Are you tired of constantly putting others’ needs before your own? How often do you find yourself waiting for everyone else to return the favor and give you what you want? What if, as a woman in the second half of life, you decided to set a new standard by prioritizing your own desires?
For the first 50 years of my life, I was stuck in a cycle of people-pleasing, always contorting myself to make others happy at my own expense. But once I became aware of these codependent tendencies, I realized it was time for a change. “What’s in it for me?” is my new go-to question for everything I say yes to, and I invite you to try it on for yourself.
Join me this week to hear why “What’s in it for me?” is one of the most empowering questions you can ever ask yourself. Learn how shifting your mindset and prioritizing your own desires can transform your relationships and overall happiness. You’ll find out why this is the secret to getting everything you want out of life and how this practice can skyrocket your confidence when it comes to letting go of what doesn’t serve you.
If you love the podcast, I invite you to come work with me. My next small group coaching program starts Tuesday, September 10th 2024 and you can click here to join!
WHAT YOU’LL DISCOVER IN THIS EPISODE:
- Why asking “What’s in it for me?” is a game-changer for your relationships and happiness.
- How to recognize if you’re stuck in a cycle of people-pleasing and codependency.
- The importance of self-love, self-validation, and having your own back.
- Why no one else will prioritize your needs and desires if you don’t.
- The power of being your own “yes girl” and showing up for yourself first.
LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODE:
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FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:
I’m Kym Showers and this is Reinvented After 40, episode number 155, What’s In It For Me?
Welcome to the Reinvented After 40 podcast. I am your host, Kym Showers, and I’m a certified life coach for women in the second half of life. Each week I’ll bring you direct advice and inspiring, practical wisdom to help you live your very best life and create a future you’re absolutely obsessed with. It’s going to be fun, let’s get started.
Hey, my friends in the podcast land, how are you today? I’m so happy you showed up and are giving this episode a listen. Wow, I have come a very long way as far as my self-love, self-worth, self-value, self-confidence, self-concept. I was having a conversation with my husband last weekend, and for the first time in my entire life in the middle of the conversation, I had the thought, what’s in it for me if I say yes? Can you believe that?
And I said it out loud to him. I go, “Well, if I say yes to this, if we’re going to do this, what’s in it for me? Why would I even want to do this? How does this benefit me? I understand how it benefits you, but why would I do this?” Okay, you guys, this is mind blowing stuff. That’s why I named this podcast episode, the most powerful question I’ve ever said out loud, what’s in it for me? I want you to start practicing it. I am not even kidding you. Here’s why.
I spent the first 50 years of my life kind of not even recognizing, not being awake and aware to the fact that I related to people in such a people pleasing cycle, it was always at my own expense, always. People pleasing is just you contorting yourself, your wants, wishes and desires to make sure that other people are happy and pleased with you so you don’t have to feel unloved or unwelcomed or uncomfortable or that you are not fitting in. You are not being invited, people think highly of you, people talk nicely about you.
And so, you do everything at your own expense and you do not ever even think to ask yourself why you’re doing it. And when you become awake and aware to the fact that you’re in a bunch of relationships that aren’t serving you, you’re doing a bunch of stuff that is just exhausting you, you’re not enjoying your own life. You have to stop and be awake and aware to the fact that you’re probably in a bunch of co-dependent relationships and you’re very much drenched in people pleasing behaviors and a people pleasing thought process.
And it wouldn’t even occur to you to go, “Well, what’s in it for me if I say yes to this?” You’re just so focused on this cycle of people pleasing, wanting to have outside validation. And I’m telling you, the work that I do on a daily basis and the work I’ve been coaching and teaching my clients to do is exactly this. And I had no idea the back end effects when I started this work eight years ago, who I would actually become and here I am. My love, my self-love, my self-validation, the way that I think and feel about myself on a daily basis, the way that I interact with people.
How I so willingly and freely and pretty easily let relationships go without even a second glance back because I am so confident and in love with myself and with my life. It was a little uncomfortable, I have to tell you, when I was talking to Jeff on the weekend. It was just this pause after I said, “What’s in it for me?” There was a pause in the air and a little discomfort in my body as you can imagine, because I’ve never said that to him before. He makes decisions, I go along with him. That’s basically been our relationship for the last 40 years. He makes all the big money.
He makes all the big money, so he makes the decisions and I’m the supportive wife. I trust him and I’m the supportive wife. But this latest decision I was like, “Well, I don’t know, what’s in it for me?” And then after, kind of hung in the air and I go, “How does it benefit me? Why would I say yes to this? I feel like I’m giving up something that I don’t really want to give up to do this.” And he was like, “Well, you can have whatever you want. What do you want?” Which was a really good answer on his end. And then he tossed the ball back in my court.
And I was like, “Oh, okay, let me decide what I want.” How would this benefit me? Let me figure out how I could be super happy with this decision and how it would be an amazing abundant delivery to me and my life. So, I am just offering you this question, this powerful, empowered way of thinking that you probably have never been brave enough to dive into before if you’re like me. If you are a little bit hesitant and you’re a little bit afraid of offending people or sounding selfish, we don’t want to sound selfish.
But I think what I’m telling us is, we need to sound selfish. We need to be the boss when it comes to our life. We need to look at what we’re needing, what we’re wanting, what we’re wishing for, what we’re desiring. And realize that no one’s going to deliver that to us unless we insist on it, and unless we decide to make that happen for us. By making sure we get what we want and what we wish for and what we desire because this is why we’re here on planet Earth.
And when we’re waiting for someone else to deliver it to us, that just means we are going to manipulate the relationship in this situation without directly going in with, “No, I don’t want to do it because of this. This isn’t benefiting me at all. I’m giving up way too much for this. I can see how it’s benefiting you, but unless it’s going to benefit me, I am unwilling to do it.” I mean, let that just sit in, what if we just all decided as women in the second half of life, that’s our new standard. That’s the new way we think and feel about ourselves. That’s the way we show up to our own life.
We are our manager. We are the one that we’ve been waiting for. We are the boss. I am my hype girl. I do have my own back. I make sure I get what I want. I trust myself the most because of it. I do what I say I’m going to do and I love my life and that is why. So, make sure that you are getting exactly what you deserve, exactly what you want out of life. We have no time to waste. We’re not in a hurry, but why not just decide today. What’s in it for me is my new go to question for everything I say yes to.
When you’re just the yes girl and you’re everybody else’s support system and you’re waiting on them to somehow return the favor, we’ve got to stop all of that. You be your own yes girl, you do it for you. You support you and your decisions. Don’t wait for someone else because they’re not thinking about you at all, 100% guarantee that, my friend, no one’s thinking about you. So, if you’re not thinking about you, no one’s thinking about you. If you’re not seeing you, no one is going to see you. If you’re not showing up for you, no one’s going to show up for you.
What’s in it for you, my friend? Make sure that you know what it is and make sure you get it. If you want to change your life and if you are serious about changing your life and being willing to be uncomfortable with this new way of seeing yourself, loving yourself, thinking about yourself, I want you to come work with me. Come get in my September 10th group. You will be so glad you did. It’s right around the corner. We will meet every Tuesday for the rest of the year at noon California time for one hour. You will get the coaching replays.
It’s a small group right now, I think there’s five amazing women in this group right now, you would be the sixth one. It’s intimate. It’s life changing. I coach you every single week. You get exactly what you are willing to work for. When you get clear, when you get committed, and when you get consistent in your own life for your own sake, you start changing and creating everything you’ve ever dreamt of. I’m an example of that. Come work with me on September 10th, go to my website, kymshowerslifecoach.com, sign up for the group and you will hear from me right away.
Alright, my friend, I love you. Happy episode number 155. I think it’s my favorite one so far, what’s in it for me? Make sure you know the answer to that question. See you next Thursday.
If you love this podcast, I invite you to come work with me. Go to kymshowerslifecoach.com, sign up for my next group and retreat, and let’s create your dream life together.
Welcome to the Reinvented After 40 podcast. I am your host, Kym Showers, and I’m a certified life coach for women in the second half of life. Each week I’ll bring you direct advice and inspiring, practical wisdom to help you live your very best life and create a future you’re absolutely obsessed with. It’s going to be fun, let’s get started.
Hey, my friends in the podcast land, how are you today? I’m so happy you showed up and are giving this episode a listen. Wow, I have come a very long way as far as my self-love, self-worth, self-value, self-confidence, self-concept. I was having a conversation with my husband last weekend, and for the first time in my entire life in the middle of the conversation, I had the thought, what’s in it for me if I say yes? Can you believe that?
And I said it out loud to him. I go, “Well, if I say yes to this, if we’re going to do this, what’s in it for me? Why would I even want to do this? How does this benefit me? I understand how it benefits you, but why would I do this?” Okay, you guys, this is mind blowing stuff. That’s why I named this podcast episode, the most powerful question I’ve ever said out loud, what’s in it for me? I want you to start practicing it. I am not even kidding you. Here’s why.
I spent the first 50 years of my life kind of not even recognizing, not being awake and aware to the fact that I related to people in such a people pleasing cycle, it was always at my own expense, always. People pleasing is just you contorting yourself, your wants, wishes and desires to make sure that other people are happy and pleased with you so you don’t have to feel unloved or unwelcomed or uncomfortable or that you are not fitting in. You are not being invited, people think highly of you, people talk nicely about you.
And so, you do everything at your own expense and you do not ever even think to ask yourself why you’re doing it. And when you become awake and aware to the fact that you’re in a bunch of relationships that aren’t serving you, you’re doing a bunch of stuff that is just exhausting you, you’re not enjoying your own life. You have to stop and be awake and aware to the fact that you’re probably in a bunch of co-dependent relationships and you’re very much drenched in people pleasing behaviors and a people pleasing thought process.
And it wouldn’t even occur to you to go, “Well, what’s in it for me if I say yes to this?” You’re just so focused on this cycle of people pleasing, wanting to have outside validation. And I’m telling you, the work that I do on a daily basis and the work I’ve been coaching and teaching my clients to do is exactly this. And I had no idea the back end effects when I started this work eight years ago, who I would actually become and here I am. My love, my self-love, my self-validation, the way that I think and feel about myself on a daily basis, the way that I interact with people.
How I so willingly and freely and pretty easily let relationships go without even a second glance back because I am so confident and in love with myself and with my life. It was a little uncomfortable, I have to tell you, when I was talking to Jeff on the weekend. It was just this pause after I said, “What’s in it for me?” There was a pause in the air and a little discomfort in my body as you can imagine, because I’ve never said that to him before. He makes decisions, I go along with him. That’s basically been our relationship for the last 40 years. He makes all the big money.
He makes all the big money, so he makes the decisions and I’m the supportive wife. I trust him and I’m the supportive wife. But this latest decision I was like, “Well, I don’t know, what’s in it for me?” And then after, kind of hung in the air and I go, “How does it benefit me? Why would I say yes to this? I feel like I’m giving up something that I don’t really want to give up to do this.” And he was like, “Well, you can have whatever you want. What do you want?” Which was a really good answer on his end. And then he tossed the ball back in my court.
And I was like, “Oh, okay, let me decide what I want.” How would this benefit me? Let me figure out how I could be super happy with this decision and how it would be an amazing abundant delivery to me and my life. So, I am just offering you this question, this powerful, empowered way of thinking that you probably have never been brave enough to dive into before if you’re like me. If you are a little bit hesitant and you’re a little bit afraid of offending people or sounding selfish, we don’t want to sound selfish.
But I think what I’m telling us is, we need to sound selfish. We need to be the boss when it comes to our life. We need to look at what we’re needing, what we’re wanting, what we’re wishing for, what we’re desiring. And realize that no one’s going to deliver that to us unless we insist on it, and unless we decide to make that happen for us. By making sure we get what we want and what we wish for and what we desire because this is why we’re here on planet Earth.
And when we’re waiting for someone else to deliver it to us, that just means we are going to manipulate the relationship in this situation without directly going in with, “No, I don’t want to do it because of this. This isn’t benefiting me at all. I’m giving up way too much for this. I can see how it’s benefiting you, but unless it’s going to benefit me, I am unwilling to do it.” I mean, let that just sit in, what if we just all decided as women in the second half of life, that’s our new standard. That’s the new way we think and feel about ourselves. That’s the way we show up to our own life.
We are our manager. We are the one that we’ve been waiting for. We are the boss. I am my hype girl. I do have my own back. I make sure I get what I want. I trust myself the most because of it. I do what I say I’m going to do and I love my life and that is why. So, make sure that you are getting exactly what you deserve, exactly what you want out of life. We have no time to waste. We’re not in a hurry, but why not just decide today. What’s in it for me is my new go to question for everything I say yes to.
When you’re just the yes girl and you’re everybody else’s support system and you’re waiting on them to somehow return the favor, we’ve got to stop all of that. You be your own yes girl, you do it for you. You support you and your decisions. Don’t wait for someone else because they’re not thinking about you at all, 100% guarantee that, my friend, no one’s thinking about you. So, if you’re not thinking about you, no one’s thinking about you. If you’re not seeing you, no one is going to see you. If you’re not showing up for you, no one’s going to show up for you.
What’s in it for you, my friend? Make sure that you know what it is and make sure you get it. If you want to change your life and if you are serious about changing your life and being willing to be uncomfortable with this new way of seeing yourself, loving yourself, thinking about yourself, I want you to come work with me. Come get in my September 10th group. You will be so glad you did. It’s right around the corner. We will meet every Tuesday for the rest of the year at noon California time for one hour. You will get the coaching replays.
It’s a small group right now, I think there’s five amazing women in this group right now, you would be the sixth one. It’s intimate. It’s life changing. I coach you every single week. You get exactly what you are willing to work for. When you get clear, when you get committed, and when you get consistent in your own life for your own sake, you start changing and creating everything you’ve ever dreamt of. I’m an example of that. Come work with me on September 10th, go to my website, kymshowerslifecoach.com, sign up for the group and you will hear from me right away.
Alright, my friend, I love you. Happy episode number 155. I think it’s my favorite one so far, what’s in it for me? Make sure you know the answer to that question. See you next Thursday.
If you love this podcast, I invite you to come work with me. Go to kymshowerslifecoach.com, sign up for my next group and retreat, and let’s create your dream life together.
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