Ep 133. ‘It’s All Happening’ Energy

I am Kym Showers and this is Reinvented After 40, episode number 133, ‘It’s All Happening’ Energy.

Welcome to the Reinvented After 40 podcast. I am your host, Kym Showers, and I’m a certified life coach for women in the second half of life. Each week I’ll bring you direct advice and inspiring, practical wisdom to help you live your very best life and create a future you’re absolutely obsessed with. It’s going to be fun, let’s get started.

Hey my friends, welcome back to the show. How are you today? I am sitting in my darling little bungalow, my little 900 square foot, white clapboard beach bungalow, three bedrooms, two baths. You guys, it’s so dang cute. The first time I’ve ever recorded a podcast here which is so exciting. I can’t wait to see how it all turns out. I’m sure it’s going to be fabulous, of course it will be. So as you know, I’ve told you that Jeff and I moved to our little bungalow that’s two miles away from our house because we are having half of our house remodeled right now.

So the crew has been there, they’ve been jackhammering and deconstructing and demoing. And it’s a hot mess right now, which is amazing. I love kind of that picture when you want to make a change, a big change in your life, you kind of have to go through the demo part first of deconstructing what you’ve built that is no longer serving you. And then you have to kind of blow it all up, break it all apart, tear it all down and then start from scratch rebuilding. And that’s what we’re doing at the house. It’s going to be so beautiful.

It’s mainly our bathrooms but our bathrooms are going to be darling. My whole bathroom is going to be all Carrera marble, which is my favorite. Jeff’s whole bathroom is going to be black and white, so very simple but super cool and updated. So it’s going. It’s all happening my friend. And you might be feeling that too. You might be having some of that, it’s all happening energy. So I want to tell you a little bit about what this means to me, it’s all happening. So our life is happening right now. We’re not waiting on anything.

And this is what I know. And I got that thought, that thought popped into my head, I want to say last week. And I’ve been teaching a little bit on it with my coaching groups. But I really want to talk about it today because it’s so profound to me. So I was driving back and forth from my house to the bungalow and just kind of taking our clothes, taking some of our essentials, including my cappuccino maker and my juicer. Because those are my essentials and all my workout clothes for Orangetheory.

I just have my essentials for life that have to be here with me at the bungalow. Everything else can get left back there. And I also brought my big new darling birthday present that I bought for myself. It’s a picture painted by Kerri Rosenthal that I’ve been wanting forever and it’s called Queen of Hearts and she just hangs beautifully over my bed. So I brought the queen. I call her the queen. And I hung her over my bed here at the bungalow. And it’s just so fun and so darling.

If you don’t follow me on Instagram, follow me on Instagram and you’re going to get little peaks of the bungalow, which is so fun. So I was driving back and forth, bringing all the stuff. At the same time, the same day I had made a bunch of final decisions for my May retreat, the things I was going to order to give away to my clients who are coming to the retreat. Making decisions on the schedule and the food and all of that. So that was the same day.

And then I get a phone call while I was in my car driving down to the bungalow, I got a phone call from my cousin. And she asked me if I would speak at my Aunt Bert’s celebration of life. Let me backup and tell you. If I haven’t mentioned this on one of my episodes in March. I want you to know that my entire 63 years of life, I’ve had an incredible aunt in my life. Her name is Bert McCarthy, and she passed away on March 3rd, right before my birthday, unexpectedly. She had a stroke on the 2nd.

And my cousin called me and I asked her if I could come to the hospital and she said, “Absolutely.” So Jeff and I jumped in the car and drove over and I got to tell my Aunt Bert all the ways she has made such a difference in my life. And how incredible of an influence she has been to me and how much she loved me and how that changed me and how much I love her. So I got to tell her all the things that I really wanted to tell her. And then she passed away less than 24 hours after that.

On the Monday before her service, her service was March 15th and so that Monday before the 15th is when my cousin Judy called me and said, “Would you want to speak at her funeral?” And I said, “Absolutely, I would be so honored.” And when I hung up the phone, I felt very overwhelmed, but in a different way. And I had the thought, it’s all happening. There was an energy in me that I kind of loved and it felt elevating to me. I recognized it. I paid attention to it.

And I knew that everything that I’ve ever wanted is all happening right now. And my big yeses to all of it, my yeses to this business, to my clients, to the retreats that I throw, my yeses to remodeling my home and moving to the bungalow. And investing my time and energy in that, investing my time and energy in my retreats and in my clients. And then when my cousin asked me to speak at my precious, beautiful, important aunt’s service and I said yes, it felt like such a big brave yes, but also the biggest gift. And exactly what I would choose, my highest self would choose.

And I had this revelation, I had this epiphany about this kind of alignment, this kind of energy and I’m calling it, it’s all happening energy. Everything we ever want is available to us. It’s all happening. It’s going to happen whether we participate in it or not. And I want to participate in it. That’s the big yes. I don’t want to live my life in fear and say no to it because I’m afraid. Everything is a little scary. Our biggest life is a little scary, you guys. It’s always going to be scary speaking at a huge funeral.

And I was the only woman, everybody was family members but I was the only woman. And the men in my family are all professional speakers. They’re amazing speakers, they’re very practiced at it. And I not only was honored, I was scared, but also I knew I could do it. I knew I would be really good at it and I had all the things to say and I trusted myself. And it’s because of the work I’ve been doing, this intentional work of staying in my own lane, putting my blinders on.

And putting myself in positions every single day that when I see what I want, I’m brave enough to say yes to it, no matter what the commitment is, no matter what the investment is. So that’s where it’s all happening. Energy, which is an elevated energy that makes me feel so alive, completely productive. I’m the boss of my life, 100%. I don’t have to defer to anybody. I’m not waiting on anyone’s opinion. I’m not asking anyone’s opinion because I trust myself more than I trust anyone else and this is profound. This is remarkable.

This is a miracle to be able to live in it’s all happening energy, to be aligned and to be brave enough for all the big yeses that are leading you to your highest self, your best self and your biggest life, especially in the second half of life. So let me tell you a little bit about my Aunt Bert. I have been loved by her for 63 years. She was a remarkable woman. She was magnificent. She was full of life, zest for life. And she loved all of her people fiercely.

And I was so reminded of that at her service on the 15th, the way that she made me feel is the way that she made everybody in that church feel. As soon as they met my Aunt Bert, she had a way about her making you feel you were definitely her favorite. We all felt like we were her favorite, I definitely did. And it was her, it wasn’t us. She was the magic. She had it in her. She had this huge heart and she could just see the good in everybody.

And her and I have been connected ever since I was a little girl because I’m a lot like her and I’m so proud to be. She has been such a positive influence on me my entire life. And I always wanted to be with her. This is why we want to be with people. It’s because of the way they make us feel. She made me feel so important. She made me feel so loved. She made me feel like I could do anything that I set my mind to. I never felt resistance from her. I felt like her arms were always open to everything that I am. So it made me want to be with her.

So that was a really good lesson for me. And I’m going to pass this lesson on to you too. The people that you love the most, if you want to spend time with them, the secret is to love them wholeheartedly without reservation. Stop resisting who they are and tap into their genius, tap into their magic, tap into their remarkable ways about them and let them know how much you love them, how supported they are by you. And they’re going to want to be with you.

If the people you love the most are not wanting to be with you, if you feel like you have to manipulate them, if you have to threaten them, if you have to play games with them. Give them the silent treatment if they’ve hurt your feelings by not wanting to come and be with you. You don’t want to push them away by being mean to them and by trying to control them. They won’t want to be with you. You want to accept them as they are. You want to support them. You want them to feel safe when they’re with you. You want them to feel loved when they’re with you.

And that requires a lot of you, that means you’re going to have to level up and elevate yourself and stop being mean to yourself and stop being mean to them. They’re not doing anything wrong. So my Aunt Bert taught me that. My Aunt Bert taught me how important it is to openly love the people that you love and create a safe environment, an environment of love and magic and happiness. And that always made me want to be with her.

Another thing she taught me that I love so much and I tell people this all of the time, I want to tell you. I don’t know if I told you before in any past episodes, but I’m going to tell you again. When I was in my late 30s, I had a couple of massive panic attacks for the first time. I didn’t know what was happening to me, but I was such a perfectionist. I was raising my kids. My daughter Clancy was in kindergarten, and my son Riley, was in second grade. I was everything to everyone.

And I had a couple of really big panic attacks. I was throwing a huge Christmas party, I was room mom in both of their classes. They both went to private school. And being room mom was a huge job in both of their classes. I was leading a really big women’s Bible study at my church. And I had a perfect home, I kept everything just so. I put so much pressure on myself. And I really did think I needed to be everything to everyone and that helped me to feel okay about myself.

This was in my late 30s and I put myself last and everyone else first. I said yes to absolutely everything. Every request I was like, “Yes, I will do this. I will do that. I will show up.” So I had so many people asking me because I was the yes girl. Well, I had a panic attack which landed me in the hospital because I thought I was having a heart attack because I didn’t know about panic attacks then. So this was when I was 37 years old. And you might be able to relate to this.

I’m talking to all you women in the second half of life, and even those of you darling women who are young, maybe still in your 30s and maybe have experienced this lately. My Aunt Bert, you know what she told me? The kindest words, the kindest sentence and because it came from her, it healed me. It was such a huge part of my healing from people pleasing.

She said this sentence to me, she looked me in the eyes, she took my face in her hands. She said, “Kimmy, you’re not that big of a deal.” And that chokes me up. She said, “You’re not that big of a deal. The world’s going to go on without you, you take care of you.” And now when I see young women being everything to everyone and women in the second half of life, all of my clients, I take their face in my hands and I say, “Honey, you’re not that big of a deal. You don’t have to be anything to anyone except for you. Be everything to you.

Put yourself first. The world will definitely go on without you.” I cannot tell you the power of that sentence, and I’m saying it to you, my friend right now. You’re not that big of a deal. You can take the world off your shoulders. You can let everything else go. You can disappoint all the people anytime you decide to when it’s not working for you anymore, when you’re actually doing it at your expense. So my Aunt Bert did that for me, such a huge gift. I didn’t even say that at the funeral because I had so many other things to say, but I want to say it to you today. You’re not that big of a deal, my love.

And I say it to me all the time if I let any kind of pressure creep in and I find myself thinking or people pleasing, thinking thoughts that I am not allowed to do, the thing that is best for me. I’ll look myself in the eyes and I’ll say, “Honey, you’re not that big of a deal. Kimmy, the world will go on without you. They can be disappointed. They can find someone else to do it because you aren’t the only one. There are so many other women that can take your place there.”

So that was an amazing gift from my Aunt Bert, and that’s who she was to me. She was so fun. She was the one that I got all my ideas, we loved decorating. We were in business together. We had a kitchen shop, a little boutique, we sold dinnerware, tabletop darling dinnerware in the late 90s. It was so fun. We did that together. It was called Pottery and Pine because we were both very much into style and decorating and throwing parties. And we loved all of that.

She collected cookbooks. She was a fabulous cook. She was Italian and Christmases at her house, you guys, were everything. She taught me how to throw magical Christmas parties. And all holidays were magical because of her. She was like my little fairy godmother. I loved her so, so, so much. She lived a brilliant bright life and affected, influenced hundreds of people for the better. And I definitely was the recipient of her love, her grace, her joy, her zest for life. And I’m committed to carrying on all the goodness about my Aunt Bert.

And there will be no one else like her, but I’ve learned so much from her. That’s how much we influence each other. I don’t even think she knew the profound influence she had on the people that she touched. She had such a huge influence and it’s all happening energy. It’s all happening now, the joy, the love, the heartbreak, the loss, it’s all happening now. And just I’m committed to creating more and more and more of that energy of saying the big yeses to all the things that align with my goals for this second half. I will never give up on it.

And I really do believe I’m just barely scratching the surface of this type of energy, this energy that feels so elevating and feels so brave to me. Where I keep growing my capacity to say yes to the things that I really want to do, that maybe my past self would have been too afraid to say yes to. Or maybe would have said yes and then backed out of it at the last minute, not realizing that it’s just my brain trying to talk me out of it. It’s my brain that’s scared. It’s not my highest self, that’s scared, it’s my brain.

So my best self, my future self, my highest self, my elevated self, my strongest self, my most magical self says yes to the it’s all happening energy because it is all happening. All of life is happening here and now and I’m committed to it. I’m saying a big yes to all of it, but only the things that are beneficial and aligned with my goals. I would never say yes to anything that would work against me or just because someone else wants me to. I say yes to the things that I want. And that is the it’s all happening energy, the things that I want to do. That gives me so much life every single day.

So I just want to share that idea with you today. If you’ve had those epiphanies, if you’ve had those moments where you’re like, “Oh, this is it, this is what I’ve always wanted”, and it feels terrifying. I want you to open up to all of it, acknowledge it. I want you to know that’s how you grow your capacity to say bigger yeses in your future is to say the big yes that you want. And then to stick with it, even with sweaty armpits, even when you’re terrified, you get up there and you do the thing you really want to do, and then you get better at it and better at it and better at it.

And then that becomes your new normal. That becomes your elevated self, your new space that you’re living in. And the things that used to scare you that you’ve been practicing, don’t even scare you anymore, because this becomes your new normal. This becomes your highest self. And then you just keep moving on, moving forward. That just grows your expansive life, and your ability to do the things that you really want to do, that feel a little bit hard and scary right now and that your brain is trying to talk you out of.

Because remember, there’s you, the spirit of you, the magical you, your highest self. And then there’s your brain and your brain doesn’t want what your highest self wants. That’s what you have to realize. So you just decide ahead of time. And then you stick with the plan and you’re after the it’s all happening energy. There is nothing like it. And I’m after it every single day. I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, let’s do all of these things with sweaty armpits.” And we’re going to get exactly what we want in life.

Okay, your last opportunity to work with me, your last opportunity to come to May retreat is right now. My group that you can still join starts Wednesday, April 10th at noon. It will go for 20 group sessions. You will get two private sessions. You will get to come to my May 2nd retreat in Avila Beach, California. And you will learn how to create, it’s all happening energy for you moving forward in the second half of life. It’s all happening now, you guys, don’t miss it.

None of us are getting out of here alive, I’m telling you. It’s all happening now. Life is now. The best life is right here, right now and it’s available to you. You just have to wake up and see it and say yes to it. You’re worth it, I promise you. You’re everything. Alright, I love you. Thanks for showing up today and I will talk to you next Thursday.

If you love this podcast, I invite you to come work with me. Go to kymshowerslifecoach.com, sign up for my next group and retreat, and let’s create your dream life together.