Ep 18. Future Focused

I am Kym Showers, and this is Reinvented After 40, episode 18: Future Focused.

Hey, friends. Welcome to Reinvented After 40, a podcast for all you women in the second half of life who are ready to take responsibility for your own wellbeing and create a life you love living.

I’m your host, Kym Showers, and after spending the first 40 years of my life people-pleasing and following all the rules, I was exhausted and ready for a change. I reinvented myself. I stopped outsourcing my happiness. And I’ve been brave enough to live a different kind of life.

I’ll be here each week to help you do the same thing. It’s gonna be fun. Let’s go.

Happy New Year, everyone. Hey, guys, I am sitting here typing this on New Year’s morning in a gorgeous house in Lake Tahoe watching the sun rise over the snow covered evergreen trees. I feel like I’m in a Hallmark movie. I’m not kidding, it’s truly magical. This transition from one year to the next year is so sacred to me. I love it and treasure it, and let it be important because it feels important to me, and I want it to be important. We get a million chances and do-overs. And we just get right back up and start again, and again, and again.

It’s so beautiful the way life keeps moving and the sun keeps coming up, and we get a fresh start every year to begin again. It matters so much. It matters so much the way we see things and the way we interpret things, and the energy we bring to the world year after year. This year will be my best year. I’ve said that every year on this day. Every year is my best year. My life keeps getting better. The moment I’m in is always better than the moment before. Right this minute I am filled with more love, more gratitude, and more joy than I’ve ever had.

It’s a way of being and an attitude that comes from years of practice. It’s a compound effect and a layering of thoughts, and ideas, and beliefs. It’s who I am and who I’ve always wanted to be. I am her and so are you. The difference is awareness and opening up to the idea that you are already everything you’ve always wanted. And that you have everything you’ve always needed. Own it, celebrate it, appreciate it and step into it.

So today I want to talk to you about being future focused and how helpful it is in creating a life that you love right now. I have always had this ability to have a clear picture in my mind of who I’m becoming and what new thing I want to learn and get better at. I’m a reader, I’m a writer and I’m an observer and I’m definitely headed in a specific intentional direction. The tool that has been the most beneficial in my growth is being future focused. I don’t want to stay the same. I like change, I like movement, I like growing obviously.

I have three ideas for you today that will help you develop this powerful skill of thinking about your future self. The first one is picturing your future self and then thinking, and feeling, and acting like her right now. As if you’ve already created your dream life and already reached your goals. You have to be her now. What does she look like? How does she feel about herself? What is she eating and drinking? How is she spending her time? Who is she hanging out with? What is she talking about? What is she reading? Where is she living? Get real clear.

If you want to be a woman who is confident, and makes a lot of money, and loves her life, and has a good relationship with all of her people, you must think, and feel, and act like a woman who makes a lot of money and is confident, and loves her life, and loves her people right now. You become her in the future by being her now. It takes some practice. It takes retraining your brain. And you might feel a little like an imposter and that’s normal. It’s the way to get there.

Women who are successful, and confident, and happy, and thriving are living a certain way. They think thoughts that other women don’t think. They feel differently than most women. And they act differently. They have specific habits and practices. And they have certain agreements that are really useful.

And this leads me to idea number two, change your old agreements. So 10 years ago when I turned 50, I read a book that had a huge impact on my life. It changed my thinking and the way I decided to live. It’s a little tiny book with a big powerful idea. It’s called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I read it and I was like, “Oh my gosh, wait, what? How come no one ever told me this before? Why are we all not talking about this?” It resonated with me so deeply.

It was exactly what I needed, the premise is everything I do is based on agreements I have made with God, with others, with myself and with my life. These agreements have told me who I am and how to behave, and what is possible for me, and what is impossible for me. I didn’t realize that I had these specific agreements until I read this little book. I had never thought about it like that before and it was such an aha moment.

The kind of wife I was, the kind of mom I was, the kind of daughter, and sister, and friend I was had been created by my own agreements that I agreed to but was unaware of. I just thought this was how I was supposed to be. And they all worked fine until they didn’t. I didn’t want to agree to old agreements anymore. I wanted to be different than the way I was being. And this little book gave me permission and gave me a way to be different, it literally changed the direction of my life in my 50s.

I adopted four new agreements that absolutely set me free and gave me the power and mindset to create a new kind of life. And I’ve been living by these four agreements ever since. Agreement number one, be impeccable with my word. Agreement number two, don’t take things personally. Agreement number three, don’t make assumptions. And agreement number four, always do my best. Those became my goals, practices, mantras, and agreements. I literally wrote them down every day for a year so I wouldn’t forget.

This is what matters most to me, I retrained my brain to think these thoughts. I dropped all old agreements and focused on these four things. For the past 10 years I have been practicing these four ways of being and they have served me very well in every area of my life, especially in the way I think and feel about myself, impeccable with my word, don’t take things personally, don’t make assumptions and always do my best. I have these agreements on my mind always. This is what matters most to me.

This is what I agree to that gives my life so much meaning and so much power. My agreements between me and God, my agreements between me and me, my agreements between me and my people, and my agreements between me and my life. At 60 years old I am everything that my 50 year old self wanted to be. I am so very grateful now that my past self did the work, changed her agreements, and reinvented the way she was living.

These agreements have been the engine to my future self and making my dreams come true. I practiced being her then. I kept believing and becoming her then. I am her now. Idea number two for you is change your old agreements.

And moving on to idea number three, dream big. Dream big and know for sure that your dreams are all very possible. So 10 years ago when I turned 50 I was a completely different version of myself than I am now, I have truly changed and up-leveled my life in every possible way. I’m telling you this because I want you to know that everything I teach I am an example of. It works, it’s true.

At 50 I had big dreams. I wanted to live in a house with an ocean view. I wanted a career that was life giving, and empowering for women, and gave me financial independence. I wanted to be confident, and thriving, and creating value in the world. I wanted to have healthy, happy relationships with my adult children. I wanted to have the mindset, and discipline, and freedom to do exactly what I want, when I want. I wanted to trust myself and love myself in a way that I knew was possible.

I wanted to break free from old patterns of people pleasing and codependency. I wanted to be the kind of woman that I am now. I became her by dreaming big, and by changing my old agreements, and by stepping into my future self, way back then.

So to recap my three ideas for you today in becoming your future self and being future focused. Idea number one, be your future self right now, think how she thinks, feel how she feels, act like she acts. Idea number two, change your old agreements that are not serving you and will not get you where you want to go. And idea number three is dream big because everything is possible for you. And because of these ideas that I practiced in my 50s I am now in my 60s living my very best life. I am always future focused, and I have a growth mindset.

I have never been the girl who lives in the past. I love where I am, and I love where I’m going. I set goals and imagine all the possibilities. I’m constantly changing, and growing, and evolving. I learn from my mistakes and don’t let them keep me stuck. If I need to change a habit that isn’t serving me I change it. If I need to quit a commitment that has run its course, I quit it. I’m willing to try new things. I’m willing to make mistakes. I’m willing to be uncomfortable. I’m willing to disappoint people. And I’m willing to let others be wrong about me. It’s all fine. It’s all important.

I craft a life that I love. I live a life that I’m proud of. I don’t make excuses. I don’t give my power away. I don’t take things personally. I love myself well. I love my people well. I practice habits that move me forward. I tell the truth. I don’t overcommit. I say yes to the things that I want to do. I hang out with the people I want to hang out with. I feel no obligations to anyone. I don’t gossip. I’m trustworthy, I’m loyal. I’ve decided who I want to be and I’m being her right now. I have big plans for my future. It’s exactly what I’m meant to do. The next right thing, the next best thing, the next big thing.

A work that will add value to the world, a work that will push me, and stretch me, and make me better. A culmination of a lifetime of learning, a lifetime of growing, and dreaming big, and changing my agreements and stepping into the highest version of me. I am making my 70 year old self proud right now. The most successful woman is the woman who is pursuing her potential. The most successful woman is the woman who takes responsibility for her own life. The most successful woman is the woman who is fully present and future focused at the same time.

What we do today is absolutely deciding what we do tomorrow. I want to be the best possible version of myself today. I want to be healthy spiritually, healthy emotionally, healthy mentally, and healthy physically. I practice daily habits that keep me clearly headed in that direction. I want to be an example of what’s possible in the second half of life. I refuse to live vicariously through anyone else, through my husband, through my kids, through my grandkids. They are free to live their best life and I am free to live mine. We’re all meant to flourish in whatever season we’re all in.

So how about you? Are you future focused or are you feeling stuck in the past? Are you willing to drop old agreements that aren’t serving you and practice new ones that will get you where you want to go? Are you impeccable with your word? Do you take things personally? Do you make assumptions? Do you do your best? Are you dreaming big or are you playing safe and small? Such great questions. Ask yourself and observe your thoughts and decide who you want to be.

It might be time to make a few subtle changes, some simple shifts in your thinking, a few adjustments in your habits, some new agreements, maybe just one at a time. Your future self will be so glad you did the work. Set her up for an amazing life experience by being her right now and being brave and making the changes right now. It’s the most exciting way to live. It’s why you’ll love getting up in the morning thrilled about the day ahead. It’s why you’ll love being the exact age you are and also look forward to all the ages ahead of you.

Every decade for me has been so much better than the one before. Life just gets more fun and more interesting. I want everything for me, and I want everything for you too because it’s all available to us. This is the very best news ever. Be future focused and craft the exact life you want, okay? Okay. Agreed? Agreed.

So that’s what I have for you today, I hope it has been inspiring and helpful, and useful, I love you so much for showing up today and every week and sharing this podcast with your friends and family. It means so much to me. So have the best day, have the best week and I’ll see you next Thursday.

Thanks for listening to Reinvented After 40. If you want more information or resources from the podcast, please visit KymShowersLifeCoach.com.