Ep 97. The Big Leap

I am Kym Showers, and this is Reinvented After 40, episode number 97: The Big Leap.

Hey, friends. Welcome to Reinvented After 40, a podcast for all you women in the second half of life who are ready to take responsibility for your own well-being and create a life you love living. I’m your host, Kym Showers, and after spending the first 40 years of my life people-pleasing and following all the rules, I was exhausted and ready for a change. I reinvented myself. I stopped outsourcing my happiness. And I’ve been brave enough to live a different kind of life.

I’ll be here each week to help you do the same thing. It’s going to be fun. Let’s go. Hey my friends, welcome back to my podcast, my show. I always dreamt that I would have a podcast. And after 97 weeks I am the woman who is a podcaster. And now I have more big dreams. I just want you to know, you just have to start. You’ve got to take the leap. You’ve got to go walk your little, big feet out to the edge of the cliff and you’ve got to leap. You’ve got to take the chance on you and then just go. You’ve got to be willing to feel all the feelings required when you’re mid-air.

And, you guys, I have been mid-air for a little while and I have felt all the feelings. And I’m so proud of myself because the feelings that I used to be so afraid of embarrassment, I hated to feel embarrassed. So I think that’s what keeps us stuck in the second half of life, you guys, is we’re afraid to feel embarrassed. We’re afraid people are going to maybe make fun of us. I don’t know, I don’t know if people would make fun of us, hopefully not.

But think thoughts about us that are maybe a little critical or maybe a little judgy. And it’s only because we’re a little self-critical and we’re a little judgy and we’re afraid to put ourselves in vulnerable positions and so we stay stuck because of that. And I want you to know this is what’s required of us is to be willing to feel vulnerable and to feel embarrassed when we feel it, when it shows up. It’s not like the big leap whatever the big leap is and we’ll get to that, but whatever it is, it’s not that leap itself creates those feelings. The feelings are in us as humans.

It’s just that the big leap, the big chance that we take on ourselves reveals those feelings to us. And if those feelings aren’t a problem, poo which they are not a problem for me anymore because I’ve been doing it now for almost six years. I’ve been practicing negative feelings on purpose, which sounds crazy. But the first half of my life, the first 50 years of my life, no one ever told me that I could fail as often as I wanted, that I could take as many chances on myself as I wanted to.

I could take as many big leaps as I wanted to and that I didn’t have to worry about what other people are thinking or saying about me. No one told me that, or I didn’t hear that. I was such a people pleaser and such a codependent and I needed validation from outside of me. I didn’t know that I could learn to give myself every single thing that I needed and to build such a self-concept that I am never looking for outside validation. That I am afraid and I take the leap anyways.

I do everything with sweaty armpits, you guys. And if you know me personally, you know I always have rings around my armpits because I’m always doing scary things. And even the sweaty armpits aren’t a problem for me anymore because I just decided that I would just take the sweaty armpits along with me and I would do the hard scary thing anyways, because that’s how I become the next best version of myself. I mean, why wouldn’t we? That’s why we’re here, you guys. If you’re listening to this, I trust you’re in the second-half of life. You’re in your 40s.

You’re a woman in your 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s. I want you to know this is our magical time. This is our best time. This is the shot that we have to take, everything, any little scary dream, any little scary idea that you have kept hidden away or any time you’ve said it to somebody, they’ve rolled their eyes or they’ve just sighed a big sigh like, here she goes again. I know this very well, but it’s possible for you and it’s the way, it’s the road. You’ve got to do it, I’m 100% certain of that, whatever it is.

And not only will it be a blast for you to learn how to create lots of enthusiasm and motivation and momentum in your life in this big leap, L-E- A-P, this big jump, this big risk that you’re taking on you. Not only will you create all these amazing, magical experiences for yourself that you can’t even imagine right now if you haven’t leapt yet, you can’t even imagine. Or if you leapt and you terrified yourself too much and you turned around and went back, you went back to the little fish bowl.

You weren’t the fish that jumped into the bigger fish bowl, but you turned around because it was too scary. You felt too vulnerable, and so you quit on yourself ahead of time. I want you to know that if you hire me to be your life coach, if you get into my group, you will be surrounded by women who are saying out loud to each other all their scary magical dreams that everybody else pooh-poohed and that they themselves pooh-poohed. But this is a group where we do not pooh-pooh any dreams, we just fuel them.

We look at what you’re thinking that’s maybe keeping you stuck and keeping you from actually taking the big leap. We look at the thoughts that are keeping you from jumping into what you really want. And we get rid of those thoughts and we create new thoughts that will allow you to be brave enough to take the leap and you do it for your future. You do it for the next version of you. You do it for your 70 year old self, if you’re in your 50s, your 60 year old self, if you’re in your 40s, your 50 year old self.

Everything I’m doing right now I’m doing for my 70 year old self, you guys, because she’s going to be a self-made millionaire. She is and I’m doing everything right now to set her up and she is thanking me ahead of time. We’re having so much fun and it’s terrifying at the same time. I’m so willing to fail. I’m so willing to mess up and my clients are now too, because they’ve spent enough time with me. I just look them in the eye and I just say, “So what, who cares?” Literally I do not care about anyone else’s opinion.

I do not care what anyone else is saying about me or thinking about me. I doubt anyone else is, but if they are, literally who cares? I don’t care because I’m so busy creating a life that I’m obsessed with, that is so much fun for me. This is the magic of the big leap and I plan on taking so many big leaps by the time I die. So I have a couple of different stories for you, but I want to tell you a story since I just said by the time I die. I’m going to tell you a quick little story.

I walked with an old friend last weekend. We were walking the Bob Jones Trail and we were just getting all caught up because we hadn’t seen each other in a year or over a year. And she was my spiritual mentor for gosh, most of my life and I just love her. She’s so important to me. But she told me that a mutual friend of ours died, a friend who’s about our age. And she goes, “Did you hear that she died?” And I said, “No, I had no idea.”

And then we talked a little bit and I go, “You know that one day two friends are going to be walking along and one of them is going to go, “Hey, did you hear that Kym Showers died?”” And the reason I said that is because it’s true. One day I’m going to die and I won’t be here anymore. You guys, I’m 62 years old. One day I’m going to die and I’m not going to be here anymore and I think about that. I think about the reality of that. And that is so motivating for me. This life is magical. It is the biggest gift we’ve ever been given.

We have possibilities every single day, everywhere we look, if that’s the way we want to be, if that’s the kind of woman we want to show up as. And if you’re listening to me on this podcast, you want to be her. You want to be the kind of woman that just soaked in and lived up and laid out every single day. That is what I am determined and focused on. I am going to just soak it all up and I’m going to live it out and enjoy this bright, beautiful gift that we’ve been given because one day I’m going to die and I will not be here on this Earth again anymore.

And so if there is something that could be said of me, it would be, “She died, but man, did she live, did she lay it out, did she love her life and love her people. Yes, she created so much goodness and optimism and love for the world.” So every day I’m determined with that intention, and I do and it takes work, it takes energy. And the energy is simply an exchange.

So we get to do every single thing that we want to do, especially right now, especially if we’re not raising kids anymore, we’ve got to stop trying to raise our kids who are already grown. You’ve got to stop that nonsense. I see you. I know what you’re doing. It’s so frustrating for you. And it’s just a distraction from this work, from you staying in your life and creating something magical for yourself, the whole reason you’re here. That chapter of your life is over.

Now get in your life. Even if you’re married, you do not have to have your husband on board, trust me. My husband is not on board on half the things that I do. He doesn’t even know about it. I just decide that’s what I’m going to do and I just start doing it. So I don’t run things by him. I have set myself so free to be a free 62 year old woman happily married but very much building my own version of the life that I absolutely love because Jeff and I are so different. He doesn’t want the same things I want.

He likes things just quiet and he doesn’t like things to change. That’s the big difference between him and I. I love things to change. I am always taking the big leap. I am the goldfish in the little fish bowl that is just eyeing the next bigger fish bowl and I am going to jump. And I can do that and still be happily married and he appears to be happily married to me too. He’s just like, “Just so long as I don’t have to jump to the next fish bowl.” He’s fine with me living my dream life. So I’m making myself happy. He’s making himself happy and together we’re just such a good time.

And that’s the same with my kids. They’re making themselves happy. I’m making myself happy. And when we’re together, it is just a freaking good time. We’re not all up in each other’s businesses with a bunch of opinions. Everyone’s too busy creating their own dreamy life. So I want you to think about that. Think about you and what it is you’re wanting to create and think about it being the big leap. And think about what it’s going to require of you. It’s going to require bravery. It’s going to require you to have lots of space for negative feelings.

Don’t turn around and go back and quit on yourself ahead of time just because you feel embarrassed, just because you’re afraid, just because maybe you feel like people are going to judge you and criticize you and maybe they are, and maybe they will, but remember what I say. So what, who cares? They’re the ones not doing anything.

Those of us taking the big leap, you guys, and doing big things and taking chances on ourselves and expending lots of energy, time, money, physical energy, mental and emotional energy. We’re expending it, and I do call it exchanging it, but it’s scary. It’s risky to do all of that, but we’re supposed to. What else are we going to do, just be boring 62 year old women doing nothing brave and bold and beautiful with her life? No, we’re not going to be any of that.

We’re going to be the ones making a difference in the world, whatever that is. It’s just so much fun and such a better way of living when you’re focused and you’re determined to take the big leap, whatever that leap is. If you haven’t read the book by Gay Hendricks, I know I’ve mentioned it before, but that’s kind of what I’m referring to. But mostly I’m referring to the picture on the cover of the book. I’ve had the book a long time and I refer to it often because I am a leaper. I love being a leaper.

So what I know now that I didn’t know 10 years ago or before this mindset work and before I even started my business is that negative feelings are required and they are not a problem. You know why? Because I don’t make my negative feelings mean I’m doing it wrong. I’m not doing it wrong. It’s just part of the process. If you can decide that you’re not afraid to be embarrassed, if you can decide you’re not afraid to feel frustrated because you have to learn a bunch of new things.

If you can decide you’re not afraid to feel disappointed because you’re going to be disappointed because things aren’t going to go like you hoped they would go. You’re going to hit some roadblocks and maybe things aren’t just going to turn out the way that you think they should or you hoped they would. And then you don’t make it mean anything about you. You don’t make it mean that you’re a failure. You don’t make it mean that you shouldn’t have done this. You’re just like, “Right, this is right on time, of course.”

There is an infinite number of ways to arrive where I want to arrive. I guess obviously this isn’t the way so let me try a different way. Let’s be creative. I don’t ask for anyone’s opinions. I just get coached. I’m in a mastermind where women are thinking big thoughts and trying big things, and we just encourage each other on our journey. And that’s what happens in my group. When you are trying big things you are not alone. This is your safe place.

It’s like a little mini mastermind container where you just get to say all of your scary big dreams out loud and we do nothing but cheer you on and help you decide what first step to take. This is the beauty of Kym Showers Life Coach, coaching group. And then the retreat, my next retreat will be in November. It will blow your mind. If you haven’t taken the big leap yet, if you are mid-air, let’s say and you show up at my retreat it’s just going to do nothing but just perpetuate your flight.

It’s just going to take you up higher and give you more juice and more speed and more energy and more encouragement and more motivation to keep going, keep going, keep going. We never ever quit when we. take the big leap. We’re just like, “No, we’re going to get there. It doesn’t matter how long it takes, we’re going to get there.” It’s so exciting to live this way.

And then I have so many client stories oh my gosh, it just seems like every week every client has a huge win, a big aha moment, a great story. But this one in particular this week, well, first of all, before I tell that story. I just want you to know all my clients are taking big leaps, that’s why they hired me. That’s why they’re in my group. So everybody’s in the middle of creating something scary, which is so awesome. This is what I live for. We’re all creating scary things and I just go first.

By the time you listen to this, you guys, my new website will have been launched. So I’m recording this the Friday morning before my website gets launched. And so I’ve been in the middle of a big leap right now. So this is what I told my clients this last week is I have felt so much pressure the last few weeks, just so much pressure because I’m in the middle of this big leap, this big website launch.

And then along with that I am planning my retreat and along with that well, I have a whole new logo and branding, which is you guys, it is so enchanting and colorful and magical and happy. It’s just going to make you happy. My website will make you so happy. I love it so much, but there’s just been a lot of, I’ve been so excited about it but I’ve expended a ton of money, a ton of extra energy. There’s just been a lot going on. And then at the same time, I’m rebranding a little bit of a rebrand of this podcast, not really, but a little bit, you’ll see it.

And then, but I’m also having a giveaway, a big giveaway, you guys. I am giving away three, listen, three AirPod Pros. I’m not sure what the details are yet, but for my 100th episode. So this is episode 97, so in these three weeks you’ll have a two week window to win one of my AirPod Pros and I want it to be you. I want it to be you.

So I’ll give you the directions in the next couple of weeks, but I want you to get ready for it. But we want you to follow, rate and review the show if you haven’t already, and even if you have already, I think you can add another five star review and add another rating or you can update your rating. Because I know I’ve had clients do that before, I’ve had women do that before, so I know that’s possible for you and that will enter you. But I do think you give me your email and then that automatically enters you. I’m not sure what the details are, but you’ll see and I’ll give you the exact details.

But I would love for you to enter my giveaway for the AirPods and then get on my email list for my new website because I’m going to start doing something really amazing with emails that will be very encouraging for you, something I’ve never done before. So you’re going to want to be on that email list. And then also follow, rate and review this show and enter your name into a big, beautiful jar. I don’t know if I’m going to be pulling them out like I did last time or not, but for an AirPod Pro. That would be so fun. So this is going on.

I just have had a lot of things to learn technology wise. So I have felt a lot of scarcity. So scarcity is just the human brain on default. Yeah, you can’t do this, this is what the brain offers all of us women in the second half of life. We can’t do this because we don’t have enough money. We can’t do this because we don’t have enough energy. We can’t do this because we don’t have enough time. That’s scarcity. This is what we’ve lived with since the beginning of time. And I’m telling you those are all lies. They are not true.

You have enough money, you have enough energy, you have enough time to do the thing that you really want to do. So do not believe those thoughts. You just get good at being aware of them and then you do it anyways. So I’ve invested a lot of time, a lot of money and a lot of energy into this big leap.

And then also, I’ve had a lot of frustration because I’ve had to learn new technology, which I just decided I am tech savvy, you guys. Girls, hey, we get to decide if we’re tech savvy. Look, I have a freaking podcast. I have a website. I know how to do Zoom. I mean, I know how to upload Zoom recordings. I’ve learned so much and get all of my recordings out to my clients. I am so tech savvy and I will always be because tech savviness is what’s required of us to build a business in the second half of life because tech keeps up-leveling and keeps moving faster than anything else really.

So I know this is the self-confidence I’ve built. I know I can figure anything out so I don’t worry about that but I do get frustrated. And frustration isn’t a problem for me, I just keep at it until I figure it out. So I mean things maybe aren’t going to go the way that I hope they go and that’s not a problem for me.

I can feel embarrassed, it’s okay. I just keep showing up and the umbrella feeling of all these little feelings, negative feelings, I call it pressure, I just feel pressure. But you know what, pressure isn’t a problem for me anymore. I would never quit on myself. I would never quit on my dream because of a little pressure. This is what I want you to know, do not quit on yourself ahead of time.

So okay, one more story. So a client this week said she had this little secret story. A year ago, she was driving, she was out of town and she drove past an amusement park and she saw the roller-coaster. And she goes, “And I kind of had an epiphany.” She says, “You know what? I can do anything I want. If I wanted to ride that roller-coaster right now, I could get off on this off ramp. I could drive over to that amusement park, park in that parking lot, get out of my car. Walk up to the admissions gate, pay the money, walk over to that roller-coaster, get in line, ride that roller coaster.”

She goes, “That was like an epiphany for me. I get to do what I want.” So she said that kind of woke her up. And she’s a new client of mine. And then she said she’s in the middle of a big leap right now. She’s building a gigantic business and that’s why she hired me. So last week, she said she woke up and she felt awful, just like I did when I was talking to them this week. I woke up in the morning and I just felt so much pressure and that’s how she felt but she called it awful. I just felt awful.

And she goes, “Do you know what I decided? I’m going to go ride that freaking roller-coaster because I can.” So she did, she packed a bag because she thought maybe she’d stay overnight, she didn’t know. She got in her car and she drove to that amusement park that was out of town for her. And she not only rode that roller-coaster, she stayed the whole day by herself in that amusement park and rode all the roller-coasters. I love her so much. And we were just cheering her on. We were like, “That is how it’s done.”

When we feel awful, we just deal with it and then we keep going. We go ride some freaking roller-coasters and then we keep moving forward. I said, “Oh man, I wish I had a roller-coaster close to me because I would probably go do that once a week.” I’d probably go just jump on a big roller-coaster once a week and ride it. So I’m going to figure out, I could probably go surfing. That might give me the thrill.

But the point of the story is that we get to do what we want. If we want to ride a roller-coaster, we get up on the off ramp and we go buy the ticket and we get in line and we get on that roller-coaster and we ride it. If you want to take a big leap, that’s what the big leap is, you just get yourself to the edge of the cliff, you decide what it is that you want to do with your life moving forward. And you have sweaty armpits and you’re shaking and you’re nervous and everybody’s rolling their eyes and you take the leap anyways.

You bet on yourself because you are that important and you are that valuable and you are the boss of your life. You get to do that. No one else gets to do that. Your husband doesn’t get the opinion. No one gets the final say but you. Your grown kids don’t get the final say. Your friends don’t get the final say. In fact, you don’t even have to tell anybody but your coaching group. Sometimes that’s the best thing. I don’t tell anybody anything.

I do tell you guys a bunch of stuff and I do tell my clients a bunch of stuff, but other than that I’m like, “No one needs to know what I’m dreaming about. No one needs to know what the next level of me looks like or the next big leap for me.” Because I trust myself, I have confidence in myself. I’m going to bet on myself and I’m going to win every single time.

So this is for you, my friend. take the big leap. You know what it is, you absolutely know what it is. Don’t hide from yourself. Don’t shy away from yourself. Don’t be afraid of it or be afraid of it and do it anyways, it’s so worth it. My life is more magical and full of potential and possibility than I could have ever imagined five years ago. It just keeps getting better and better and more expansive and more powerful. I’ve never felt more powerful and strong in my own life at 62 years old. It’s so beautiful.

So I want you to join my next group. It starts August 1st. I still have a spot for you. You’ll be invited to my amazing retreat, that you will be so glad you said yes. You do not want to miss it. You don’t want to miss what’s going to happen in this August group, it’s going to just blow your mind and you’ll get so much value for the small amount of money that it costs, trust me this. This is nothing compared to how much it’s going to change your life, change your mind about yourself and about everything. So I love you. Thanks for showing up today. Have the most magical week and I will talk to you next Thursday.

Thanks for listening to Reinvented After 40. If you want more information or resources from the podcast, please visit KymShowersLifeCoach.com.