Ep 31. What’s Possible For You

I am Kym Showers, and this is Reinvented After 40, episode number 31: What’s Possible for You.

Hey, friends. Welcome to Reinvented After 40, a podcast for all you women in the second half of life who are ready to take responsibility for your own wellbeing and create a life you love living.

I’m your host, Kym Showers, and after spending the first 40 years of my life people-pleasing and following all the rules, I was exhausted and ready for a change. I reinvented myself. I stopped outsourcing my happiness. And I’ve been brave enough to live a different kind of life.

I’ll be here each week to help you do the same thing. It’s gonna be fun. Let’s go.

Hello and welcome back to the show. This has been a very productive, fun, rest filled week. We went to a beautiful 60th birthday party for a dear friend of mine over the weekend. And let me tell you, 60 is the new 40, at least in my circle of people, 60 has never looked so good or felt so good, and been this full of style and fun. Women are aging very well. And I’m so proud of us. We also got to hang out with our kids and grandbabies which is our funnest thing.

And I’ve been doing a lot of swimming, and running, and weight training, and coaching. We’ve had beautiful weather and lots of time outdoors. I actually had planned to be in Austin this week at a big Life Coach School event. But changed my mind at the last minute and opted to stay home instead. It was actually an easy decision.

When I said yes to going a long time ago it sounded like a really fun thing to do, and I was looking forward to it. But a couple of weeks ago I changed my mind because it really wasn’t aligned with what I’m focused on right now and would take away from these few things that I’m building and creating. So, I easily made the decision to cancel my flights and cancel my hotel room. And it was absolutely the best decision.

I’m always working ahead, and keeping a steady pace, and never burning myself out. I can’t do everything, but I sure can do a few things really well. And I know exactly what they are. I don’t do things that don’t align with what my goals are. I’m always reevaluating and making decisions. I can change my mind, and cancel plans, and have zero anxiety about it. I have come a long way from the woman I used to be who used to agonize over decision making. I stand behind all my decisions now and keep moving forward.

I remember when being a strong decision maker was a goal of mine and here I am being a strong decision maker and it serves me so very well. I always get what I want. I always decide what’s possible for me, that it is actually possible for me and then I go and get it. And that leads me into this week’s episode. What’s possible for me is what’s possible for you, which is anything, anything is possible for us. Anything is possible for you. Actually, everything is possible for you. You simply decide what you want, and you go get it.

If you want to be a woman who makes easy quick decisions with zero anxiety, you can be. If you want to be a woman who doesn’t worry, you can be. If you want to be a woman who works out consistently every day, you can be. If you want to be a woman who is organized and productive, you can be. If you want to be a woman who eats delicious healthy food with no regrets, you can be. If you want to be a woman who has a beautiful wardrobe and feels beautiful in her skin, you can be. If you want to be a woman who lives in a house with an ocean view, you can be.

I want you to know that everything, anything you really want you can have. Everything I’ve ever wanted I’ve created for myself, and I want you to do the exact same thing. The first thing you need to know is the only obstacle in your way of getting what’s possible for you is your brain. Your only problem, your only obstacle is your brain because your brain doesn’t want what’s possible for you. Your brain wants you to stay the same and be perfectly content with the way things are. You think there are limits to what you’re capable of.

You think you are a certain type of woman who will always have a certain type of job, and live in a certain type of house, and have a certain amount of money in the bank. And if that’s what you believe about yourself then that’s exactly what you will always have. You don’t understand that if you want more than what you have in every area of your life you can have it by creating it for yourself. If you want to have more money in the bank you can create it for yourself. If you want a house in a different neighborhood or a house in a different town you can create it for yourself.

If you want a different job, a job that will challenge you, and up-level you, and light you up, you can create that for yourself. If you want to feel more comfortable in your skin, and feel more confident in your clothes, and be the kind of woman who shows up every day and is proud of who she is. You can create that for yourself. That’s possible for you. You can love where you are, and love who you are, and keep moving forward creating something better. A different, more expansive experience is always possible. It’s why we’re here.

We want to keep expanding our life experience. I usually have tools for you on Thursdays. I have tools, and steps, and practices, and ideas for you to start doing that will get you the life you love. But today I’m offering you two things I want you to stop doing. These two things will change your life and open up energy and space in your head, in your heart, in your body to create something new that is possible for you.

The first thing I want you to stop doing is talking about what’s going wrong. Stop talking about who’s offended you. Stop talking about other people’s problems. Stop talking about your problems. Can you even remember what your problem was three problems ago let’s say, or two problems ago? I bet you can’t. I bet you can’t remember what your problem you were talking about yesterday was. Wake up to the truth that your brain likes to scan for trouble and camp on problems. Your brain likes to problem solve so it invents problems to solve, and you just keep going along with it out of habit.

Even when one problem is solved you start talking about the new problem. There is always a problem to talk about. But talking about problems is never your highest most empowered self. People that live in their most empowered self, their highest self do not talk about problems. I want you to notice that. Being your most empowered and highest self is the goal, it is what’s possible for you. So, I want you to stop talking about your problems, just stop it. Notice how often you told the same story over and over. It’s an energy sucker.

What you must do to change is to train your brain for what’s going right, what went right yesterday, what’s going right next week, what’s going right today. It’s an intentional work. You can’t see what’s going right if you’re talking about what’s going wrong. Be on to yourself. There are people who spend their entire lives dwelling on what’s going wrong and what could go wrong. Don’t be one of them. It’s possible to change and by changing this you will change your life.

Change your dialog, make it a personal rule between you and you to talk about your problem once if you must and then only brainstorm solutions after that. That’s the good thing about having a life coach. You can literally just come tell me your problem and we’ll go to work solving for it. You do not ever have to talk about it again. There is always at least one solution to your problem. I will never buy into the story of your constant troubles and struggles. I just don’t believe them. You must start looking for what’s possible for you.

You must decide what kind of life you want to create, what kind of example you want to be, what kind of people you want to attract. If you notice, people that talk about their problems a lot attract people who talk about their problems a lot. So maybe you need to get out of that circle and stop talking about your problems. Attract people who talk about what’s going right in their life and they’re dreaming about the future. That’s always a better conversation.

You have to tell yourself the truth and take responsibility for the way you’re talking about your life as if it’s simply happening to you. Your life isn’t happening to you. You are creating your life. You have the power and the agency to change your story if you want to. It can be a super great story starting today. It starts with what you choose to think about. So, dwell on what’s going right, talk about what’s going right. Dwell on solutions instead of problems. Retrain your brain. Stop talking about your problems.

The second thing I want you to stop doing is making excuses. Stop making excuses. Just start by noticing that you do because your brain loves making excuses. My brain loves making excuses. Your brain loves to be right. It loves to deflect. It loves to find reasons for why you can’t get what you want, or why you can’t go after your goal, or why you didn’t show up for an appointment, or why you didn’t follow through on a promise, or why you can’t lose the weight, or why you can’t stop overdrinking, or why you aren’t growing your business, or why what’s possible for me isn’t possible for you.

A million little excuses are always being offered to you and your only problem my friend, is that you believe them. And you use them to keep you from what’s possible for you. Be the kind of woman who never makes an excuse. Be the kind of woman who does what she says she will do. It’s so possible. Just start noticing how often you make excuses. I just want you to start noticing because when you are aware of it then you can stop it.

They may sound like, I’m too tired. I overslept. I’m too old. I’m not smart enough. I wasn’t raised like that. I’ve never done it before. I can’t afford it. I’m not good with money. I’m not good with time. I’m unorganized. My husband won’t understand. People will judge me. My kids will definitely make fun of me. I forgot. It’s too late. I’ll never be good at it. I didn’t get enough sleep. There’s not enough time. There’s not enough money. There’s not enough energy. Do any of these excuses sound familiar? I hear them all the time.

Your brain is relentless with excuses, and I want you to be aware of it. I want you to stop saying them out loud. Not one of them is a valid reason for not getting what you want in your life. They’re not even true. If you intentionally stop making excuses you will become a woman who owns her entire life experience and always does what she says she will do, and becomes an example of what’s possible.

Your brain has convinced you that you’ll never be successful, or you’ll never have a house with an ocean view, or you’ll never be happily married, or you’ll never have a body that you love, or that you’ll never stop worrying about your kids. But I want you to know that your brain is wrong. It’s 100% possible to have, and do, and be any of these things. I am an example of it. If I can do it so can you. I’m not any more special than you are. I just don’t listen to my brain much anymore when it wants to make excuses, I just don’t make excuses. I do what I say I’m going to do.

If I want it I go get it. I think on possibilities. There’s an endless amount of them. I find them when I watch movies. I find them in documentaries and shows. I find them when I read books, and look at Pinterest, and listen to podcasts. I find them when I scroll Zillow, and scroll Instagram, and when I have conversations with my family, and my friends, and my clients, and my colleagues. I find what’s possible for me everywhere that I am and everywhere that I look. I literally dwell in possibilities, and I want you to as well.

Everything you want is possible for you. I have a great example for my own life. I’ve always wanted a house with an ocean view. 12 years ago, when we became empty nesters, Jeff and I bought a little house at the beach that we call The Bungalow. It’s the perfect little beach bungalow except it doesn’t have an ocean view. We thoroughly enjoyed it on the weekends for over 10 years.

And Jeff really wanted it to become the place we retired to. We even tried to get permits to remodel it so we could have a rooftop deck with an ocean view. And that would have been great, and I would have enjoyed it, but I still wanted a house with an ocean view, not a house with a rooftop with an ocean view. I dream big, I dream bigger. I wanted my dream house with an ocean view from every room because I knew it was possible, I’d been in them. I know people who live in them. Lots of people have dream houses with ocean views from every room.

I didn’t think it was too much to ask for because I knew it was possible for us. And I was committed to being one of those people that lived in a house with an ocean view. Jeff was perfectly happy with the bungalow, and I just kept saying, “Well, someday I’m going to live in my dream house with an ocean view. I don’t know about you, but I will.” And guess what? Guess who lives in their dream house with an ocean view? Jeff and I both do. We made it happen. I made it happen. I decided it was possible and I went, and I got it.

I figured out the how as I went along. I didn’t know the how ever until I was in the middle of it. I was just determined to get it because I knew it was possible. So here I am living in my dream house with an ocean view. So how about you, what’s possible for you? What do you really want? Who do you really want to become? Whatever comes to mind in your wildest, biggest imagination is 100% possible for you. You totally can have it. Be determined to create it for yourself by believing in it and going after it, and never ever giving up on it.

Make room for the possibility of it by quitting two things starting today. Quit talking about your problems and quit making excuses. I’ll be the example for you, and you be the example for someone else. And we’ll all create a life that we absolutely love living, that’s how it’s done.

So, you know I love you and adore you for listening today and following along and sharing this episode with all of your people. It’s so helpful for all of us. Have the best week dwelling in your possibilities, dream big and I will see you next Thursday.

Thanks for listening to Reinvented After 40. If you want more information or resources from the podcast, please visit KymShowersLifeCoach.com.