Ep 78. Your Future is Better Than Your Past

I am Kym Showers, and this is Reinvented After 40, episode number 78: Your Future is Better Than Your Past.

Hey, friends. Welcome to Reinvented After 40, a podcast for all you women in the second half of life who are ready to take responsibility for your own well-being and create a life you love living.

I’m your host, Kym Showers, and after spending the first 40 years of my life people-pleasing and following all the rules, I was exhausted and ready for a change. I reinvented myself. I stopped outsourcing my happiness. And I’ve been brave enough to live a different kind of life.

I’ll be here each week to help you do the same thing. It’s going to be fun. Let’s go.

Hey my friends, welcome back to the show. Oh my gosh, it’s such a beautiful day here. The clouds are finally gone I think for a couple of days. The sky’s so blue and it makes me so happy. Though you know we love the rain. You should see our little town. You should see the mountains surrounding me, they are bright green and they have, I don’t know if they’re weeds but they’re those bright yellow flowers. I’m going to call them flowers I think, maybe they’re wild flowers. Some people might call them weeds but all the mountains are covered in them because of all this rain we’ve had.

I can just smell the clean air and I feel like I’m in Ireland a little bit, when we were in Ireland a few years ago everything literally, you guys, was bright green. I think that’s why Ireland’s color is green, that’s why I love green so much. But our mountains are so green I feel like I’m in Ireland and that is just super fun.

So today I want to talk to you about your future and I always have the thought and the belief 100% I believe this, that my future is better than my past. And I have a pretty darned good past but I’m not focused on my past and you know that about me and I love that about me. I love that I’m focused on my present and my future. I see these habits that I have created for myself as creating a really good life for me and I would even call them extraordinary habits. I have extraordinary habits.

Our habits create our life, that’s why I can honestly tell you I have an extraordinary life because I have extraordinary habits. One of my habits is staying present, bringing my mind back to the here and now. When my mind wants to get lost in the past or lost in what maybe someone else is doing or someone else is thinking or lost in what could go wrong. Our brain loves to do that and we can just go offline sometimes for minutes or hours and just lose track of what we’re even supposed to be doing right now.

Well, because of this thought work that I’ve been doing for the last five years and this practice and managing my mind, being aware of my thoughts. I quickly catch myself when my mind is trying to drag me out of the present moment and trying to create some fear in me or some scarcity in me or create a problem for me to worry about. I just bring my mind right back to the here and now and what I’m doing. So I stay pretty focused and pretty present in my body which is such a miracle.

It’s a miracle for all of us that we have been able to train ourselves to live this way because 99% of the time, nothing bad is happening in the present moment. So if you just pay attention, what am I doing right now? Drop into your body, how am I feeling right now? Everything is okay. If I lose the story that my brain is trying to conjure up for me, everything is pretty good right now. So I have rewritten the story of my past several times.

So whenever I intentionally think of my past, man, I tell a really good story about it and I’m going to teach you how to do that at some point. I teach my clients how to do that because we have to heal from any trauma, any hurt, any pain from our past. We all have it and the older we get the more past we have. I have 62 years of past stories. So those just keep adding up and it doesn’t serve me at all if I keep dragging old stories with me that are not useful for me.

So I know that everything in my past was absolutely perfect for me, I was supposed to experience everything. And I also know that my brain has been telling a story about it for many, many, many, many years now. And if it’s not a story that makes me feel good, then it’s a story that I decide to work on intentionally. So if you’ve been, and I know I’ve told you guys this on the podcast before but I have two sisters and an older brother and we were all raised in the same home. So there’s four of us who tell four different stories.

And then I raised two kids and I have a husband so there are four of us from my family that I created, that my husband and I created. And all four of us tell four different versions of the story of our family and how they were raised. And of course because there are four different brains. So I just want you to know that we really do kind of create a story about our past. We really just tell the facts of our past. We add all kinds of meaning to our past and if the meaning isn’t serving us, if the meaning still feels terrible to us when we think of our past then we have some work to do on that.

And I want you to know that we’re creating our future in our mind right now as well. And because I know that everything that happens in my life I create it by my mindset because my mind is creating my feelings and my feelings are driving my actions. So I either show up and do what I really want to do with extraordinary habits every day which creates an extraordinary life for me. So the extraordinary habits actually are created by my mind. Can you see that? And then my extraordinary habits are actually creating my extraordinary life.

My extraordinary life and my extraordinary future is all created by the way that I’m talking about it to myself, the possibilities that I’m dreaming of and thinking about that really I can make possible, I really do know I will and I can and everything is possible for me. And my life just keeps getting better because of it. So this is the story that I tell. This is my reality and anyone who knows me in real life will tell you this is exactly who I am. And I refuse to let anyone tell me anything different because most of the time I’m older than you.

So I’m just like, “Well, I just by default of age I have the authority. And also because I’m in charge of my life. No one else is in charge of my life. I don’t let anyone insert their opinion about what’s possible for me. I get to decide that. You get to decide that, quit letting people tell you what’s possible for you if you think so much more is possible for you. I want you to listen to your big ideas, listen to your big dreams, they’re extremely valid. And I want you to get in the habit and practice of being present. I want you to get in the habit and practice of knowing what your brain is up to.

Your brain’s always wanting to pull you away from the present moment. And there are so many benefits to being in the present moment. Usually it’s that you get to connect with yourself, you get to not miss your life. You get to pay attention to what you really like and what you don’t like. You get to realize that you are here right now and you are bringing a certain energy to the world by just showing up. So you get so much more productive when you stay in the present moment.

And just notice when your brain does go offline it’s usually never how we were as kids. We used to dream so much more, not even on purpose but just naturally kids have a more whimsical way of seeing things. They’re not dragged down by the adult world, by the, ‘you’ve got to be realistic’, you’ve got to stop dreaming, you’ve got to look at the math of things. This isn’t possible for you. No, kids are like, “Yes, we can do anything we want.” And they’re talking when they’re in kindergarten talking about being a fireman or being president of the United States, why not?

Why aren’t we doing that? Well, you know, I’m doing that. I totally am doing that completely out loud and without any shame. I am telling you everything that I dream about and I know that because I have evidence to prove it that I keep making my dreams come true because I have so much belief in myself and the way that the world works. So I just am here wanting you to experience everything that I’m experiencing.

I want you to love your life as much as I love my life because I know it’s possible for you especially in the second half of life, especially as we get older. No one is happier to be 62 than I am. I am so thrilled and happy to be 62 and so proud of it. And I want you to look at your eyes in the mirror and say, “I’m so proud of you for being 42, for being 52, for being 62, for being 72, for being 82.” For all the life that you’ve lived, you’ve just been so enthusiastic about it. You’ve done so many good things.

This is the way we talk to ourself and I want you to get kind of good at bragging. I know it feels like bragging and bragging got such a bad rap. And I know I’ve told you this so many times but it does the world so much good when someone asks you what you do to not play small but brag about what you do and what you create every day with your life. It’s so inspiring and especially us women, we’ve got to be just upfront and excited about everything we’re creating in our life for each other. So that we can pass on our enthusiasm, we can pass on what’s possible for all of us women.

We never have to play small ever again just because we’re afraid that, maybe because I had a client this week say that she was raised, which we kind of all were raised. And I know most women my age were taught, don’t make someone feel bad by telling them how good your life is basically is what she was saying. And I was like, “Oh my gosh, it’s more the opposite of that. Tell everyone how good your life is so they know that they can tell us how good their life is.”

That’s what I’m calling bragging. And when you talk about it like that, bragging is a great thing for the world, it’s a really good thing. So I think what we were taught that bragging is, is that we think we’re better than someone else but that isn’t bragging, that’s just being arrogant. And if you don’t want to use the word ‘bragging’, just say you’re just enthusiastic about everything you’re creating in your life. That’s really what I’m calling bragging.

I love to brag so I brag all day long to all of you, anyone that will listen, all my clients because I just want all women in the second half of life to take credit for their life, to take responsibility for their life. I mean if you’re a CEO of a multimillion dollar business you better be telling us, when I ask you, tell me what you do. And I want you to say that you’re an accountant for a business, for your own business. I want you to say, “I am CEO of my own company. It’s a multimillion dollar business.”

There’s such a different energy there. I’m like, “Oh my gosh tell me all about it.” You might think you’re bragging but all I do is get excited to hear that, please tell me more about it. How do you do it? I want to know everything. So we’re just exploring everything that we can create in our future and how truly when you live like this you guys, your future is so much better than your past which makes my life so exciting. That’s why I love to get up early every morning and get going on my day.

I don’t want to miss a minute of it and it’s such a fun way to live because I know for sure 100% my future is better than my past and I keep making that true. That thought alone is a very powerful thought in my life. I’d love for you to adopt that and start practicing it when your brain is just up to no good and telling you things like you don’t have anything to look forward to. No, oh my gosh, I have everything to look forward to. You’ve just got to get back into the habit of knowing what you want, looking around you, paying attention to what other people are doing to give you ideas.

Think about when you were a kid. I have a client who just started taking dance lessons because she’s always wanted to dance. She’s in her 40s. I think she’s just turning 40 and she was raised in such a way that dancing really was not kind of permitted or she believed that for most of her life and if you wanted to be a good Christian. And now she’s just like, “Oh, I’m taking dance lessons, it’s so fun.” And I’m so proud of her. She’s just busting loose from all of her limited thoughts.

She’s just one of all of us, this is all of us. We have so many limiting thoughts that are keeping us playing so small when really we can be out there living this big enthusiastic, beautiful life that is so inspiring to every other woman that we come in contact with. This is why we’re here. This is why I’m here for sure just to motivate you, to love you, to let you see what’s possible for you in the second half of life, the older the better. I love that thought because it really does just keep getting better.

Our future is definitely on the upswing. Our future has no limits. I really believe it’s limitless. And I just keep getting bigger and brighter and better ideas which I love. So I’m going to talk to you some more about my habits. Maybe I’ll do that next week because extraordinary habits for sure build an extraordinary life. And I would say 90% of my daily habits are extraordinary habits. And I know the reason why I’m doing everything that I do, it eliminates so many bad things in my life when I do so many good things all day long.

I have very specific ways I spend my time, I spend my energy. I’m completely different than I was 10 years ago when I was a people pleaser, than I was 20 years ago, 30 years ago. I just keep getting clearer. I keep getting stronger. I keep getting more productive and I definitely keep getting more energetic and happy and powerful in my own life because of it. So good habits are everything, your future is better than your past 100% I promise you my friend.

Alright, and also I want to invite you to my March group that starts Wednesday at 11 o’clock, March 22nd. We will meet for one hour every Wednesday for six months. I’m going to help you get some traction in your life, help you change your mindset to more useful thoughts, let you see what it feels like to have so much power in your own life, gets you out of people pleasing mode. Gets you thinking differently about your time, thinking differently about your money, thinking differently about your business, thinking differently about your relationships and definitely thinking differently about yourself.

And it will change everything for you. Coaching changes everything, changes everything for me every single day. Alright, so go to my website, sign up for the March group and you’ll hear from me right away. I’ll get you in on a private coaching session. We’ll get to know each other right away. You’ll get my beautiful, helpful, amazing workbook in the mail right away. And then you’re going to get the invitation. I’ll give you all the information for my Dream Big retreat which is in Avila Beach, California at a darling little boutique hotel that we’re going to kind of take over.

And we’ll get to spend two and a half days together just dreaming big for you and your life and your future. This is what you need, I promise you. You’re going to be so happy you said yes to this. Come join my tribe. I have the most beautiful tribe of women in the second half of life, you will fit right in. I have all the best women and I know if you’re feeling a little pull, you really want to say yes, you’re one of us. Just say yes, go to my website, purchase the six month package, put yourself in my March group and your life will never be the same. Okay, I love you all, have the best week ever and I will see you next Thursday.

Thanks for listening to Reinvented After 40. If you want more information or resources from the podcast, please visit KymShowersLifeCoach.com.