Ep 91. Be a Goldfish

I am Kym Showers, and this is Reinvented After 40, episode number 91: Be a Goldfish.

Hey, friends. Welcome to Reinvented After 40, a podcast for all you women in the second half of life who are ready to take responsibility for your own well-being and create a life you love living.

I’m your host, Kym Showers, and after spending the first 40 years of my life people-pleasing and following all the rules, I was exhausted and ready for a change. I reinvented myself. I stopped outsourcing my happiness. And I’ve been brave enough to live a different kind of life.

I’ll be here each week to help you do the same thing. It’s going to be fun. Let’s go.

Hey, everyone, welcome back to the show. So how are you today? Last night I watched the final episode of my very favorite show, Ted Lasso. It was so bitter sweet and not only did I watch it once, I watched it twice last night. That’s how obsessed I am with that show. And if you’ve never watched Ted Lasso, first of all, what is happening? Who are you? And are you living under a rock? There’s no possible way you haven’t watched Ted Lasso.

But if you haven’t ever watched Ted Lasso I’m kind of jealous of you because that means you have three whole seasons ahead of you to watch that will literally change your life. You will love that show so much, I am 100% sure of it. So if you have watched Ted Lasso then you know the meaning of the title of this 91st episode of mine, Be A Goldfish. Ted has said that so many times in the last three seasons or the complete three seasons of his show. I think I’ve talked to you about Ted several times in the last 91 episodes of this podcast because he has influenced me.

And I call him my life coach, I love him so much. When he says be a goldfish first, he says it to Sam, his player, Sam. When Sam had made a mistake on the field, and he was feeling bad about it, one of the team mates had taunted him a little bit. And so Ted as the coach, as the football coach, as the soccer coach, called Sam over and Sam is just an incredible human being as well as you know if you’re a Ted Lasso fan.

We love Obisanya, so he calls Sam over and he says, “Sam, be a goldfish.” And Sam doesn’t know what he’s talking about. But he says, “You know what the happiest animals on the planet are?” Sam says no. And Ted says, “Goldfish. You know why, Sam?” Sam says no. Because they have a 10 second memory, that’s why. Sam, be a goldfish, let this go, next play, let’s go.” And I think about that, you guys, all the time. And I want to tell you, be a goldfish. When we’re women in the second half of life, which we are, we’re women in the second half of life.

I am 62, you might be in your 40s, 50s, 60s, even 70s listening to this. We have a pretty good memory. We have habits of bringing, dragging, hauling a lot of junk with us in our mind, just dragging it along day after day, month after month, year after year of all of our past mistakes. Holding on to them, clinging on to hurts and grievances of what other people have done to us or said about us, or things that we have done to other people and we keep holding on to them. And it is so pointless. It is so useless. It keeps us so stuck.

And if we can just be goldfishes in this ocean of life we can let every single thing go that is in our mind, that is not serving us anymore. We stop talking about it. We stop thinking about it. We stop kind of fondling like we do like a little blanket. We stop giving it any airtime. We literally, you guys, let it go. And we pull all of our thoughts back to today and who I am today and what I want to think about today moving forward. If we learn how to do that, our entire lives open up and change for the better.

We can really literally become different women if we learn to forgive, not only ourselves but forgive everybody else in our past and just let all of it go and become goldfish. And think only on right now, our present moment and what we’re creating now and what we’re creating an hour from now, what’s on our schedule today, what we’re thinking about today. This is how I coach. This is what I teach. This is exactly what has changed my life so much.

I am a completely different person than I was 10 years ago, when I was such a people pleaser. And when I had so many people in my life who I was trying to keep happy, who I thought I owed something to. And being so motivated by different reasons, for my value. Thinking that I had to be something better than who I actually was. And even probably because I had all of these thoughts about myself that were not serving me. And you know what I did in the last 10 years and especially in the last six years since I found this mindset work? I literally stopped thinking about them, I did.

And I picked up all new thoughts about myself. I get to think whatever I want. You get to think whatever you want, be a goldfish, next play, let it go. All that matters is what I’m doing now and what I’m going to do next. I’m not thinking about my past anymore, I’m certainly not talking about it. I’m not worrying about what other people are thinking about me or saying about me from my past. It really doesn’t matter to me, it’s okay. A lot of my clients are just like, “Oh, but I know they’re thinking about me. This is what they want to just convince me of.”

And okay, let’s say they are thinking about you, and let’s say they are talking about you in maybe a judgmental way. Maybe they are criticizing you, okay, and what, so what? What are you making that mean? I’m just like, “Be a goldfish, next play, let them, it’s all okay. What are you thinking about you? What do you want to think about you? Who are you, moving forward? You get to decide that.” So I also like to think it’s okay if they’re thinking about me. It’s okay if they’re criticizing me. It’s okay if they’re judging me. It’s okay if they’re talking about me.

I really don’t have a problem with that, it’s all fine for me if they are. But I don’t think about that anymore because I’m so focused on what I’m thinking about today. I have become a goldfish. I have forgiven everybody in my past that I was kind of holding accountable for hurting me. Are you doing that, are you holding people in your past accountable for hurting you? It isn’t about them anymore. This is about you now. And if you’re holding people accountable for hurting you, for causing you pain, it is only hurting you and causing you pain today.

You’re dragging all of that with you and I’m telling you my friend, be a goldfish, once and for all let it go. Let them off the hook and let you off the hook and create a life you love living today. Open up space in your mind and in your body, create so much positive energy in you. You’re just expanding you when you let go of any grievances of your past, forgive yourself and forgive anybody who has hurt you.

I have forgiven all the people who have hurt me. And I’ve let them off the hook and I’ve let me off the hook and I just love them and that raised me to a new level of being, a new level of operating in my life. I can come across anybody now. I’m not afraid of seeing anybody because I have forgiven everybody and I love everybody dearly and completely. I am a goldfish. I have forgotten all of it because I don’t fondle it in my head anymore.

I’m not just playing around with those thoughts anymore like I can’t believe she did that or he did that or she said that or he said that, I will never forgive them. I don’t think that anymore. You might have the thought like she doesn’t deserve me to forgive her, he doesn’t deserve me to forgive him, okay, maybe they don’t but you do. You deserve you to forgive her and forgive him. You deserve you to forgive you, you deserve that. Your life ahead of you deserves that. The next 40/50 years deserves that.

The planet, all of the people on the planet, we deserve that, for you to be a goldfish, to let go, next play. Next thought, next feeling, let’s go, dig deep. You are so much stronger than you think you are, I promise you, you are. You have so much treasure hidden inside of you, you just haven’t tapped into it yet because you are not a goldfish yet. You’re still clinging to, I’m not good enough, I couldn’t ever possibly do that. Those are thoughts. Those are thoughts that are coming from unforgiveness like I’m not good enough, I failed.

You’re dragging so many failures with you as evidence to prove to you and your brain that you aren’t good enough, that you couldn’t possibly create a life you love living because look at all the times I’ve failed in the past and I let myself and all these people down. And I’ve tried all these different things and I’ve never ever been a success. That’s what I’m talking about. That’s when Ted Lasso will look you in the eye and Kym Showers will look you in the eye and say, “Be a goldfish, friend, let it go. It’s not that big of a deal.”

The only thing that matters is today and your future self. Do it for your future self, be a goldfish now, be a goldfish forever, next play, let it go. Now, what do you want to create right now? How do you want to feel right now? Dig deep. Motivate yourself. Open up to new thoughts and new inspirations. There’s so much possible for you. Get yourself out of the pit. Get yourself out of this little hole that you’re in. Pull yourself out, you’re so much stronger than you think you are. Live at a different level.

Put yourself in a room where women are doing the work. You can’t just lay on the couch and sit in the chair and whine and complain over and over and over about how your life is terrible and how you’re terrible. Then you will never make the changes you want, I promise you. But if you have a Ted Lasso in your life, if you have a coach in your life who pulls you aside and says who the happiest women on the planet are, they’re the ones who live their life like goldfish. They’re the ones who are willing to forgive themselves and forgive everybody else and just next play, let’s go.

Next thought, next feeling, next action, who do I want to be today? Let’s get to work creating that for me and for all the people that I have influence over. Let’s all lift each other up to the next level. That’s what I’m talking about, be a goldfish, my friends, you have it in you, let go, let it all go and focus your brain on new ways of thinking, new thoughts, new useful thoughts. Stop giving self-doubt and unforgiving thoughts or unforgiveness towards yourself and to others any more energy, let them go.

Focus on more useful thoughts like I’ve got this, today matters. I matter. I’m not thinking about my past anymore or any mistakes I’ve ever made. I was supposed to make all those mistakes. I’m human, I’m worthy of all the goodness, all the power, all the energy, all the possibility of today. I want to be happy. I am happy. And being happy is a feeling that’s created by thoughts, by thoughts that serve me and that are useful. I get to think whatever I want. So I want you to be a goldfish.

I want you to retrain your brain to let go, let go let go, forgive, forgive, forgive and move forward, onward and upward, next play my friends. Alright, that’s what I have for you today. If you need a coach, if you need a Ted Lasso type of coach who’s going to raise you to a new level, who’s not going to allow you to be mean to yourself and to sit around complaining about your life and yourself and all the people in your life who have created so much suffering for you. I will not allow you to be that woman ever again.

I will look you in the eye and say, “Be a goldfish. What can you think that’s going to be more useful? Let that go. Forgive her. Forgive him. Forgive yourself, let’s go, next play. Let’s get good at being happy women in the second half of life. I know how to do it. Hire me to be your life coach and change your life forever. And if you haven’t watched Ted Lasso, start today. If you have watched Ted Lasso start over today like I’m going to do. I’m going to watch all three seasons again because it makes me so happy.

I learned so many things about myself and about my life through him being him and him being the best coach who really doesn’t even know what he’s doing. But he’s just so good at being a goldfish. And he’s so good at seeing the best in everyone and everyone’s potential. And he raises everybody to their potential. That’s what a good coach does. That’s my genius, hire me to be your life coach and I’ll teach you how to be a goldfish. Okay, I love you so much, have the best week and I’ll see you next Thursday.

Thanks for listening to Reinvented After 40. If you want more information or resources from the podcast, please visit KymShowersLifeCoach.com.