Ep 32. Change Your Circumstance

I am Kym Showers, and this is Reinvented After 40, episode number 32: Change Your Circumstance.

Hey, friends. Welcome to Reinvented After 40, a podcast for all you women in the second half of life who are ready to take responsibility for your own wellbeing and create a life you love living.

I’m your host, Kym Showers, and after spending the first 40 years of my life people-pleasing and following all the rules, I was exhausted and ready for a change. I reinvented myself. I stopped outsourcing my happiness. And I’ve been brave enough to live a different kind of life.

I’ll be here each week to help you do the same thing. It’s gonna be fun. Let’s go.

Hey, guys, welcome back to the show. How are you this week? It is spring break, and you know that I live in a little beach town. And so, on spring break my little beach town is hopping with all kinds of happy people doing all the fun things. They’re riding bikes everywhere. And going to the Avila Barn, it is packed at the Avila Barn. And the beaches are just filled with umbrellas, and kids, and families, and it’s so fun. I love it. And I’m so happy for them because I remember when I didn’t live at the beach for 60 years.

And my favorite thing was to get away to the beach and dream of one day living here. And here I am living at the beach and being happy for all the people who get to be here in spring break. So hopefully you’re one of them or maybe you’re somewhere else fun. Or maybe you decided to stay home instead and just take spring break at home like a staycation. So, wherever you are I hope you’re happy, and well, and making all the changes in your life that you’d love to make.

So, let’s see, it’s Wednesday today and I decided to do something a little different. My master coach coached me a couple of months ago and we were talking about this podcast. And I have always written this podcast out word for word before I record it. And it takes me a long time because I know I’ve told you before that when I write, writing takes me a while and I’m just not a fast writer. But maybe even that’s a lie. Maybe I am a fast writer. I don’t know who I’m comparing myself to, but I feel like I am kind of a slow writer. And I know that’s fine.

But my coach told me to stop writing these podcasts out word for word. That after 30 episodes it is time for me to just do bullet points and just start talking to you. And I told her, I said, “I don’t think I can do that.” And she goes, “Well, that’s a lie, of course you can do that.” So that’s why we have coaches, because our coach calls us out on our nonsense, our thoughts that just simply are not true because I know how to talk. And so, I can talk to you without a whole script in front of me, I just know it. So, bear with me, this will be my first time and we’ll see how it goes.

What I had on my mind to talk to you about today is changing your circumstance. And I know I have always told you to change your thought first before you change your circumstance but sometimes we just need to change our scenery, change the energy, our surroundings and be with different people. Be in a different town. Change the route we take to the grocery store even. Change the grocery store we shop at. Change the restaurant we normally go to. Change our morning routine. Change our nighttime routine. Change what we eat every day.

Because we get in a rut or we get in these cycles where all we really need is a little fresh energy, a little different perspective. And that is really the difference between having low energy and being kind of rebooted. And I love just to go to reboot. So, I’m really good at changing.

But I have an example for you today that I kind of shared with you last week on my Instagram and it was a popular one. It’s a little story of a pothole and a woman. You might recall it. But I’m going to tell you again this morning because it’s really powerful and I want to just remind you that we create our own suffering. And when we become aware of it then that awareness leads us to the changes we can make.

So, this woman walks down the street, the same street every morning on her to work. And she all of a sudden fell into a pothole. And it was dark, and it was scary, and it took her by surprise, and she didn’t see it coming. And she was so mad and frustrated. And it took her a while to get out. And she was blaming all the pothole fixers for not doing their job. Finally made her way out, she was late for work.

Next morning walks down the same street, falls into the same pothole. She’s extra frustrated, so mad they hadn’t fixed the pothole, took her a long time to get out. Finally, she got out, she was late for work, she was grumbling the rest of the day. Next morning gets up, walks down the same street on her way to the same job, sees the pothole, falls into it anyway. Frustrated, mad, grumbling, gets to work. Next day walks down the same street, sees the potholes, walks around the pothole, gets to work. The next morning, she takes a different street and gets to work.

She changed her circumstance because she became awake and aware that it wasn’t the pothole’s job to not be there. It was her job to figure out a different way to get to work so that she could have a better experience for her own good, for her own sake. She was creating her own drama, and her own misery, and her own frustration by walking down the street that had the pothole, walking that same path that kept tripping her up. So, she had to become aware of it, wake up to it, take a different street. That’s what I’m talking about.

It’s always up to us to decide what we want, how we want to feel, where we want to go, if we want to be on time, how we want to show up, the energy we want to bring with us wherever we go. Our life experience day, after day, after day like today really matters. I definitely don’t want to fall into a pothole, especially one that I know is there, that I just haven’t been awake and aware and taking responsibility for it. That it really is my experience is always up to me and I own that. And I totally know that. And I think that is one of my geniuses.

And I work really hard at it to keep stepping into the next version of myself. And I am here doing this podcast for you because I want to be an example for you of what’s possible for you. That was my last, I think it was just last week. But anyways, you always have a choice and changing your circumstance is always one of them. Now, changing our circumstance doesn’t always give us the results we want but it is always a choice. And then it’s always a choice about how we think about it.

So, our brain is the reason that we enjoy our experience, or we don’t enjoy our experience. It is our brain, but they’re all linked together, our circumstances first, it’s completely neutral until we think a thought about it. If we don’t like our circumstance we will have a bad feeling which will mean that we will not show up the way that we want to and we will not get the results we want. But if we change our circumstance and we decide that we love the new circumstance instead, and we don’t resist it, and we decide on purpose to change it, we decide to go down a different street.

And maybe the different street has all kinds of different nuances that we have to get used to. That’s okay too. We create our experience on that new street. So, I have another example for you. Monday through Friday I go to my gym, the Avila Bay Club. And it is spectacular. It’s a very boojie place to be able to work out every single morning. They open their doors at 5:30 every morning Monday through Friday. And I am one of the first ones there. There’s usually four cars in the parking lot and we’re all the same ones that show up at 5:30 or a little before.

Well, every morning I walk through the front doors at 5:30 Monday through Friday and Josh is behind the counter to check me in. And I love Josh. Josh is the friendliest guy and I say, “Good morning, Josh.” And he says, “Good morning, Kym.” And he is so pleasant. And he just seems to really enjoy his job. Though to me I know his job cannot be very exciting. He folds towels. He must get there at five, and he folds towels, and he’s there Monday through Friday. But he’s very pleasant and he seems like he enjoys his job. And I know he’s there for eight hours.

But I just love Josh behind the counter. He checks me in on the days that I swim. He always has a couple of towels for me, he hands them to me. And then he reminds me of what lane I have, what lane I reserved. So, Josh and I just have been pals. Well, this last Monday I walk in at 5:30, well, first of all the door wasn’t open right at 5:30, it was just getting opened at 5:30 which is unusual because Josh always opened it earlier for us. And Josh wasn’t there, and Miguel was there, and I love Miguel, but that’s not his job to be behind the desk.

And so I go, “Oh my gosh, where’s Josh?” And he goes, “He didn’t show up this morning.” And I said, “Is he okay?” And Miguel goes, “Yeah, he’s okay, hopefully he shows up later.” So, Miguel seemed a little confused and baffled by it as much as I did. I’m glad Josh was okay. So, Tuesday morning I get there and there’s two new guys behind the counter, still no Josh. And I thought, Josh isn’t coming back. They’re training someone new, dang it.

So, it’s so interesting what my brain did. It was like, Josh, was my guy. He just kind of took care of me. He made my mornings so much easier. Now I have to reintroduce myself to a whole new guy and he might not be as pleasant as Josh. My brain ran through all these different scenarios. He won’t have my towels for me. I’ll have to spell my name for him in the mornings, all the drama that my brain created for me.

But the thing is, is that what I recognized is that circumstances change. And our brain does not like when that happens. Our brain resists change. But change is always good even if it’s difficult, even if it’s not something we would choose. Change always gives us an opportunity to step into a braver, more resilient, more flexible version of ourselves. It always does that for me. And so, I recognized that with me this morning when I walked through the door.

And so, one of the new guys was there and I spelled my name for him and told him good morning and he was very pleasant, said, “Good morning.” And I asked him his name and he said his name was George. So, I said, “Hi, George.” And so, I just decided I’m going to love George because the guy behind the counter at the gym, they’re not going to be there for very long. That isn’t a job where a hustler is going to stay and work for very long. I understand that.

And so, it’s kind of up to me in that experience in the morning to just go with whatever the change is and welcome it. And know this is a good thing because I believe that Josh went on to a more challenging job because that seems like the kind of person Josh was. And George probably won’t last that long either but I’m just going to love George while he’s there. And be a light and a little spot of optimism for him and his job, and let him know how much I appreciate him.

And also, I want to tell you, along with losing Josh was they made some changes. And I always had this routine where I would show up, every morning was a little bit different because I swim on Monday, Thursday, and Fridays. So, I have my little swim routine on Monday, Thursday, and Fridays. I have my trainer on Tuesday and Thursday mornings at 5:30. Thursdays I swim after my trainer. Tuesdays I do a one mile run on the treadmill and I do 20 minutes on the Stairmaster.

But the Stairmaster and the treadmill have always been outside and that’s where I would work out and watch the swimmers. That’s what led me to swimming. And I loved that I could work out outside. But they changed everything. They brought the treadmill and the Stairmaster inside. I was so shocked. So, all this happened this week. And I was like, okay, well, I don’t want to work out inside because now I’m just like, I’ve got to be outside. So, I wonder what I can do.

So, this morning I just decided to switch things up. And I did some workouts with weights that my trainer’s been showing me and teaching me. And those weights are all outside. I can do that outside. And then there’s one tennis court that’s all lit up. And I decided I’m going to run sprints in that beautiful tennis court. So, I just went in that tennis court all by myself and I ran three sets of 20 sprints. And it kicked my butt, and it was wonderful.

And I just thought, well, dang, there’s so many other things I can do when circumstances change. And I just have to get creative, and stop resisting it, and complaining about it. And figure out, hey, just decide, this is a good thing. This is going to be fun. That’s what I’m always thinking, how can I make this fun, and why is this even better for me than it was before. It’s time to change things up.

So, I just wanted to inspire you. I wanted to coach you. I wanted to give you some new ideas about how fun it is to change your circumstance. And how fun it is to know that there’s an infinite number of ways to do things. That the way you’re doing it right now might work for you right now. But you will enjoy your life so much more if you open up to new ideas and just start switching up your routine, switching up being open to different circumstances, maybe even conversations, different questions to ask yourself, different thoughts to think, different feelings to feel.

Change it all up so that you can grow your capacity to be more resilient, to feel all the negative feelings without judging yourself, and making yourself wrong, being willing to be a lot more flexible and not so rigid. There’s so many reasons to switch up your circumstances. And it usually always is to your benefit.

I remember when COVID shut us all down two years ago. And as shocking as it was and as heartbreaking as it was for many of us for different reasons, I still say that it was the hardest thing and the best thing that ever happened to me. It changed me in every possible way for all the reasons that I could ever even imagine. And people, and circumstances, and ideas that I was so attached to, beliefs that I was so attached to, I had to let go. And in that letting go so many of my circumstances got changed.

And because of that I’m living a totally different life right now, and a life that I absolutely love. And where I see things that I didn’t see before, and I understand things about myself, and about God, and about humanity, and about our country, and the world that I didn’t even know was happening. I never actually understood it before and now I do. And was it something I would ever choose? Heck no, I would have never chosen all of that. But has it become an amazing gift to me? Yes, for sure it’s become an amazing gift to me.

My life’s clearer, I’m much more confident, I’ve created so many things that I wouldn’t have had the courage to create before. So even when it’s a circumstance that changes that we would have never chosen, the result can always still be to our benefit. And I love thinking like that. So, it keeps me wide open to it, and to change, and just recognizing when change is coming even. I can feel it coming.

I just have a knowing when change is on its way. And so, I can just stay open to it, and receive it, and go with it. And it brings a lot more ease to my life, a lot less resistance, and a lot less suffering. Not that suffering is bad, I don’t think suffering is bad at all. But change and circumstance is good, and it can always be to our benefit. So that’s my idea for you today. And thanks for listening to my rambling. I know I’ve rambled a little bit. But I’d like to get better at just writing down some bullet point thoughts and sharing them with you here on the podcast because I really just want to be myself.

And I don’t want to read to you on the podcast, I really would just like to chat with you. And I really want you to get to know me, the real me. I want to be as authentic as I know how to be, as honest as I know how to be. I love what I do. I love coaching women. I love seeing women transformed before my eyes. It is so much fun. I love transformation. I love change. I love to evolve. I always know that the possibilities are endless for you and for me. And all we have to do is stay open to it.

And sometimes taking different roads, going to different stores, going to different towns. even listening to different podcasts, I am getting new ideas and new perspectives, fresh energy. It’s so important for living and creating a life we love living. My morning brain is so much happier, and so much more energetic, and so much more filled with ideas than my nighttime brain. So, my mornings are when I get all my work done. And then I get zero work done from about three or four on.

And so, I planned that on purpose. I don’t make decisions, I really don’t do much after about three or four in the afternoon. And so, I just get all my work done in the morning and I love it. Anyways, I hope you guys have the best week. Thanks for following along with me, share this podcast with your friends and your family. Make some changes in your life, even change some circumstances, take some big leaps that you’ve been wanting to take. Trust yourself, have your own back with that decision. And I love you, and I will talk to you next Thursday.

Thanks for listening to Reinvented After 40. If you want more information or resources from the podcast, please visit KymShowersLifeCoach.com.