Ep 15. The Powerful Habit of Being Happy

I am Kym Showers, and this is Reinvented After 40, episode 15: The Powerful Habit of Being Happy.

Hey, friends. Welcome to Reinvented After 40, a podcast for all you women in the second half of life who are ready to take responsibility for your own wellbeing and create a life you love living.

I’m your host, Kym Showers, and after spending the first 40 years of my life people-pleasing and following all the rules, I was exhausted and ready for a change. I reinvented myself. I stopped outsourcing my happiness. And I’ve been brave enough to live a different kind of life.

I’ll be here each week to help you do the same thing. It’s gonna be fun. Let’s go.

Hey, friends, happy Christmas week. Oh my gosh, I love Christmas, just the thought of it makes me so happy. I have created so many magical memories for myself at the holidays. Jeff and I realized this Christmas that we’ve spent 42 Christmases together. It feels impossible but I guess it’s true. We met our first year in college and spent the next four Christmases at his parents, and his grandparents, and my parents, and my grandparents. And then we got married and started our own holiday traditions for the next 37 years.

It’s been a really fun evolution of magic and lots of gifts, and parties, and glitter, and Christmas trees and all the fun things. However it goes every year is just perfect. I have learned how to make every day feel like Christmas in December so there is no pressure on that one day, December 25th. Because I realized a long time ago that if we just expect the 25th to deliver all the magic we’re going to be disappointed because that’s kind of an impossible ask for one little day. So we learned to celebrate ahead of time.

And I have always done that, and it’s just served me so well. So we let it be whatever kind of day it wants to be on the 25th and it usually is quiet, and simple, and sweet, and happy. It’s always a happy day for me because I’m good at being happy. I’ve always been good at being happy. It’s been an intentional habit my entire life and that’s what I want to talk to you about today, the powerful habit of being happy.

I grew up with a mom who wasn’t happy, and I never could make sense of it. Through my eyes it looked as though she had everything she needed to be happy, but she simply refused. She was mostly sad, and depressed, and a victim of her own life. It was like she preferred to be unhappy, and I was baffled by it, and I was frustrated by it, and deeply affected by it. At a young age I decided I was going to be different. I remember in my teens recognizing the link between habits and happiness and so filled my days with activities that brought me joy.

I loved working and I always had a job. I was a cheerleader and had lots of friends. I spent my summers lifeguarding and teaching swimming lessons. I went to church, and ran track, and swam on the swim team. I played softball, and had boyfriends, and said yes to every opportunity to be connected to a fun active group. Somehow even back then I understood that if I couldn’t find a way to be happy in the circumstances I was in I would never be happy. I understood that a life of meaning is linked to a life of joy.

I found out that a positive mindset can create a positive life and that happiness was found in the present moment. This belief system has proven to be truer than true and has served me so well for over 60 years now. The very best news I can give you is that your happiness is entirely up to you. You have everything you need right now to be truly happy if you want to be no matter your circumstances. All it takes is a shift in your mind and a little practice. You’ll have to let go of some old pattern ways of thinking.

You might be waiting for your spouse to change, or circumstances to change, or your money problems to disappear. That’s an endless cycle of waiting. Your husband can’t make you happy, that isn’t his job. Your kids can’t make you happy, that isn’t their job. Your friends, your parents, your coworkers, your neighbors, the entire world in general will never make you happy. You will forever be disappointed. Take that crazy load back from whomever you’ve dumped it on and let them all off the hook once and for all.

If you’re blaming someone for hurting you and using them as an excuse it’s time to let it go. Forgive them, forgive yourself and move on. Stop using circumstances as an excuse. Life is hard but we obviously were designed to do hard things. Hard things are never ending. Stop giving your power away. Clean up your own side of the street. Notice your thoughts and judgments. Stop the drama. Be super kind and super gentle with yourself but get really honest. Find out who you are, find out what you want because life isn’t happening to you. Stop being the victim.

Life is happening for you, you get to decide what you make it all mean. Become the hero or become the heroine like I told you a couple of weeks ago, of your own freaking life. You have everything you need to make it happier and to be happier. So start with gratitude, always start with gratitude. And I’ll tell you that a million times, I’ll keep reminding you that grateful people are happy people. Gratitude changes everything and is always the best starting point.

When you get a little lost, circle back to gratitude, build your new happier life here. You want to create an abundant mindset. You need to know in the depths of who you are how much you have, and you have so much. You are completely beautiful just the way you are right here, right now. And you have everything you need to be thoroughly and completely happy if you want to be. Train your mind to know that and remember that. And live from that space.

Stop talking about your problems. Stop focusing on everything you want that you don’t have. And start focusing on everything you want that you already have. That’s right. Train your mind to focus on all the dreams you’ve ever dreamed and all the prayers you’ve ever prayed that have already been answered and have already come true. Look back at this year and all you’ve accomplished and all you’ve created and celebrate it.

Spend a few minutes each morning for the next 21 days, write down at least 10 things you want that you have already created for yourself. Every day find 10 new things and jot them down. Make the longest list you can make and memorize it, and celebrate it, and smile about it, and talk about it. It only takes 21 days to build a new practice. And this habit will shift your perspective and get you out of that dumb comparison scarcity cycle that has been stealing your joy.

Gratitude creates an abundant mindset. And an abundant mindset is everything. It literally sets your soul free to be happy. Happiness is the joy you feel when you are fully engaged in your own life and when you take full responsibility for your own thoughts, your own feelings, and your own actions. It’s a very powerful habit to create for yourself. Your behavior matters, your habits matter, what you intentionally practice each day matters. Happiness will begin to come easily for you when you train your eyes to see the potential and possibilities right in front of you.

You will always find what you’re looking for. You’ll become that person you’re wanting to be, and you’ll be contagious. Happy people create a happier world. Happy people create happier towns, and happier neighborhoods, and most important, happier homes. Be happier. A happy life is the most powerful life.

And I know it, I live a very happy powerful life intentionally. I do what I love to do. I love inspiring and motivating people, especially women to live their very best life. I love helping women finding appreciation for what they already have. I love helping women find a happier space to live in. This is my work. I have always been drawn to possibility. I believe in tapping into our potential and the power of a positive mindset. We have the agency to make life anything we want it to be, and I have always known this.

I have lived this way my entire life, right now at 60 years old I intentionally have the same fire in me that I felt when I was 23 years old getting my teaching credential. And when I was 30 years old, having my first baby. And when I was 40 years old running my interior design business. And now at 60, a professional life coach for women just like me who want to reinvent themselves and live a very happy, powerful life. My entire life is still in front of me.

I think about my future self every single day. I don’t let my past decide what my future looks like because I always decide my future will be even better than my past. My next 10 years will be for sure my happiest, my most productive and my most inspiring 10 years of my life. It is so exciting to live this way you guys. It will be anything I decide it will be. I get to become anyone I want to become and do anything I want to do. I refuse to live small and limited by fear and other people’s opinions. How boring is that.

I refuse to live limited by age and what’s expected and what everyone else is doing, that’s a waste for me. We have a calling in life, and this is mine. Coaching people, coaching women to be their best self, the highest version of who you can be.

I have a beautiful client named Bonny, I’m madly in love with her. She just turned 71 last week and she hired me a couple of months ago to help her make her next 10 years her happiest. And she is already doing incredible things. I’m helping her decide what she really wants and empowering her to think bigger, and feel differently, and take the steps to give her, her best life. It’s so exciting for both of us.

Every week she comes to our session with a new fire in her and new stories about how different she responds to all of her circumstances and how it’s affected her life and her relationships in such a powerful way. You guys, it’s never too late to change the entire way you think and feel about yourself and the way you think and feel about your life and all your relationships. So what about you, what are you drawn to? What lights you up when you talk about it? And what do you have endless energy for?

You’ve got to pay attention. Explore your potential. There is unlimited ways to live. It doesn’t have to be the way everyone else is living or the way your friends and family are living. It doesn’t have to be the way you’re living it right now. You can change your life any time you want to. You are much more than you can imagine you are, smarter, stronger, more beautiful, and more capable. Decide for yourself, stop asking for permission. How you think about yourself is everything. Know who you are and know what you want.

The world needs us to contribute our best. It’s why we’re here. Whether we’re 41, whether we’re 51, 61, 71, we have value to offer. To create something new, to become a better version of ourselves we must go through the process of change. Our thoughts cause our reality. I know how to change my thoughts on purpose to get the results I want. It’s always been about how we think and what we believe. I’m attentive to my beliefs and my thoughts. I really do think life is spectacular and I really do believe people are amazing and our possibilities are endless.

I believe I can be as happy as I want to be, how about you my friend? What do you think? What do you believe? Who are you becoming? What do you really want? The best gift you can give yourself right now especially at Christmas is to know the answer to these questions. You can’t keep doing the same things over and over and expect different results. Don’t be afraid to switch things up. You have to be brave enough to let one thing go to make space for the new thing. That’s how you grow. That’s how life works.

We create our lives and it’s never too late. They don’t just happen to us. You don’t have to do what everyone else is doing, you can do what you want to do. Be creative, whatever you can imagine you can create. If you want your life to improve and you’re not exactly sure where to start, I have some ideas for you and they’re not hard because really being happy is pretty simple. So don’t complicate it, or overthink it, or try too hard. There is no pressure on being happy.

Here’s a few ideas. Get up a little earlier. Mind your own business. Stay in your own lane. Notice what you’re thinking. Tell the truth. Take responsibility for your feelings. Drink more water. Ask more questions. Have more fun. Stop complaining. Stop making excuses. Stop talking about other people. Do something that scares you. Be present. Move more. Sit less. Smile. Be curious, not critical. Let go. Buy some flowers. Take an old friend to lunch. Meet a new friend for coffee. Wave at your neighbors. Make peace. Drink a green juice.

Look everyone in the eye when you talk to them. Pay attention. Ride your bike. Do your best. Speak kindly to yourself. Be happy where you are. Kiss your husband. Start fresh. Love your life and I promise you your life will love you right back. That’s how you create a life that’s happy. Begin again as many times as needed. If you want happier relationships with the people you love the most you’ll learn how to think happier thoughts about them because our relationships are what we think about someone else. Our thoughts about them determine our relationship with them. That’s it.

We think it’s more complicated than that, but it isn’t. We want to believe that they play an equal role in it, but they don’t. We have a story about every person in our life that we tell ourselves. We have thoughts about them, and those thoughts create our relationship with them. You alone get to decide what kind of relationship you have with your people. Isn’t that pretty amazing?

If you want to have a happier relationship with your mom for instance, you can. Change your negative story about her. Stop talking about her in a critical way. Find a new way to see her, and think about her, and talk about her. Instead of my mom drives me crazy, she’s completely ridiculous, you can try the more positive dialog such as, well, that’s my mom, she’s doing the best she can, and I love her. Tell a kinder story to your brain.

Remember that your brain thinks thoughts automatically that it’s practiced at. You may have to retrain it when it comes to certain people in your life who tend to trigger negative thoughts. I promise, the more you practice telling a more compassionate and kinder story to yourself the better your relationship becomes. I truly love every single person in my life. I have a close relationship with them. I have no idea what their thoughts are about me, but I don’t need to know that. My only business are my thoughts about them.

I have a good relationship with them because I think good thoughts about them. I feel close to all my people because I want to. You can do the same. You must think intentionally. It’s magical and kind of fun. Your thoughts are running your life. Your life is your relationships. Your relationships are your thoughts. It’s all up to you. Your thoughts about yourself, your thoughts about your people, your thoughts about your life, learn the incredible, powerful skill of being happy in your life. It’s a practice and a mindset that will benefit not only you but has a ripple effect and will inspire every single person the planet.

Your circumstances do not create your happiness, you do, being happy is a habit. It’s a simple practice. It’s staying in love with yourself, and staying in love with your people, and staying in love with your life. It’s welcoming all of it, the good and the not so good, and trusting you have everything you need to handle it. I know that our purpose and goal in life isn’t to just be happy but being happy sure helps and it’s truly really fun.

And I’d love to help you develop the habit of being happy. Come work with me for the first six months of 2022 and I’ll teach you how to be who you really want to be and how to experience your life in a happy and powerful new way. You’ll love the whole thing so very much.

So have the happiest, merriest Christmas ever my sweet friends. I love you all so, so, so, so much and I will see you next week.

Thanks for listening to Reinvented After 40. If you want more information or resources from the podcast, please visit KymShowersLifeCoach.com.