be committed to that one thing no matter what. You’ve got to be 100% committed to it even when you don’t know how and when you don’t feel like it and when other people don’t support you. To be committed to your goal you’ve got to get real clear on what your goal is. Great questions to ask yourself are, what do I want? Do I really want it? What’s my reason? Do I like my reason? Am I willing to do whatever it takes? How committed am I truly?

You get real honest with yourself. If you want it but aren’t committed to it, tell yourself that. Be someone you can trust to tell yourself the truth. I want it but I’m definitely not committed to doing what it takes to get it. Alright, that’s a great start and that is good to know. You can just want it but know you’re not committed to it and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean anything bad about you, it’s just an honest conversation with yourself. However, if you want it and are committed to getting it, that’s a completely different conversation, an entirely different outcome.

It might sound like, I want to get healthy and so I’m committed to eating less and exercising for 30 minutes every single day no matter what. I’m committed to those two things. I’m committed to believing I can do it. I’m going to set myself up to achieve that goal. I’m going to intentionally plan my food and plan my workout. I’m going to stick to my plan. I am 100% committed. It’s on my daily calendar. It doesn’t matter how long it takes. It doesn’t matter if I don’t feel like doing it. It doesn’t matter if it’s inconvenient. It doesn’t matter if anyone else is doing it.

It doesn’t matter what nonsense my brain offers me. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. I’m committed to this goal. I am committed to doing what I say I’m going to do. I’ll write it down each night before I go to bed. I’ll get up and make my future self, proud. I am committed to believing I’ll achieve it and showing up for myself. This is more than just wanting it. Can you feel that energy? It’s so different. This is commitment. When you’re committed to your goal you’re committed to yourself.

For example, this is my story, this is what I do. I’ve always been very committed to my health. And the older I get the more committed I am. And I’m always adjusting things depending on what my body is telling me. I’m super in tune with my body. I set myself up each day to do what I say I’m going to do. I make it easy. I make it fun. I trust myself. It’s always between me and me. I show up as my future self, the one who has already achieved the goal. I think like her and have her confidence.

So you guys, I joined a gym a few weeks ago and committed to going five days a week for 30 minutes each day. And I haven’t missed one time. I had to actually physically drive over there and take a tour, and ask all the questions, and pay the money, and sign the contract. My brain was like, what if you pay the money and you don’t actually go? And then I was like, “You know I always do what I say I’m going to do. Of course I’m going to go.” This is the way I answer my brain when it tries to talk me out of what I really want.

I have a very trustworthy relationship with myself. I am very committed to myself, you guys. I was, just to be honest, I was a little nervous at first because it was a new place, a new gym, and a new commitment. So of course I’m going to be a little nervous. I just expected, it’s never a problem for me to be nervous, I’m kind of used to it because I’m always doing new things. But now after a few weeks of going five times a week for at least 30 minutes, it’s a routine and my body is actually getting so much stronger by the day. And I’m not nervous anymore, I just get up and I go.

I don’t let my brain talk me out of it. It’s not like I want to go to the gym. It’s that I’m committed to going to the gym. There is a big difference. It not only gives me a stronger body, it gives me another layer of self-trust, self-confidence and self-love which I call grit now. Commitment to your goal and commitment to yourself will do the exact same thing for you. Pay attention to your life like I’m paying attention to my life. What’s the one thing you really want to achieve? How committed are you to that one thing? You can do anything you want to when you commit to it.

I tell my clients to treat the goal like a newborn baby, that absolutely needs your attention. You don’t make excuses like I’m too tired, or I can’t afford it, or I don’t have time, or I don’t know how, or I’m too old, or I’m not good at it, or what will people think, or it’s too hard, or I’ll do it tomorrow, or it doesn’t matter, or I change my mind. Or whatever excuse your brain’s been feeding you. You just do it no matter what. You’re laser focused and hyper attentive.

There are zero excuses or legitimate reasons why you don’t take care of the baby. You get up and change her diaper when you don’t feel like it. You get up and feed her when you’re tired. You pay attention to her, and you give up everything else that is demanding your time and energy because you’re committed to the baby. The baby is absolutely your priority. That’s the mindset you must have when you set a new goal. The goal must be almost an obsession at first so that you do it.

If you want to start a business, if you want to stop overdrinking, if you want to stop overeating, if you want to work out every day, if you want to learn a new skill, if you want to change the way you feel about yourself. If you want to stop people pleasing, if you want to stop worrying, if you want to feel happier and more in love, if you want to be more organized, if you want to stop overspending. And if you want to make more money, if you want to be a really good decision-maker, if you want to be more confident, if you want to be more brave.

If you want to improve all of your relationships especially the one with yourself. You treat your new goal like it’s the most important thing you’ve ever done. It’s your priority. It’s your focus. You for sure will be bad at it at first but it doesn’t matter. You just keep doing it no matter what. Just like when you have a new baby you adjust your entire life to accommodate the baby. You don’t neglect, or make excuses, or forget. It’s hard, and frustrating, and tiring.

You keep practicing until you get better, and more comfortable, and it gets easier and more like a routine every single day no matter what. This is how you reach your goals, you commit to them. This is how I reach my goals, I commit to them, that’s it. It’s not hard. It’s simple actually. Reaching your goals is inevitable when you stay committed.

Staying committed is even easier when you hire me to be your life coach, truly. This is all in commitment at a deep level. You’ll not only reach your goal faster, but you’ll change so many other things you’ve been wanting to change. It’s like a trickle down effect. I’ll help you see what’s working and what isn’t working, and how you can change it. You’ll experience mindset shifts every week, kind of like the sun slowly rising in the east, your life gets clearer and brighter every single week.

My clients say hiring me was the best decision they could have made, and you can believe them. They keep reaching their goals. They’re more committed and confident than they have ever thought possible. It’s quite amazing actually. It’s a miraculous process, you guys. You’ll absolutely love it and I have a spot for you starting in January. Become a woman of grit, and confidence, and commitment. Sign up today and change your life for good. Commit to yourself, commit to your goals, coaching will get you the results you’ve always wanted.

My coach helps me get what I want, and I help you get what you want. I get coached and you get coached, and we all reach our impossible goals. We’ll make 2022 our year. Be my next new client, we’ll have so much fun together reinventing your life, I promise.

So that’s all I have for you today. I hope it was as much fun as it’s been for me delivering it to you. I know it’ll be helpful for you, goals are my jam and getting and achieving goals is what I’m really good at. I love you so much for showing up, and listening, and sharing my podcast with your friends. Thank you so much for that. Have the happiest week and I will see you next time.

Thanks for listening to Reinvented After 40. If you want more information or resources from the podcast, please visit KymShowersLifeCoach.com.