Ep 129. Keep Going, Don’t Quit

I am Kym Showers and this is Reinvented After 40, episode number 129, Keep Going, Don’t Quit.

Welcome to the Reinvented After 40 podcast. I am your host, Kym Showers, and I’m a certified life coach for women in the second half of life. Each week I’ll bring you direct advice and inspiring, practical wisdom to help you live your very best life and create a future you’re absolutely obsessed with. It’s going to be fun, let’s get started.

Hello, my friends out in the podcast land. Happy Leap day. This comes out on February 29th, our bonus day of the year. I love to call it that. I love to think about it like that. We have 24 hours free given to us extra. I love it. And I love that this episode comes out on our bonus day, February 29th, episode 129 in 2024. Welcome to my show, Reinvented After 40. Next week is my 63rd birthday. I started the show when I was 60 years old. I started my business when I was 57 years old.

And my husband did my taxes for me last weekend and he came out and he goes, “Listen, in 2023, let’s see, you gained”, I don’t know what the words were he used but, “You up-leveled 50% you brought in 50% more business than you did in 2022.” And he goes, “I don’t know anybody else who did that in 2023.” So I was like, “Yay, me, girlfriend. I am on it.” I believe in myself so hard every single day. And I want you to know it’s because I keep going and I never quit on myself ever. I haven’t quit on myself one time since I started this business seven years ago.

I just keep going even when things don’t turn out the way that I think they should have or hoped that they would have, even when I feel discouraged and my brain is just giving me all the evidence to prove that this isn’t working. I’m telling you it’s always working and I will never quit on myself. And that has been my commitment and I want it to be your commitment moving forward, never quit on yourself. You keep going.

And my favorite thought is just take a nap and eat a sandwich and then get right back at it, my friend. I’m always doing new things and always doing hard things. I run towards the hard because it has been my decision that that is the way. So successful people become successful because they run towards the hard. They don’t quit when things get hard. They double down when things get hard. And I want to tell you, that’s my way. That’s the way I have just decided to be in the last seven years.

And every year I add 50% more on to my business. And that’s what I decided to do and that’s what I keep doing. And I just readjust my thinking. And let me tell you, if you are in confusion regularly, let’s just call it in confusion if you are a woman in the second of life who struggles with self-doubt regularly. If you are a woman in the second half of life who struggles with indecision regularly, you find it so hard to make a decision and move forward.

If you are a woman in the second half of life who struggles with overwhelm regularly, let me tell you, let me give you the answer to this. This is just your lower brain on repeat and you believing it on repeat for the last 40 years, for the last 50 years, for the last 60 years. You have to become a woman who becomes aware, does the work and becomes aware that this is just noise and chatter in your scared little lower brain that you have believed, that you no longer have to believe. And you no longer have to pay attention to.

Your highest self, your best self, your smartest self, your prefrontal cortex, the higher part of your brain, you start tapping into that and you overcome that lower brain’s chatter and you no longer believe it. And you be willing to make the hard decision. You be willing to take the risk. You be willing to do it wrong and be afraid. None of that even matters. That’s what’s required to become a successful, confident woman in the second half of life. And I know that because I have literally transformed the way that I show up to my life.

I have transformed my relationship with myself in the last seven years because I have become aware of the way that my brain is working and the way that it’s always worked and how I’ve always believed it and how that has not served me at all. So I want you to know the best thought that I can offer you today is to never quit and to keep going. Do not quit, because if you quit, you’re quitting on yourself. You’re quitting on your highest self, your future self, your most successful self.

So I have created so much in the last seven years because I’ve learned how to be different, to think different, to feel different on purpose. I know how to generate very useful thoughts and feelings for me every single day so that I show up and I’m super productive. So I know how to feel motivated. I feel motivated every morning on purpose. I don’t wake-up motivated. I want to be clear about this. I know how to think and feel on purpose, every morning to feel motivated because that’s how I want to feel. I want to feel inspired. I want to feel encouraged.

Those are my three top feelings that I know how to feel. And I think thoughts on purpose like this is your bonus day. You have 24 free hours to create whatever you want. What is it? What sounds like the most fun to you? And then I get super clear about it. Let’s sit down and do a podcast. Let’s go pick out our new carpet. I’m going to tell you a little story about why I’m picking out new carpet. Let’s go to Whole Foods and get our stuff for our greens for the next few days.

First of all, I went to Orangetheory this morning at 5:00am. And when my brain went into Orangetheory, I was motivated, encouraged and inspired because I got up at 3:30. I was up for an hour and a half beforehand. I got my cappuccino. I turned my party lights on in my backyard because it’s pitch dark and I sit down and I post my post on Instagram. And all my juices start coming and all my excitement and encouragement, motivation and inspiration for the day start coming. So I know how to get myself to the place pretty quickly that I want to be in.

And then my hour in Orangetheory fitness, you guys, is really this very power filled hour. I lay it all out. I push myself and push myself. I make sure that I’m working out next to the strongest woman in the room if it’s not me already, to the second most strongest woman in the room. Or if it’s a woman that I think is stronger than me, I make sure that I work out next to her and then I let her be the pacer. Or I just am determined to be the pacer, depending. So I just know how to show up and be who I want to be and I never quit on myself.

I never let my brain, any self-doubt that comes up is just little white noise that’s in the background. I override all of that. I just double down. Oh, heck no, I’m going all in today. This is going to be my power day. And then tomorrow I’ll get up and do the exact same thing and even maybe push myself a little harder. And you know what all of that does? It just makes me the boss of my life. And you know what that feels like? That feels like a life that I am obsessed with.

No one, not even my lower brain is the boss of my life, but me, my highest self, is driving my life, is piloting the plane, is the engineer of this train that I am directing. So this is me and I am in charge of it. And I’m in charge of me. I’m in charge of the way I show up every day. You guys, this is another thing that has been on my mind this week. I’ve coached so much this week, very powerful coaching sessions. Everybody’s feeling it right now.

Everybody’s wanting more and feeling overwhelmed by all of their wanting and wanting to believe their lower brain, wanting to believe their self-doubt. Wanting to believe their brain when their brain says, “You don’t have enough time. You don’t have enough energy. You don’t have enough money. You’re not smart enough. You’re not good enough. No one’s going to like it.” All of that is chatter and nonsense and not true. We are the creators of our time. We have plenty of it. We have all we’ll ever need.

We just have to learn to use it the way that we decide to use it and be the most productive we can be. And stop exhausting ourselves with listening to chatter in our brain, the self-doubt, the overwhelm, the indecision. We have to know whatever decision we make, we decide it. We never look back. We don’t second guess it. We don’t believe the little chatter in our brain that says maybe it’s the wrong decision. Heck no. If my decision is made it is absolutely the right decision and then I keep moving forward.

And it’s not a problem for me if someone’s mad at me. It’s not a problem for me if someone’s disappointed. It’s not a problem for me if someone doesn’t agree with me or isn’t supportive of me or not on board with me, none of that’s a problem for me. That’s just all wasted chatter in my brain because most of the time, no one’s even thinking about me. And I really want you to know this, my friend. No one’s thinking about you. No one really cares really what you’re doing, you just think they do. And that’s what’s keeping you stuck.

That’s your number one problem, if you can let all of that go like I have. When I realized I’m not that big of a deal in other people’s lives and once I realized that they can be disappointed, they can figure that out. I can see them in their most powerful light, as their highest self, in their most power, as far as they get to decide how they want to feel. And I am not even influential in that. I’m just 100% influential in my own life, and that no one outside of me can absolutely make me feel anything I don’t want to feel. Do you see how powerful that is for both of you?

You see them as their highest self and you see you as your highest self. Then you can interact that way. You’re not manipulating each other. This is so important. So you get to create all of your time, all of your energy, all of the love that you want to create, all of the validation that you want to create, all of the support you want to create. This is all coming from inside of you. This is not something that we’re needing from outside of us. I’m creating all of it for me and that just creates this double down energy in my own life. And I want you to be able to pick up on that in your own life as well.

I want you to create the skills in your life where you create the motivation and inspiration and encouragement for yourself every day. And you do not give the chatter of your brain, the self-doubt, the stuck feeling, the confusion, the indecision, the overwhelm. You do not give that any energy, you just be the watcher of it. Pull yourself out of it just like an out of body experience and watch the chatter in your brain and just go, “Oh, I see what I’m doing. I’m giving that energy. I’m leaking energy to all of that chatter, all of that noise.”

Now, what do I have planned? What do I want? What do I need to do next? Let’s go. That’s it. That’s how I live. Let’s go. What’s the next thing? Why am I hesitating? I’m hesitating because I don’t think I can make a wrong decision. That’s a lie. I can’t make a wrong decision. Every decision I make is going to be great. I’m going to make it great. I’m going to make sure it’s the right decision. Am I hesitating? Am I in indecision? And do I feel overwhelmed because I think other people might be disappointed, other people want me to do something that I don’t want to do, so I’m stuck?

I want you to notice, that’s chatter in your brain. And when you’re willing to disappoint other people, you set yourself free. You get to move forward and run towards the hard things that you really want the most. This is motivating. This is inspiring. This is so encouraging. And this is what it looks like to keep going and never quit on yourself. Never, ever, ever quit on yourself. You get right to the cusp of the edge of taking the big leap, and then you go backwards. Then you decide not to do it because you let your brain talk you out of it.

And I’m telling you, take the big leap, take the big chance, take the big risk for your future self’s sake. Set her up right now. Do the hard, scary thing like I do every single day. You’ve been given all the time in the world to create exactly why you’re here, especially in the second half of life. Never believe your brain when your brain says, “We don’t have enough time. We’re running out of time. We’re too rushed.” Whatever the excuses are that your brain is offering you about time that you have believed. I want you right now to notice those thoughts and stop attaching to them and never let those thoughts talk you out of what you want.

Believe me when I tell you, you have all the time that you need to create exactly what you want to create. 100% it’s true and know for sure that you are actually the one creating your time. And if you’re listening to the self-doubt, to the overwhelm, to the indecision and you’re believing all of that, that’s when you’re wasting your time. You’re listening to the chatter. You’re quitting on yourself right when you’re just about to get exactly what you want. You back off in fear and overwhelm and indecision. And you quit on yourself.

And I want to tell you to push through all of that and decide on purpose that you’re going to do it no matter what. I am willing and I tell you this all the time, I am so willing to betray everybody else, but I will never betray myself. So if you can even borrow that thought, that risky thought, that brave thought, I feel so brave. I feel so powerful in my own life because I’m willing to betray everybody else and never betray myself.

And here’s the funny thing about this is, when you become a woman who never betrays herself, who always tells herself the truth, who always has her own back, who always puts herself first and does what’s best for her. The funny thing is the outcome of all of that is that you become a woman that everybody else trusts, that everybody else is drawn to, that everybody else looks up to, that everybody else wants to emulate. That’s the funny thing.

So you think your brain tries to tell you that letting people down is a bad thing. But when you let yourself down, that’s the bad thing. When you betray yourself, that’s the bad thing. The good thing is to keep moving forward and to be willing to go where no one else is going and to do what no one else in your group is doing. And to do even what your husband isn’t even supportive of.

I am very happily married, but my husband and I do not want the same things. Truly, we do not want the same things. So I have stayed in this marriage with my husband because I decided to get what I want and to still stay married to him and just put the ball in his court. If he doesn’t want to be married to me, then that’s on him. But I’m going to keep saying yes to myself even when he doesn’t support me. Do you see that? I’m not going to betray me. I’m going to keep getting what I want.

I’m going to keep pushing myself and moving myself forward even if he thinks it’s a little too much. We don’t need all of that, why are you doing that? He doesn’t see things the same way I see things, but that isn’t a problem for me. He doesn’t have to support me. He doesn’t have to cheer me on. I’m going to do it anyway, because I’ve got me and me is all I’m ever going to need. I will never quit on myself. I’m going to keep going. I’m going to keep pushing.

I’m going to keep being persistent and consistent, determined, focused, blinders on, stay in my own lane, have a blast, treat every day like it’s a bonus day. Treat every day like it’s my birthday, which is going to happen really soon.

So I’m going to tell you another story that’s happening right now. So we have this beautiful dream house that is absolutely my dream house. So it was all 1980s when we bought it. It was built in the 80s. It had never been updated at all. So we updated the upstairs. And when you live at the beach, upstairs is always the living area which is opposite of any other houses I’ve ever lived in, where the living area is downstairs and all the bedrooms are upstairs. But when you live at the beach, you live on a hillside.

When living is upstairs, you get to stare at the ocean all day and the magic about our house, there’s so much magic in our house. It’s the house I’ve always wanted that just happened ‘to land in my lap’. The magic about our house is we get to see the ocean from downstairs too. I can see the ocean from my bathtub, when I’m in my bathtub. I can see the ocean from my bed in my bedroom, which is so fun. But we redid the upstairs and it’s so darling and so dreamy.

And then we did the upstairs right when we moved into it, which we’ve lived here since August of 2020. So what is that? Three and a half years ago. Then last year, a car crashed into our yard. And so we decided, well, let’s just re-landscape. That was on our plan too. We just hadn’t decided to do it in 2023. But it gave us a great reason to do it, and we did it and we are absolutely madly in love with our landscape. It has added so much fun to our life to have this darling landscape that we have.

And then what happened last week is that Jeff’s shower, it sounds like his name, Jeff Showers, Jeff’s shower started leaking really, really bad in his bathroom and we were like, “I wonder what that is.” And my brother-in-law, who is our contractor, who’s always done our work over here at the beach. He came over, he goes, “Yeah, we’re going to have to rip out that shower. We’ve got ourselves a problem here.” Which is a 19, what, 84 shower which needed to happen. We just didn’t know it was going to be happening right now.

You know how I’m so good at decisions, you guys. I make decisions super quick. And so while he was here, I was like, “Okay, well, if we have to rip out his shower, let’s just rip out his whole bathroom and redo his bathroom because we have to do that.” We weren’t going to do it right now, but let’s just do it. And then come look at my bathroom because I have a 1984 bathroom as well. Our whole downstairs, you guys, 1984. We even have that cream plush carpet. My bathroom has, which used to be the bees knees in the 80s, is this nautical striped wallpaper in my bathroom and this tan tile with the nautical rope trim.

Anyways, actually, we’ve been very comfortable in our downstairs, we have three bedrooms and two bathrooms downstairs. So anyways, I said, “Well, come and look at my bathroom. Let’s just rip out my bathroom too. We might as well do the whole downstairs. Let’s get new carpet. Let’s have everything painted. Let’s get everything done downstairs.” And we have a bungalow that is a couple of miles away from us, a little baby bungalow that Jeff and I are going to move into for the next couple of months while we’re doing this work.

So now because I know how to manage my mind and create my time, I am picking out all the stuff for the downstairs. I’ve already made all the decisions of what the bathrooms are going to look like. I ordered all the tiles, I ordered all the fixtures. I ordered the carpet. I talked to the painter. I’ve already picked out everything that’s going to happen downstairs. Our contractor is starting on March 5th, which is my birthday. We are moving to the bungalow and I’m going to celebrate this new remodel and we’re going to just get it all done.

And so everything is picked out. Everything is ordered. I actually am going to the carpet place this morning to place the order and to pay them for the carpet. And I think that is the last thing which is crazy because we just decided on all of this last week. And I just want to tell you, look how I have created time to remodel an entire three bedrooms and our bathrooms are pretty big downstairs, two big bathrooms and it is done.

And we are moving to the bungalow and there has been no drama whatsoever in my life, in my body, in my nervous system, because my brain’s trying to chatter at me. My brain is trying to create some drama and I’m like “No, no drama here.” We’re going to have a blast in the next two months living at the bungalow and watching this transformation. In the meantime I’m planning my retreat which is going to happen the first week of May, May 2nd through 4th. And I’m still planning on all my women coming up and having sunset at my house, my newly remodeled house. That is not a problem.

My brain’s trying to make it a problem. It’s like, “No, we’re doing it 100% for sure.” All of this is going to happen. And I am going to be the next version of myself. I’m going to be up-leveled because of it, because I am growing my capacity to run towards hard things and to make quick decisions and have my own back and love what is and take it all as a bonus day, a bonus life, a bonus year. All of this is just a bonus and all so happening for me.

And really, truly I am going to enjoy this entire experience and be my future self, be my highest self and not make any of it a problem which is pretty remarkable. I’m calm. I’m resolved. I’m curious about the whole experience. And I always feel proud of myself and accomplished because I’m the creator of all the energy for the next two months. I’m the creator of all my time for the next two months. I’m creator of all my money for the next two months, all the money that a remodel requires. I’m the creator of all of that.

We’ve got it all going on. So I’m the creator of my feelings. I’m the creator of my thoughts. I’m the creator of how I show up every day. I’m the creator of my results. I am owning this entire experience. And I am going to keep pushing myself forward and I will never quit on myself. I will never give up. I will keep moving and creating the life, this glorious life that I have been given and that I’m actually in charge of, which is so fun. And I want you to borrow this whole mindset from me, my friend. It is so powerful. It’s so useful and it just keeps getting better.

And it just keeps growing and moving and creating all of this abundance for me and all of this magic for me. So when you are in overwhelm, when you are in indecision, when you are in confusion, when you are in self-doubt, I want you to know that’s all an option. You can either believe it and attach to it and stay stuck there or you can get yourself out of it right now and make a decision and move forward and stop quitting on yourself. Take the leap. Take the risk. Don’t give up on you. Give up on everybody else, but never give up on you.

That’s honestly what gets you out of it. Just know it’s just coming from your primitive brain. And you have all the power to override that. It is just chatter. Stop giving it so much airtime. Do not attach to it. Do not let it be loud. You have to be louder than that chatter. I am so much louder than my chatter, than that lower brain’s chatter. It’s just barely even just a click, click, clack in my head anymore. I am so in charge of my days, my energy, my thoughts, my results, and I just keep moving forward.

I never quit on myself. So I’d love for you to pay attention to the way that I live. I’d love for you to believe in yourself hard, to believe in yourself. I like to think of myself as kind of no nonsense now. And when I used to believe my brain, I was full of nonsense. So I want you to think of yourself, what would it look like if I was just a no-nonsense person, if I didn’t believe my brain anymore and I didn’t believe that chatter, it was just that’s white noise, not even paying attention to it.

I just wrote everything down how I decided to think, I wrote all my thoughts down that I decided to retrain my brain with. I wrote down all the feelings that I decided I was going to create in my body. I wrote down all the actions that I decided I was going to take to get the exact results and just own the whole thought, feel, act cycle every single day. Oh, my gosh you guys, you could create every single thing and so much more. It’s this infinite way of living, 100%, oh my gosh. So happy bonus day, my friends, and know that I love you. I’m so happy for you. I’m so appreciative.

I’m so appreciative that you show up week after week and listen to this podcast and share it with your family and friends. And oh, my gosh, you guys, so happy birthday to me this week. Oh, my gosh, yes, so I’m going to be living in the bungalow and for the next couple of months I am going to be recording from the bungalow, so I might sound a little different. So that’s going to be kind of fun. I’ll tell you all about the bungalow and share pictures of it with you on Instagram, which is going to be super fun too.

So okay, my friends, I love you. Happy podcast day. Never quit, keep going and live an extraordinary life for your sake, 100%. Doesn’t that sound awesome? Alright, I’ll see you next week.

If you love this podcast, I invite you to come work with me. Go to kymshowerslifecoach.com, sign up for my next group and retreat, and let’s create your dream life together.