Ep 108. Believing in You

I’m Kym Showers and this is Reinvented After 40, episode number 108, Believing in You.

Welcome to the Reinvented After 40 podcast. I am your host, Kym Showers, and I’m a certified life coach for women in the second half of life. Each week I’ll bring you direct advice and inspiring, practical wisdom to help you live your very best life and create a future you’re absolutely obsessed with. It’s going to be fun, let’s get started.

Hey, my friends, welcome back to the show. How are you today? It is a Wednesday early morning and I was up at 3:48 per usual. And I went to my 5:00am Orangetheory class and I came home at 6:00 and took my bath and got dressed and got so much done and it’s only 7:00. That’s how I roll. I am a machine, I’m telling you, at 62 years old, I am a machine. I have so much confidence in me and in my schedule and in my life. I have so much belief in myself and it is powerful, you guys.

So that’s what I want to talk to you about this morning, believing in you. Take all the belief that you have in God, belief in your spouse, in your partner, belief in your boss, belief in your kids, belief in your parents and your friends, whoever you believe the most in, whoever you trust the most, have the most faith in, the ones that you count on the most. I want you to take all of that energy, all of that belief and I want you to pour it into you. That is where all your power lies is in you.

You want to be someone that you believe in 100%, not just sometimes. You guys, I cannot emphasize this enough. I want you to believe in yourself 1,000%, so totally wholly that you can count on you. You will never let yourself down again. You will never betray yourself again. So this is the power, this is the belief. This is the level of energy that you give yourself that will absolutely change the direction of your life in the second half of life.

This is what I’ve been working on truly, the last six years in my life. And especially I just this last year, 2023 will be a monumental year for me as far as believing in me and going all in on me, like when you’re betting on a roulette table or on a craps table. But I mean just going all in, all chips in on you. So this year I’ve gone all in on me. I’ve just doubled down on me. That’s the kind of belief I have in myself. I know I can trust myself.

So this last month, September, well, hello, October, I know this is coming out in October, but September was, my calendar, when you looked at my calendar for September was extra, extra full. I did a lot of traveling. I had a lot of commitments. I had a lot of parties, a lot of celebrations. I went to Dallas for my Mastermind, I’ve told you about that. That was incredible and so useful for me.

I’m so glad I went. It literally shifted my brain and created even more belief in myself and that’s what I’m working on. That is what is going to keep getting me where I want to go. And it makes it so much easier when you have full belief in yourself, when you know you’re going to do exactly what you say you’re going to do.

When you look at your calendar and you know with ease, you’re going to make everything on the calendar happen. And you’re going to be present and you’re going to enjoy everything on the calendar. You’re not going to be stressed about it at all. That’s when you have 100% belief in yourself.

So I used to listen to my brain, my brain that had so much self-doubt and I used to listen to a bunch of my old stories, the stories that I kind of brought with me from my 20s and 30s and 40s and even from my childhood. And it just wasn’t useful for me in the second half of life. And so I had to just drop a bunch of old beliefs and a bunch of old stories that just were no longer serving me. And I just gave myself permission to do that.

And that’s what happens when you believe in yourself 100%, you get really good at letting go of things that no longer serve you. Your permission is the only permission you’ll ever need, you don’t have to ask anyone else for permission. You don’t have to look around and see if anyone else is doing that before you go, you just go, you just get to decide. That’s what happens when you believe in yourself 1,000%, you believe in your decisions, you trust yourself. You’re just like, “I don’t even need to think about that, I know what I want.” And you go.

So that’s what I did in September, I just went. We celebrated my darling brother-in-law, Gilbert’s birthday. Well, one of the celebrations on September 10th. And he’s, gosh, such a good cook. He turned 60 on October 31st, so we just started celebrating him early. And what he’s always wanted is a cook off, a BBQ cook off, a chili bean cook off. That’s what, my sister threw him a cook off party.

And so I was just all in on that. I was like, okay. And it was after I got back from my Mastermind and I entered the chili bean cook off, which, it is funny, you guys, because I have to say I wouldn’t be one to call myself a fabulous cook. I have a few dishes that I make pretty well. But I do have this pot of chili beans that I’ve made since we’ve been married, and it’s super simple. But I think they’re so delicious, it’s a little tweak, it’s almost my taco soup recipe too. So I made my pot of chili beans. I entered the contest.

I went to the party and this party has a lot of good cooks, let me tell you. So there were chili beans and then there was another entry was an appetizer, a bacon wrap appetizer, anything with bacon in it, because that’s what my brother-in-law loves, bacon. And so I didn’t enter that one, but the dessert entry was chocolate chip cookies. And so I entered that one too. So I made chocolate chip cookies too and entered that and I almost won that too.

But listen, you guys. I won the chili bean cook off, which is insane. It was so fun to win the chili bean cook off. So now I just decided I am really good at chili beans. So that’s the confidence I have. I won the cook off. I would have never won if I didn’t enter. So that’s the belief I have in myself. I’m like, “Okay, so my chili beans aren’t fancy.” You guys, I use Lawrys seasoning, chili bean seasoning packets for my chili, but I did campaign for my chili. So I’m pretty good now at marketing and selling. So that might have had a lot of influence on the voters of my chili.

So I’m good at chili beans. I’m good at campaigning. I’m good at marketing. I’m good at selling and I’m really good at chocolate chip cookies too. And I used a packet for that as well. So, listen, the whole point of telling you that, don’t believe your brain. You’ve got to enter. You’ve got to play the game. You’ve got to have belief in your own ability in the kitchen. And then just if someone’s throwing a party and saying, “Hey, bring me your best shot.” You’re like, “Okay, I’m bringing you my best shot and I’m going to enter into this contest.”

And you never know, you might win it. And I won a pot, a really nice pot and big, long utensils, everything I need to make chili. So that happened, that was a blast. That was on my September calendar amongst many other things.

I told you about my author retreat, my book retreat that I went on, Zibby Owens, with Zibby Owens, who is like a movie star to me. To be able to spend a weekend with her, it was incredible, having a conversation with her was magical. If you don’t follow Zibby Owens on social media, you should follow her. I think she has now consolidated all of her accounts and it’s all under Zibby Media, so I would follow her, she’s phenomenal.

But I told you on Instagram that my goal next year, among many of my goals next year, because I have so much belief in myself. I am going to write a memoir next year. So I went to this retreat. It was filled with authors who have, if not one, many, many published books which to me, that makes them top notch as far as movie star status in my eyes, anyone that has a published book because I’ve always wanted to write a book and have it published. I just think that’s an incredible work.

And so I got to be amongst, I think there were 60 of us, we took over this beautiful hotel in Solvang, California, which is in the Los Olivos Valley, the wine country, which is just an hour south of me. And so it was just such a quick, beautiful trip. And I got to spend the weekend with 60 women who were all published authors. Zibby also is a podcast host, she’s a podcaster. And I think I was maybe the only other podcaster there, but it was a fascinating time together with amazing conversations.

I learned a lot about writing, the commitment of writing a book and got some ideas on who to contact. And I’m going to hire a writing coach who will help me once I get going in January. But I’m just setting myself up so that I reach that goal next year. And that weekend was incredible. And I’m so glad I went and I will probably go on another Zibby retreat. I think she hosts maybe two or three a year, but I’m planning on going not to her next one, because my daughter’s having a baby in November.

So I won’t be able to go to Zibby’s next retreat but I will be able to go to the one next year. I think it’s in February in Austin. So I’ll buy a spot in that and that will be perfect timing to be amongst authors in February when I will have already been busy writing away on my memoir, so get ready for that, my friends.

And then I left the retreat early because I was hosting my daughter and son-in-law’s baby shower, which we had at my sister’s house and it was so magical. They invited all of their friends and all of their friends’ kids and it was just a darling delightful bounce house, balloons, taco truck, just darling day. We celebrated Clancey and Chiron and baby Milian. We have Goldie who is five. We have Dolly who is three. And then we have a baby boy coming in the middle of November. So we’re so thrilled, over the moon, excited about meeting this darling little boy and so proud of the Milian family.

So proud of my girl. She’s just the best mom and she is absolutely living her dream life and I just love being a little part of her life. So that was on Sunday. And then now it’s Wednesday, I was just off and running, coaching, working Monday and Tuesday. I have a full day today. And then we leave tomorrow, Jeff and I and we’re meeting our friends in Newport Beach, who have a home on Balboa Island. They invited us down for the weekend, so we’re going to spend a weekend with our dear friends and just have a blast.

And that will cap off a very beautiful, full, energetic, productive September of mine of 2023. And I just want you to know that I have come so far as my belief in myself and the outcome of believing in myself is I have so much less stress in my life. I am so confident on the decisions I make and everything on my calendar I’m 100% in on. And I have a really good reason for saying yes to all of these things. I’m constantly pushing myself and growing and evolving and harnessing the feelings of optimism and excitement and enthusiasm for my life at 62.

And the reason I’m telling you about this and my month of September is because this is the benefit of going all in on you. And I kind of have the attitude, because I have so much belief in myself, you know that I don’t ask for opinions about anything. And I just trust my decisions when I make a decision. And if it’s a big decision, I’ll think about it, I’ll kind of weigh it out. I’ll write it down, I’ll write the pros and cons. I’ll think it’s through.

But I just don’t ask for opinions and here’s why, because everyone else believes their brain. And all of our brains are fearful. So our brain will automatically go negative and to what could go wrong first off. First off it goes to fear, what went wrong, what will go wrong, we shouldn’t do too much. And so what I do now is I just believe in me. And I decide what I want to do, what sounds the most fun to me. And right now I’m just all in and going at a pretty good pace. I am the pacer in my own life.

I do not know anybody going at the pace I’m going right now. And I just trust myself. I’m like, “Yeah, if I don’t quit, I like this pace. I have these goals and I’m all in on me and my success is inevitable.” So I’m more like, get on board with me or kind of move aside, get out of my way because I’m going no matter what. So I love this about me. And this is what happens when you believe in yourself 1,000%.

I think that the work of self-belief, self-trust, up-leveling your self-concept, your self-confidence you know you will not quit on yourself. You know for sure if you say it, you will do it and you won’t have a lot of drama about it. Your brain will try and drum up drama, but when you’re on to your brain and you have the skill that I have, that I teach, the way that I coach my clients to learn how to manage that drama in your mind. The drama is what’s sucking all the energy out of us.

So when you manage that drama, you can put that energy that that drama would be taking, you can put it actually into production in your everyday life. So you have lots of resources that you’re never depleted, you’re never burnt out because you’re not people pleasing anymore. You’re not trying to keep someone else happy. You don’t think you can manage anyone else’s feelings nor do you need to nor do you want to anymore. Your only job is to believe in you.

You have an automatic belief in everyone else but I promise you, if you turn all of that energy inward, you first of all get this awareness around all the ways you don’t believe in yourself, you don’t trust yourself, you do let yourself down. When you get that awareness, you get this aha and you’re like, “Oh my gosh, I just keep letting myself down. Why do I do that? I would never do that to anyone else.” I want you to notice that. I want you to be on to yourself. And then I want you to get to work reconciling that.

I want you to get to work believing in yourself, trusting yourself and 1,000% every day, you guys, showing up for yourself. Know the power you have in your own life in the second half of life. Never give up on yourself. Never quit ahead of time. Always follow through. Do what you tell yourself you’re going to do, that just will give you the dreamiest life.

And remember, I was telling you guys that Arthur C Brooks, I’ve added him as one of my new gurus. I just love the way he thinks about happiness and teaches happiness. And I just have adopted a few of his philosophies and his descriptions about happiness. And now I just say happiness is a direction. So he says happiness isn’t even a feeling, which I do agree with that.

I really do agree with that because I like thinking about happiness as a direction, because in this direction that this lifestyle, I think a lifestyle is a direction, I think happiness is a direction. It’s a way of being. It’s a way of moving about in my own life and the world. It’s the choices I make every day. It’s the habits I practice every day. It’s the direction of my life. And so happiness is a direction, feels right to me, because underneath all of that I am able to feel a lot of different feelings. Determination to me is happiness. Belief in myself is happiness.

Letting myself feel, welcoming all the negative feelings that come with being a human on the planet is happiness to me, not resisting them is happiness to me. So I want you to see that you can actually think about things in a totally different way that might open up space for you to start taking action in your life where you have felt stuck all along. So maybe start thinking about happiness is a direction and then believing in yourself, the practice of belief in yourself.

Let’s just say that you believe in yourself 1% more every day, you practice believing in yourself, which means you’re showing up for yourself, which means you’re doing what you say you’re going to do. And you know how strong you are, you know how capable you are. That’s believing in yourself. You know you’re not going to let yourself down. That’s believing in yourself.

I had someone on Instagram say, “I am really struggling right now, but I know God won’t let me down.” Which I totally believe that because my faith in God is something extraordinary. And also I will never let me down. So of course, God, the creator of the universe, is incapable of ever letting us down. But the most important thing is that we don’t let ourselves down. We have been given agency as humans, as the ones created by the creator. We are co-creators of our own life here on Earth.

We have been given agency to make our own decisions, to make our own choices and it’s an abundant life that we have been given. We’ve been given access to every single thing that we need, we have everything that we need inside of us. This is my belief. So it is an undeniable belief in me. And so if I have access to everything then I’m going to act on that access. I’m going to take advantage of that access. I’m going to believe on purpose that this life is abundant and that I have everything that I’ll ever need. So I will never live in scarcity.

So I want to offer that to you, my friend, I want to pass that knowledge and that belief on to you. I want you to be aware of when you are not believing in yourself, when you are stuck in scarcity, that you don’t think that you are capable of getting what you want and showing up for yourself. That is all nonsense, you 100% have access. You have just as much as I have. And the only difference between you and I is I have worked on this belief in myself. So this is what you can do too.

I want you to start believing in yourself and just watch what happens. It is almost shocking how much I’ve changed this year alone in 2023 because I’ve gone all in on myself and I’ve leveraged myself and I’ve kept showing up for myself. And then it just creates more belief, more strength, more momentum in my life. So I’m like get on board or get out of the way, you guys, that’s how powerful I feel in my own life right now. And I know it just keeps growing and building and getting better.

And so I want you to start thinking like this. There is no downside. There is only an upside to believing in yourself. You will be an example of what’s possible like I am. You will be able to launch any business dream that you have or just grow your business that you already have. You will be able to heal all of your relationships because you’ve healed the most important relationship that we all have, the one with ourselves.

So take all that belief you have in the world, the belief you have in God, the belief you have in other people, in anything that you believe so much in, that you’re so sure about. I want you to take all of that belief energy and give it to yourself starting today and just watch what happens.

Alright, you’re welcome. Thanks so much for showing up today. I love you all. And I will talk to you next Thursday,

If you love this podcast, I invite you to come work with me. Go to kymshowerslifecoach.com, sign up for my next group and retreat, and let’s create your dream life together.