Ep 94. Don’t Stop Until You Get What You Want

I am Kym Showers, and this is Reinvented After 40, episode number 94: Don’t Stop Until You Get What You Want.

Hey, friends. Welcome to Reinvented After 40, a podcast for all you women in the second half of life who are ready to take responsibility for your own well-being and create a life you love living.

I’m your host, Kym Showers, and after spending the first 40 years of my life people-pleasing and following all the rules, I was exhausted and ready for a change. I reinvented myself. I stopped outsourcing my happiness. And I’ve been brave enough to live a different kind of life.

I’ll be here each week to help you do the same thing. It’s going to be fun. Let’s go.

Hey, everyone, welcome back to the show and happy end of June and almost July. This is nuts how fast this month went. I felt like May lasted for 100 days but May went on and on and on and then June just flew by, which is kind of fun. I love that. June has been fabulous, so good. And I want to remind you this morning that I have a new group starting August 1st and you want to be in it. It is going to blow your mind. And then you’re going to get bonuses if you join now.

If you join a month ahead of time you’re going to get private coaching from me. You’re going to get to reserve your room for the retreat in November. So you want to jump on it, get your spot, get your workbook in the mail immediately, get to work on your life. And you’re going to get all kinds of bonuses for grabbing your spot in the group right now. Also the title of this episode number 94 is Don’t Stop Until You Get What You Want. I think if I know anything that is so a powerful useful thought. It’s that thought and I was originally going to title this episode, Don’t Settle for Less.

But that felt a little cliché and it actually didn’t feel as optimistic and doable and powerful as Don’t Stop Until You Get What You Want. That feels way more intentional and I am actually taking action on this, I’m going to keep going until I get what I want. This is why I’m always telling you, know what you want so then you can create it for yourself.

If you don’t know what you want, if you’re living someone else’s idea of what you want, let’s say you’re living your husband’s dream life instead of your dream life or your kid’s dream life instead of your dream life. You’ve got to develop the skill, the practice, the habit, the discipline of knowing what you want. And then you focus your energy on taking the actions that are required to get what you want. That’s why we’re here.

Our life, you guys, in the second half of life, I’m going to just blow your mind today with some new ideas and new thoughts or maybe even thoughts that I’ve introduced to you before but I haven’t just pounded it into your brain. This second half of life, you guys, is way better than the first. This is not the time to take a step back and put our feet up and live on a little budget for the next 40 years. What in the world, who caused us to think in such a crazy way. This is a crazy mindset for the second half of life to think these are the years that we slow down.

So you’re telling me, I’m 62 years old, you’re telling me that for the next 40 years, because I am planning on living until I am 102 and beyond. So for the next 40 years of my life, which for a lot of people, that’s a full lifetime. You’re telling me that I am required to live on a budget so I can’t ‘afford’ the things that I want, to live on a budget, to slow down, to be available to support everybody else and to live a smaller life, a quiet life that I’m extra vulnerable right now that I’m getting old. This is what old people do.

I’m telling you, that is so much nonsense. I am absolutely 100% sure that we need to change that whole script, that whole story because you guys, this is our time to step up, to create more goodness and value in the world, to create more money so we can ‘afford’ to do every single dream that we’ve ever had. This is our time, we’re free. We are wise. We no longer have the constraints of having to raise a family. We are not raising anybody anymore. We have kids raising their kids. We need to stop raising people. We need to raise ourselves.

This is our time to create value in the world, to create a life that we’re absolutely obsessed with, to be the example for other women who are following in our footsteps. This is our time to be courageous, to be bold, to be brave, to make a ton of money. And already, you guys, in my 60s, which I’m only 62, I want you to know. I’m very young in my mind. I am not old at all in my mind. I don’t think I’m ever going to think of myself as old. I’m going to think of myself as wiser, as braver, as an example of what’s possible in the second half of life. This is my most energetic half of life.

So far, you guys, 60s have been my most optimistic, energetic, positive, valuable chapter. This has been my best decade so far. I have made more money since I turned 60 than I made in my whole decade of teaching public school in my 20s. That’s nuts. I am planning on being a self-made millionaire by the time I’m 70, me. So in the last six months I’ve made $100,000 in six months. Five years ago when I started my business I made $12,000 that whole first year. And I decided that year that I was going to double my income every year in this business, and I have.

Do you see that I am an example of what’s possible when you change your mind, you change the story? You’ve got to give it up and let it go. Stop hanging out with people who are naysayers, who are telling you, you can’t do this, to have them listen to my podcast. Send them my way and I’ll tell them that they’re wrong. They’re wrong, they’re absolutely wrong. You can absolutely get what you want. I am not in a hurry, I just want you to know that. I am not mean to myself. I make mistakes all the time.

But what I have going for me is I know how to manage my thoughts around those mistakes. I do not beat myself up and I never quit. I am definitely not a quitter. And I am so for myself and for my dreams. And I know that what I want is worth wanting. And there’s a reason I want it. And it’s why I’m here. I’m here to create what I want. And I will never stop until I get what I want. I will never say, “I can’t have that, I want it but I can’t have that.” You’ll never hear me say that.

Even if my husband tells me I can’t have that, I’ll go, “Well, you’re wrong, you’re absolutely wrong.” Even if my kids say, “You can’t have that.” I’ll say, “You’re wrong.” Even if the world tells me I can’t have that, I’ll go, “Well, you’re wrong.” You don’t know me then. I’m going to get that. I won’t stop until I get that, just sit back and watch me. I want you to have more of this kind of mindset. I don’t want you to settle for less. I don’t want you to stop before you get what you want. It’s so possible for you.

If you’re a woman in the second half of life, whatever that means to you, I’m calling it after 40, but it can even be before 40, it can be in your 70s, it doesn’t matter. I’m just saying when you stop believing everything you believed in the first half, you’re here to meet everyone else’s wants, wishes and desires and that what you want doesn’t matter. When you’re ready to give all that nonsense up then you’re in the second half of life. I declare you in the second half of life.

And you, my friend, are not old. You are just getting started, oh my gosh. And just to change your pessimistic thoughts to optimism is everything. This is what I’m a genius at. I keep reassessing my thoughts and my feelings. I keep harnessing the feelings that I need and that I want to feel every day. I keep harnessing them and I get really good at those feelings and I have literally the best days every day. I know it’s possible because I’m living the life that I really want to live.

It doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing around me. My mood does not depend on what’s going on around me. My mood depends on me and what I’m thinking and what I’m choosing to think and what I’m choosing to feel. So I want you to stop being so affected by everybody else’s moods and everybody else’s words. I want you to put yourself in a room of women who are living your dream life so that you can start believing it’s possible for you. If you’re not doing that, it’s going to be so much more difficult for you to pull yourself out and start thinking differently.

When you’re around people who truly believe it’s a fact that you cannot have what you want, that it’s impossible, that you will never be able to afford it, you are not smart enough, you are too old, you do not have the credentials. Whatever the excuses are, whatever the reasons are, I want you to stop believing all of that. None of that even matters. None of it is true. All it takes is a shift in your belief, a shift in your thinking. You get to see things from a different perspective, see yourself from a different angle, from a fresh perspective even.

And harness that view of you, that thought of you, that energy that that thought creates in you, harness more of that every day and create some momentum in your life in the direction of what you want. And then you get up the next day and you do it again. And then you get up the next day and you do it again. And you learn how to manage your mind. You learn how to manage your emotions, become a genius at that. And then every single thing becomes available to you, every opportunity in your life opens up to you and you take advantage of the opportunities.

You stop looking at what you lack and what you can’t do and you start seeing things from the lens of what you have and what you can do. And you stop hesitating with the thoughts that my husband won’t like that, my husband is going to resist that, my husband’s going to take that personally, my husband’s going to be mad at me. My kids are going to think I’m selfish. My kids aren’t going to like this. I’m going to feel guilty. Those are all very un-useful thoughts.

Everybody will adjust to this new better version of you, higher version of you because you’re on your way to your dreams. And when you create your dreams, everybody who loves you the most will be so happy for you. You will be an example of what’s possible for them. Actually it’s better for them that you pay more attention to you than you do to them. You’ve already raised them. You’ve already spent the first half of your marriage supporting your husband and what he’s doing.

Now it’s time to turn all your energy, all of your focus onto you and show them who you really are. That’s exactly what I’m doing. I just keep expanding my horizons. I keep creating more vibrant energy. I keep getting braver and more courageous with my life. The more I do it the more momentum I build for myself. I get so much more exciting. And I keep putting myself in rooms of women who are ahead of me, it feels a little scary at first but then I realize how much easier it is for me to catch up with them when I am letting them pace me.

So they have a trajectory and I just hop aboard their rocket ship. I pay good money to hop aboard their rocket ship and learn from them. They become my pacers. That’s what happens when you join one of my groups, one of my coaching groups, you hop aboard my rocket that’s taking off to the stars and to the moon. And it makes it so much easier for you to get exactly what you want. You raise your self-concept and your self-confidence. And you create so much more momentum for your life. You get out of the hub and the circle of the people who are telling you to play small, to not get your hopes up. Women your age don’t do this. We can’t afford it.

You get out of that and you get in a group of women who are choosing to think differently and actually have the results to prove it all true. Don’t miss it my friend, don’t miss this opportunity. Don’t miss this chance to give yourself exactly what you deserve and every single thing you’ve kind of secretly hoped for.

I asked my clients this week in all the groups, I said, “What do you want that you think you can’t have? What do you want that you think you can’t have secretly?” Our brain is very sneaky with these little subconscious thoughts, well, you can’t have that. So a lot of things come up. I ask myself this question all the time, what do you really want? What’s a little secret want that you have that you would never tell anyone because you really believe you can’t have it? It’s way too much. It’s way overboard.

So I’m going to tell you my little secret and I have a lot of them. But this is what I told my clients this week, I’ve never been to Paris and I’ve been just kind of waiting to go, waiting for the okay from my husband. We’re going for our 40th wedding anniversary. This is what I’ve been waiting for, for the last five years, for our 40th wedding anniversary. We’re going to Paris which is next year, which is great and fine and I still plan on going. But I decided what I really want is to go to Paris for the first time by myself. That’s what I really want.

Not that I don’t love and adore my husband, I totally do. But I really am in the mode where I love to travel by myself. This is all a new thing for me. And the more I do it, the more I love it. I am so obsessed with it. And it just keeps growing my confidence, my self-confidence, my self-perspective, my self-story, my self-concept, everything about me just takes a huge step up. So I decided I’m going to Paris for the first time by myself. And I’m going to go pretty soon.

I’m planning a secret little trip, a little getaway. And I’m hoping my brothers who live in Germany might have an open weekend where they can zip over and meet me in Paris. But if not, I’m going to go have a great, amazing adventure in Paris by myself. So I just want you to know. That has been a wanting of mine for a long time. But my sneaky little brain has always told me, “That’s too much, you can’t do that, that’s too scary, you can’t go by yourself.”

And then also my thing is I’m only going to be gone a week. So I’m going to have two travel days and I’ll be in Paris for five days. This is my plan. And then my brain is just like people are going to go, “Well, you can’t go to Paris for a week, that’s dumb. If you go to Paris you’ve got to go longer, it’s such a long flight.” And I’m like, “No, this is me. This is what I want to do.” I love to go on short little trips. I don’t care how far it is because I love my travel days too. I make my travel days super fun.

So I’m going to go to Paris by myself for the first time by the end of the year. This is my plan. So I’m telling you my little secret. I haven’t told anybody else other than my groups but I’m announcing it to the world. So this is how it works. You take your little secret wanting and you just start talking about it. You start imagining it in your mind. And then you ask yourself, but what if I could have it, what would that look like? Why can’t I have that? Why can’t I go to Paris for the first time by myself? Of course I can, people do it all the time.

So what if I don’t know French, I’ll learn a little French. Most people probably speak English there. And so all of a sudden I’m creating this movie in my head of me going to Paris by myself for the first time in this beautiful, fantastical story. And I’m going to have a little playlist in my head. And I’m going to have my beautiful wardrobe with me. And I’m going to go explore all the little cafes. I’m going to do touristy things and I’m going to stay in a darling little boutique hotel. So I’m just telling you I have already created this adventure in my mind.

And then I want to tell you the next arm of this wanting and this dream that I have. So I’m going to be a self-made millionaire by the time I’m 70. I’m 62 so this gives me eight years, which is absolutely for sure going to happen, 100%, you can put your money on it if you’re a betting woman, you can put your money on it and I’ll be a millionaire all on my own by the time I’m 70. And then I want to be the kind of woman that hops on a plane and flies to Paris maybe once a month for four days and maybe even has a little place in Paris, a little flat in Paris. I can do that, why can’t I do that? I’m going to do that.

I want you to be able to look at what you want and question the thoughts, the un-useful thoughts that tell you and have been telling you your whole life you can’t have that, you don’t deserve that, it’s too much, what will people think, you will be judged. I want you to question all of that and let all of those un-useful thoughts go and decide I want that, I’m going to get that and I won’t stop until I have it. This is the way I think and I keep creating it for myself, it works, you guys. It’s so fun to live this life.

So start dreaming so big, get what you want. Don’t stop until you get it. You are just getting started, even if you’re 72, my friend, you’re just getting started. You have a whole lifetime ahead of you. These are the magical years. These are the money making years. You can make more money in a decade of your 60s than you’ve made your entire life combined. I’m 100% proof of that. So you just have to first of all hire me to coach you. I can help you open up your brain and get you out of pessimistic, un-useful thoughts that you’re just taking as the truth. None of it is true.

It’s all made up, you guys, so you might as well live a life where you’re thinking thoughts that are useful for you and that are creating forward momentum in your life. Learning how to harness the feelings that you need to have every day and that you want to have every day. It’s all so fun, so available to all of us, so possible for you my friend.

Alright, that is what I have for you today. I hope that was inspiring and motivating and just what you needed to hear today. You’re never stuck, do not believe that thought, pull yourself out of it. Feel the feelings that you want to feel. Hop in, go to my website kymshowerslifecoach.com. This is going to be one of the last times you’re going to see this old website but go sign up on that old website. And then my new website’s going to be out soon. It’ll be out before my next group starts.

But I want you to take this opportunity to join this August group because it’s going to be fire. You are going to be so happy you joined it. And in the meantime before August 1st, you’re going to get to meet with me. You’re going to get my workbook in the mail. You’re going to be off and running and in the new habits, in the new practices even before the group starts.

And then we have six whole months to work together, plus a beautiful, magical, inspiring in person retreat where you’re going to be in a room full of women, full of the best women you’ve ever met, I promise you that and you’ll never be the same. It’ll be the best money you’ve ever spent. You will get way more than what your brain will even let you think right now. So let’s change your mindset and let’s get you up and off and running. Alright, I love you so much. Have the best week ever and I’ll see you next Thursday.

Thanks for listening to Reinvented After 40. If you want more information or resources from the podcast, please visit KymShowersLifeCoach.com.