Ep 27. A Strong Self-Concept

I am Kym Showers, and this is Reinvented After 40, episode number 27: A Strong Self-Concept.

Hey, friends. Welcome to Reinvented After 40, a podcast for all you women in the second half of life who are ready to take responsibility for your own wellbeing and create a life you love living.

I’m your host, Kym Showers, and after spending the first 40 years of my life people-pleasing and following all the rules, I was exhausted and ready for a change. I reinvented myself. I stopped outsourcing my happiness. And I’ve been brave enough to live a different kind of life.

I’ll be here each week to help you do the same thing. It’s gonna be fun. Let’s go.

Hello everyone, welcome back. I celebrated my 61st birthday last weekend with my family in Santa Inés, in case you haven’t hear already. We stayed at the most charming boutique hotel called Hotel Inés, and we ate at the yummiest places, highly recommend them all. Lunch at Industrial Eats in Buellton, it’s a famous little place. Dinner at S.Y. Kitchen, it’s like an old farmhouse Italian restaurant in downtown center Inés. It was absolutely delicious. We cruised around in a limo with all our favorite music, wine tasting in Los Olivos.

And then danced until midnight in the lobby of our hotel. Hopefully they invite us back. Well, obviously the most important thing you must know about me is that I have a very fun family. We know how to have a good time. And it is pure joy being 61. I have never loved my life more than I do right now right this minute. I’ve never had more confidence in myself or more confidence in my future. That’s what I want to talk to you about today, self-confidence, self-esteem, self- image.

These are all components of a strong self-concept. The amazing ability to know and trust in ourselves no matter our circumstances. The way that I think and feel about myself is everything. It’s the reason I have the life experience that I have. The way that you think and feel about yourself is the reason you have the life experience that you have. Our circumstances are filtered through this lens of our self-concept. If I have a strong, positive self-concept, I show up completely different to my life than if I don’t.

If I think I can handle anything, and if the universe is always working in my favor, and if I love and trust who I am, I will set big goals, and I will try new things, and create a life that I love living. But if I don’t think I’m smart, and I don’t think I’m beautiful, and I don’t think I’m resourceful, I’ll shrink back from life and I’ll hide and I’ll be afraid to try anything new. I’ll always be seeking outside validation. And I’ll be at the effect of other people’s opinions.

So, the secret to living a life you love is creating a strong self-concept, developing a positive self-image. Building your self-confidence and changing your story about yourself and your mind if it’s not serving you. You’ve got to see yourself in a different light. This is between you and you. This is the relationship you have with yourself, and this is the most important relationship you’ll ever have. It will be the reason you thrive or the reason that you don’t.

The good news is that if you are lacking self-confidence and if you don’t have a strong self-concept or a positive self-image, there are lots of ways to start working on it. It’s actually my specialty. It’s never too late. In fact, it’s the number one result my clients get when they work with me, they change their minds about themselves. They grow a strong self-concept, and high self-esteem, and have so much more confidence to live the exact life they want to live.

It’s a miracle for me to witness, but it’s never a surprise. It happens week by week right before my eyes. And since I found coaching, I literally feel like my self-confidence, and self-concept, and self-image grows stronger by the day. The more I do scary things, the more it grows. The more vulnerable I am, the stronger I get. The more willing I am to accept my weaknesses, and my flaws, and my failures, the more confident I become. It works the opposite of what we think it does.

Because it’s never been about being perfect. It’s never been about achievements, it’s never been about popularity, or how much money you have in the bank, or how successful you are. It’s not even about what other people think about you. It’s always and only about how much you trust yourself, how much you love yourself, and how much grace, and compassion, and kindness you offer yourself. How willing you are to do your best, and how willing you are to fail, and how willing you are to get right back up and try again.

It’s a daily practice that quietly and consistently pays off. I have a couple of examples for you today of ways you can strengthen your self-concept if you want to. First of all, you have to know what it is. What is your self-concept? Everyone has one whether they know it or not. How do you describe yourself? What’s your perspective and your opinion of you? Who are you in your own eyes? Do you feel comfortable thinking highly of yourself and holding yourself in the highest regard?

If you say positive things about yourself, do you feel like you’re bragging? Is it acceptable? Do you think you shouldn’t say positive things about yourself because other people will think you’re arrogant? How do you talk to yourself quietly and secretly in your head? Are you judgmental? Are you mean? Are you hard on yourself? Do you second guess and doubt yourself? I really want you to pay attention. I want you to know that your brain is talking to you all of the time. It’s important to understand that those thoughts about you have a huge impact on your self-concept.

You may still hear someone else’s critical voice in your head, maybe something a teacher or a parent said way back in your childhood, in your school days. And you’ve held onto that thought and defined yourself by it for all of these years, maybe even subconsciously. Or something maybe your husband says to you that makes you feel small and not seen, and you shrink back and hide. Or if you are in the habit of being hard on yourself, this is all important information for you to know so you can start showing yourself much more love, and kindness, and compassion on purpose.

This will be the beginning of building your strong, positive self-concept which will 100% change your entire life experience. It’s time to stop supporting the thoughts that don’t support you. I want you to practice saying positive things out loud to you in the mirror every single day until it gets comfortable. Compliment yourself often, brag about yourself. Notice all of your goodness. It’s so attractive when a women owns her worth. It’s quite powerful actually and up-levels all women around her.

I love when I compliment someone, and she simply says thank you. And owns the compliment, like she’s agreeing with me. That’s an example of a woman with a strong self-concept. She doesn’t think she’s better than anyone else, she just knows she’s as kind, and smart and beautiful as we all are. Second of all, the quickest way to a strong self-concept is to do exactly what you’re afraid to do. Put yourself in a room with people who are smarter than you, and learn everything you can.

Say yes to all the things you really, really want to do but you’re afraid you’ll fail, or you’re afraid your husband won’t understand. Or you’re afraid you’re in over your head, or whatever the excuse might be. The more you put yourself out there and go after your dream, the more your self-confidence grows, and the higher your self-esteem grows, and the more beautiful your self-image grows, and the stronger your self-concept grows. You embody your highest self. It’s the natural outcome of doing hard things. And showing up for yourself. And doing exactly what you say you’re going to do.

You become overhang you admire. You show up to your life knowing you can handle anything that comes, and also knowing that you are the creator of it all. The sky’s the limit. It’s exactly what I’ve been doing the last four years since I found coaching. I am a completely different woman with a transformed self-concept. I’m certain about who I am, where I’m headed, and it is a total blast. I can’t wait for the next challenge.

My client’s self-concepts are transforming too, and they are creating magical things for themselves, and it is just so fun to witness as their coach. Confidence women with a strong self-concept offer so much goodness and value to the world. The world needs us to show up and do the work we’re here to do. Especially those of us in the second half of life. This is our time, we now have the time, we have the experience, we have the wisdom, and the perspective, and the love. No one is better equipped than we are.

I have a unique way of thinking, and feeling, and living, and so do you. We have a unique opportunity to be an example of what’s possible after 40. We get to reinvent ourselves as we go. There are no rules, we get to make up the rules. We decide who we are, who we want to be and what our life is all about. We’re the boss. It’s always and only up to us. We have to show up and own our entire experience. It’s the most powerful and attractive way of being.

There’s never been a more important time to be a woman. Let’s be women who represent the love, the kindness, the authority, and the power the world needs. All that goodness is available to those of us who are willing to go get it. No more comparing ourselves to each other. No more putting ourselves down ever. Be focused, be determined to build a strong self-concept, which means confidence, and trust, and treating yourself with the upmost respect. Be an example of what’s possible. It’s everything you’ve ever wanted and more.

And if you’re ready to commit and need help making the changes, hire me to be your life coach, and we’ll get to work changing your self-concept and changing your life for good. So thanks my friends, thanks my beautiful, lovely, charming friends. Thanks for listening today. I love you. And I’ll see you next week.

Thanks for listening to Reinvented After 40. If you want more information or resources from the podcast, please visit KymShowersLifeCoach.com.