Ep 152. So What, Who Cares?

I’m Kym Showers and this is Reinvented After 40, episode number 152, So What, Who Cares?

Welcome to the Reinvented After 40 podcast. I am your host, Kym Showers, and I’m a certified life coach for women in the second half of life. Each week I’ll bring you direct advice and inspiring, practical wisdom to help you live your very best life and create a future you’re absolutely obsessed with. It’s going to be fun, let’s get started.

Hi, my friends in the podcast land, how are you today? I am so fabulous, first of all, because on my Instagram feed is non-stop what’s going on in Paris at the Olympics and it is so inspiring to me. And also, the other half of my feed is Taylor Swift. So, there you have it. That’s how I keep inspired every single day. I just surround myself with good inspirational information. So let me encourage you to do the same thing.

If you watch the news, if you gossip, if you are all wrapped up in the politics of the world I would highly encourage you to stop doing all of that. Just disconnect from all kinds of drama that has just been, maybe subtly playing a role in your brain, in your life. And you think that it’s irresponsible to not take it all in. You think that being a responsible adult means that you need to be aware of everything that’s going on. And I’m telling you, it’s a responsible adult to have really good boundaries so that you don’t have to manage your mind so much about everyone else’s drama.

Get out of everyone else’s drama, including politics, including, especially with family members that gossip a lot and want to tell you about other family members, with friends who gossip a lot and want to tell you about other friends and their business. Get out of everyone else’s business. And this is what I told a client today. She’s upset about some information she got third party about her job. And I just said, “You know what? Go directly to the person who actually has the facts and just bypass all the hearsay, bypass everybody else’s interpretation of the facts.”

And that’s truly the most helpful way to live and the most helpful way that I coach is to stick to the facts. I just stick to the facts. I want you to start sticking to the facts. And I’ll always ask my client, “Okay, what are the facts here? Let’s look at the facts.” Now, how do you want to think about the facts? Because otherwise your brain is going to go on with all kinds of dramatic catastrophizing stories because that’s what my brain loves to do, your brain loves to do. And when we’re onto our brain, you guys, we literally can just go, “So what, who cares?”

Whatever the brain is offering us that feels dramatic and catastrophizing and this is a big, huge problem. Okay, but really, so what, who cares? And then I get to move on. So, the reason I titled this, So What, Who Cares, because that was the best coaching I got this week from my business coach. And I can’t even tell you what a profound shift that happened in my brain and in my entire body. I felt so relieved.

She was coaching me on and I’ve already shared this with you, I even hesitate to even talk about it again because it’s just not even a problem. But I want you to know how often we go past focused and we’re trying to figure things out. So that’s what I had been doing with this problem in my business. My main thought, my coach pointed out to me this last week was, my main thought was, I don’t know what happened. And she goes, “Do we have to know what happened or why it happened or how it happened? Do we have to know any of that?”

And I go, “Well, I guess not.” And she goes, “Okay then we don’t even have to know, so what, who cares how it happened? So, what, who cares why it happened? We don’t even have to know that. Why don’t we just stop thinking about it and let’s move on? All that matters right now is today and tomorrow and next week and in the future.” So, this is what I’m passing on to you, this is so important, you guys. And this is how I’ve been coaching since then.

So much of our drama is just so completely optional and doesn’t really even matter. And yet we think we have to be responsible adults at all times and being responsible adults means that we have to make sense of things. Decide, if I made a mistake, why did I make that mistake? How did I make that mistake? And how can I keep from making that mistake again? And sometimes we can’t get an answer there. We don’t even have to know why. And literally the most responsible thing that I can think of is, so what, who cares, and get future focused again and get out of the past.

And my coach helped me to see that I was in the past. And I don’t ever want to be in the past. I don’t ever want to be past focused or spend any of my present brain energy on any stories of the past, trying to figure anything out. And I want to pass that on to you. I want you to know you do this often. I want you to be aware of it. I want you to see how much time and energy your brain spends in the past trying to make sense of things, trying to tell a story about things, trying to make someone else wrong or make yourself wrong.

And let me tell you today, so what, who cares? We don’t have to know any of that. It’s so useless. It’s not useful for us at all. We’ve got to get back to the present moment. What do I want to create today? What can I create today and what is my future goal that I can get busy creating today and for tomorrow and for next week and for next year and for the next 10 years?

I’ve been thinking about the Olympics too, and there’s no way that these phenomenal women athletes can be competing at this level if they’ve been dragging a bunch of past focused nonsense with them. I guarantee you their mindset is, so what, who cares, let’s move on, next play.

And this is the example I gave too, my cousins and I were talking about mindsets of golfers and they’re just like, “Next play.” They have to look at all their putts, all their drives, everything as the same, whether it was good or whether it was not so good. It doesn’t matter, so what, who cares? Move on to the next play, the next putt, the next drive. And you know, that’s how the Olympic athletes, they’re in it for the long haul and it’s all mindset. I mean, of course it’s skill, but once you’ve got the skill down, you have to have the mindset.

You can’t be dragging a bunch of regrets with you into Paris, into the Olympics. You’ve got to be so present, so focused on what you’re there to create. And I was reading about this, I think she was a gymnast, but I think she tore her ACL recently. And so, it put her out of the competition for this year’s Olympics, which, by the way, she has been working towards for the last four years. She said something like, “I am refocused on to the next Olympics.” Which I guess are going to be in LA. Did I read that right? Are we hosting the next Olympics in four years? Is it in LA? I’ll have to look that up, but I think it is, that’s what I read.

And then also along with that, you guys, we’re never too old for the Olympics. We’re never too old for anything because do you know that there’s a 69 year old woman competing in equestrian? I think you call it dressage. She’s 69 years old. She is four months shy of her 70th birthday and she is in Paris right now in the Olympics. I think she’s, I don’t know if they call it a backup, but she’s a backup in case someone gets hurt. But you guys, she’s at that level and she’s competed several times before in the Olympics and she’s 69 years old and is ready to compete in the Olympics.

And there’s also a table tennis, a ping pong champion woman who’s competing right now in the Olympics and just putting everyone else to shame and she’s 61 years old, my friends. So, whenever your brain’s like, I’m too old for that, I’m too old for that, I’m too old for that. We’re like, “Heck no.” Remind your brain and I’m reminding you, I’m going to be your brain right now. I am reminding you right now, my friend, there is a 61 year old woman in Paris right now competing at the Olympics at a very high level, and she could actually win the gold. She’s 61 years old. She never gave up.

She’s not dragging a bunch of nonsense with her. She’s probably in the habit of saying, “So what, who cares? Next, play.” So that’s my new favorite thought. I am passing that on to you. It feels so powerful to me. My whole body just lightens up and loosens up when I feel myself getting kind of knotted up about something or my brain’s kind of going down a rabbit hole, I’m like, “Oh, wait a minute. That’s right.” I don’t have to think about that ever again. So, what, who cares that that happened?”

I am starting something new today. I’m doing something better today. That is not even relevant to me today. So, it’s responsible. It doesn’t feel responsible to say it or think it, but I promise you, sometimes it’s the most responsible life giving powerful thought to think, so what, who cares. When we’re trying to make ourselves wrong, or trying to feel bad about the past, so what, who cares, irrelevant, next play. Move on.

Along with the oldest women in the Olympics, so in 1904, I read this morning, a 63 year old woman in 1904, she won the gold medal for archery and she was 63 years old. Come on. So, I don’t know, I might take up something that maybe I can get Olympic worthy at. That’s the way that I like to think. I like to see what opportunities are available to me. I like to see what other badass women are doing so that it’ll give me ideas on what I can do. So, I don’t ever want to feel stuck, definitely not in the past. So, what, who cares about the past, the entire past, so what, who cares? Move on.

And then also, I wanted to add, all of our circumstances are neutral all the time. So, we get to decide when you’re a powerful woman in your own life and you’re the boss of your own life, you’ve got to get out of everyone else’s drama, out of everyone else’s business. Make sure you get what you want. Circumstances are neutral. Stop taking care of everyone else. Everyone else can take care of themselves.

I want you to start seeing your family, your friends as their highest, most capable selves. And then notice how often you are feeling bad for them and so you put yourself on the back burner and go and do something for them just to relieve the feeling of feeling bad. So, I want you to know this is not a healthy way to be. I want you to be the boss of your life by letting everyone else be the boss of their life. And you start doing the things in your life that you want to do and stop waiting and hesitating and feeling bad for other people. No, be the example, you go first.

So, this is how you create a life that you are absolutely obsessed with every single day. You get up, you have the plan already in place and then you get to work creating it. And so, what, who cares about yesterday or a week ago, or a year ago or anything that went wrong or happened or people mad at you? So, what, who cares? Today is what I have and today I’m going to make magical and powerful and be super productive.

So be present focused and future focused and notice when your brain is past focused and how un-useful that is. So, I love this way of thinking. I am helping my clients literally retrain their brain to get them out of past focus, out of feeling bad, out of putting themselves last, out of codependent relationships, out of people pleasing. And becoming for once in their entire lives, the boss of their own life, making really good decisions, powerful decisions, even at the risk of making other people uncomfortable.

I say make all the people uncomfortable. People can handle their own feelings. I am not responsible for anyone else’s feelings. And if what I’m doing is making anyone feel uncomfortable, that is literally not on me. That is the way that they are choosing to feel. Because I am just a neutral circumstance in your life and other people’s lives and the way that you think and feel about me is your choice. I am totally neutral. You might love me. You might hate me and it has nothing to do with me. Do you see that?

So that’s why I say, so what, who cares what they’re thinking. Literally doesn’t matter because everyone’s going to think whatever they want to think. And so, I’m going to be about living my bright, bold, beautiful, powerful life. And so, what, who cares is a very helpful, useful thought in moving forward, because we can just let go, let go, let go. And that’s half the work of the second half of life, my friend, is the practice of letting go. So, start practicing also letting go, using the thought, so what, who cares like I am.

Oh my gosh, it feels amazing to say it out loud and it feels freeing and it feels almost like, what’s it called when you’re a rebel? And those of us who are good girls and people pleasers and all of that, everything brave right now feels a little bit rebel-ish. And I’m just all in on that. Let’s just all be rebels together.

So okay, my friend, I’m so happy you showed up today. Practice that new thought, so what, who cares. Follow along on my Instagram, if you are not, sign up and get in my next group. I have a really, really amazing group starting September 10th. It will be Tuesdays at noon. And there’s already four amazing women in it. Oh, my gosh, you will be the fifth and you will love these women so much. So, you’ll just change your life.

You’ll feel so much better about everything, especially about yourself and especially about your relationships and building whatever it is you want to build for your future. If it’s a dream that you want me to help you make come true, I’m all in on that. I’m so good at that. If it has to do with starting a business, I would love to help you start your dream business. If it has to do with you getting your body in shape, I would love to help you get your body in shape. Get yourself organized. Help you feel better about your marriage. Help you feel better about your grown kids.

This is all my genius and I can coach you to a place that you’re going to feel so much better about yourself, your life, your relationships, and your dreams. Let’s just go make all your dreams come true. I love you. And have the best week, and I will talk to you next Thursday.

If you love this podcast, I invite you to come work with me. Go to kymshowerslifecoach.com, sign up for my next group and retreat, and let’s create your dream life together.